[NSFW] Any recovering porn addicts willing to share inspirational stories?
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What I believe excessive porn use has done to me is that sex has become uninteresting even when it’s available, and I also have physical problems performing when I “force” myself to it. These bad experiences then further reinforce my negative associations with sex, which in turn makes me even less interested in trying the next time. I don’t feel that “mundane arousal” throughout the day - I don’t even know what it means to be horny without physical stimulation. I’ve always felt this way, but it has gotten worse over time (I’m in my mid-thirties now). I can’t know for sure whether it’s all due to porn or if porn just makes it worse, since my porn use preceded my first sexual experiences with another person. If it’s something I was born with, then there’s simply no fixing it even if I cut out porn entirely, but since I can’t know that, I don’t see any other way forward than to try and change the things I can change and see if there’s any improvement.
And I just want to highlight that when I say excessive porn use, I really mean it. I can literally waste 8 to 12 hours on it and then do the same again the next day. Even if I watched porn for an hour every single day it would still be a massive improvement (but I’m intending to do better than that).
wrote last edited by [email protected]Yeah I think I can relate (late 30s). Once in a while everyone wakes up in the shower questioning wtf they are doing, right? Since you are free to do whatever but that doesn’t make you happy do you have an answers as to why that is? I had a similar but different situation and if I break it down for me it is: no interest in improving who I am because I can just keep going on games, weed and porn. At some point I realized how much time i waste with games, and that broke like a core thing that I used to enjoy. And with porn it is similar. I can see that masturbating 1-2h before starting the day adds up to a lot. Getting out of that took time and if you’ve come to this point I think you are on a good way if you keep working on it.
For me part of the solution that I was holding back because I thought my partner wouldn’t be comfortable if I’d be more open about what I’d be willing to try. And that’s fine. But made me miserable for years. Like ‘I don’t hear music in my head anymore’, which is fixed now but was broken for a shockingly long time.What made the change? I saw an ad for ‘locktober’, and thought ‘for someone not into chastity you sure have an awful lot of uncomfortable cheap cages. Yet you never considered this challenge’. Can I allow myself to do something considered humiliating and dumb, but for ‘fun’? I guess probably maybe. I started to say yes to more things that are good but uncomfortable for me. Like going to the gym. I almost died on the treadmill but very good level of hurt 5/5
. I try to use less social media and dgaf about news because I’m not being paid to keep up with all this bullshit. I mostly play chess on my phone these days to kill time. I have one active hobby that’s fuelling my adhd right now(pottery). I fail often and I don’t know for how long I can keep this up.And now that I’ve written this up I see that it’s a couple of small changes and not just me thinking ‘I can do locktober easy, I’ll start tomorrow’.
I wish you all the best and that you can figure out something drives you. Seeing a therapist certainly accelerated my process and I would recommend it if you’ve never tried it. Just saying
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Yeah I think I can relate (late 30s). Once in a while everyone wakes up in the shower questioning wtf they are doing, right? Since you are free to do whatever but that doesn’t make you happy do you have an answers as to why that is? I had a similar but different situation and if I break it down for me it is: no interest in improving who I am because I can just keep going on games, weed and porn. At some point I realized how much time i waste with games, and that broke like a core thing that I used to enjoy. And with porn it is similar. I can see that masturbating 1-2h before starting the day adds up to a lot. Getting out of that took time and if you’ve come to this point I think you are on a good way if you keep working on it.
For me part of the solution that I was holding back because I thought my partner wouldn’t be comfortable if I’d be more open about what I’d be willing to try. And that’s fine. But made me miserable for years. Like ‘I don’t hear music in my head anymore’, which is fixed now but was broken for a shockingly long time.What made the change? I saw an ad for ‘locktober’, and thought ‘for someone not into chastity you sure have an awful lot of uncomfortable cheap cages. Yet you never considered this challenge’. Can I allow myself to do something considered humiliating and dumb, but for ‘fun’? I guess probably maybe. I started to say yes to more things that are good but uncomfortable for me. Like going to the gym. I almost died on the treadmill but very good level of hurt 5/5
. I try to use less social media and dgaf about news because I’m not being paid to keep up with all this bullshit. I mostly play chess on my phone these days to kill time. I have one active hobby that’s fuelling my adhd right now(pottery). I fail often and I don’t know for how long I can keep this up.And now that I’ve written this up I see that it’s a couple of small changes and not just me thinking ‘I can do locktober easy, I’ll start tomorrow’.
I wish you all the best and that you can figure out something drives you. Seeing a therapist certainly accelerated my process and I would recommend it if you’ve never tried it. Just saying
Did you actually go for locktober in the literal sense of the term or is that just what sparked the idea?
I often thought that if my partner had been more into femdom we could've easily turned this challenge into play. Like I said, I'm really good at coming up with excuses for myself when things are up to me but I'm equally good at keeping my promises to other people. I would've gladly handed the key in both figurative and literal sense to someone else and have them decide for me. It's too late now unfortunelately but I'm not sure if it would've worked on the long run either way. While the source of the issue with our sex life was undoubtly me there's no denying that an overall sexual incompatibility played a role as well. It's not easy to be a dominant looking guy who aint one. I can only hope I have better luck with the next one.
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Did you actually go for locktober in the literal sense of the term or is that just what sparked the idea?
I often thought that if my partner had been more into femdom we could've easily turned this challenge into play. Like I said, I'm really good at coming up with excuses for myself when things are up to me but I'm equally good at keeping my promises to other people. I would've gladly handed the key in both figurative and literal sense to someone else and have them decide for me. It's too late now unfortunelately but I'm not sure if it would've worked on the long run either way. While the source of the issue with our sex life was undoubtly me there's no denying that an overall sexual incompatibility played a role as well. It's not easy to be a dominant looking guy who aint one. I can only hope I have better luck with the next one.
