How old is too old to have kids, in your opinion?
-
i think 35 is a good hard stop
Well, I can tell from personal experience that it isn't a hard stop
its about risk not functionality.
-
Why wouldn't it be an equal decision that the two of them come to together?
it should be, but it really doesnt sound like hes taking her experience seriously.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I'd say fuck it!
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
When I think of older men having kids I mostly think of how unfortunate it is for the kid.
By the time your kid is 20 his dad will be 72, which would me like, on average he might get 5 more years of having a dad. If he's lucky maybe 10-15.
Sorry to be macabre but it is something to consider.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I just met my stepbrother last week despite our parents being together for several years now. He's 20-something years younger than I am (I'm almost 50 and he's in his twenties). If I think of him as stepparent's kid, it's not weird to me; similar to kids of close friends. If I think of him as stepbrother it feels strange. Maybe that's more to do with both of us being only children than the age gap.
Fortunately, we have enough in common that we got along really well!
I have a couple of friends that had a baby and the mom also had 2 teenage daughters (the baby is the dad's first kid; he was so excited to become a dad). The daughters seemed well adjusted to it. Your stepkid could be expecting you to want a kid of your own.
Why don't the 3 of you chat with a family therapist together to see if some of these concerns can be