I guess I’m training for it. But yeah seeing a listing on fetlife and playing it through my head and then telling my partner that I’ll fuck around and find out. Learning how to communicate and talk about thoughts/needs/wants takes time and is not something that people casually talk about.
Which is why so many people are forever unhappy. I think there’s a small redemption bonus in relationships for at least trying to make an effort to not make the situation actively worse
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
Yeah, I quit and relapsed and that brings us to present day. I can only really get off to femdom porn but the vast majority of femdom porn is gross and terrible. I love dominant women but I fucking hate the porn. I guess it wasn't all for nothing, I'm not as bad as I was. I'm not a no-fap idiot either. Masturbation is great! I think porn is fine as long as you don't fucking hate what you're watching, you practice self control, and It isn't replacing genuine human connection. Sadly, not an option for me, at least right now.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
Many people don't understand that porn is a super stimuli and our brains can be rewired to prefer it over normal sex. They will also argue it is propaganda to suggest such a thing - primarily because of the stigma around sex in a puritan society like ours.
I'm no saint here and don't have an easy button for you. All I can suggest is go as long as you can without porn, then masturbate to your imagination. The longest streak I've managed to avoid porn did this. It may not work for you, but its worth a try.
I realized I had similar issues you mentioned and found online communities that don't discriminate like rebootnation. Another good reminder that this can happen to anyone is the YouTube series by Terry fucking Crews: dirty little secret. If he had a problem with porn, anyone can.
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Yeah, I quit and relapsed and that brings us to present day. I can only really get off to femdom porn but the vast majority of femdom porn is gross and terrible. I love dominant women but I fucking hate the porn. I guess it wasn't all for nothing, I'm not as bad as I was. I'm not a no-fap idiot either. Masturbation is great! I think porn is fine as long as you don't fucking hate what you're watching, you practice self control, and It isn't replacing genuine human connection. Sadly, not an option for me, at least right now.
Yeah, I have nothing against masturbation, it's the porn that's the issue for me. I have no desire for sex and I struggle to find normal women attractive. Sex is such an essential part of romantic relationships that I have to work this out if I ever want to succeed in one. I'm not sure I can moderate it. I just have to try and quit it entirely and hopefully there comes a day that I don't even miss it.
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Sometimes 8 - 12 hours a day, multiple days in a row. I have no interest in sex at all and yes, that obviously affects my relationships as well as other duties.
Sorry to say, but I think you know already, but at this point it sounds like classic addiction behaviour. Similar to alcoholism, gambling, gaming addiction...
I suggest you look up resources on how to beat addiction in general. And don't forget, anyone can fall into a trap like this, you are not weak for having a relapse, you are strong for trying again.
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I've pretty much hit rock bottom and come to the conclusion that I can't stay on my current trajectory. It's already cost me one, if not two, relationships, and I'm tired of dating on hard mode. I'm worried I might be too far gone, so it would be immensely helpful to hear from someone who's been in the same place and managed to turn things around.
I can manage a week or two with the power of self loathing but once the urges come back I'm really, and I mean really good at coming up with excuses.
I second the opinions for therapy.
I've struggled with porn addiction in the past, and I would say I still have to police myself to some degree.
However, after getting some therapy, I'm a lot better about not letting it affect my sex life.
I watch porn, but try to prioritize productive activities that build my relationship. If I watch porn instead of doing that some days, I don't beat myself up over it. I just observe how it makes me feel, how it makes everyone around me feel (if I take too long getting ready in the morning, for instance).
I cannot stress enough how badly beating yourself up for relapsing keeps you in a negative cycle. It's really awesome that you've identified an area of your life that you'd like to improve, but you don't get there by focusing on what you don't like.
Also read into urge surfing! It's pretty simple. You just wait out your urges. It can be hard to do. But pretty much all urges follow the pattern of increasing in intensity until they reach a peak, then decreasing. So if you can wait through the peak of the urge, it will decrease.
My therapist specialized in addiction therapy, and they also gave me the advice to observe my feelings through every part of the day without judgement. So if you do beat up the bishop one day, try to stave off the shame and just observe. It really helps.
Instead of feeling bad for masturbating, I've noticed I get lethargic after I masturbate and that it can affect my perceptions of people depending on the content. This makes me want to forgo the activity much more than negative feelings. I'm aware of the actual consequences, I'm just not giving myself anxiety over it. This allows me to understand where I can fit the activity into the day if I choose to, as well as weigh the actual value and consequences of the action. And if the consequences aren't worth it after you've observed them, you'll have the knowledge and agency to shut down those urges and break free. Best of luck.
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I can't tell you anything uplifting but I found my father's extensive collection of all possible (legal) kinds of porn a few years back and it honestly scarred me a little. Like mostly not the fact that he watches it but the extremes he apparently takes it to. It was an absurd amount of disturbing material. Oh and some of it might have even been home-made. I didn't look too closely so I'm not entirely sure and I don't think I even want to know. I don't enjoy the thought of being raised by a sex freak. So if you have kids or plan on having them consider that this is what they might feel towards you one day if they ever find out.
Did it affect your relationship with him?
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Did it affect your relationship with him?
Yes it absolutely did to the point where I don't think I'd want to talk about women with him ever. We do speak but rarely and mostly about superficial stuff altough that's mostly for unrelated reasons. He's not a bad guy but still not exactly a good dad.
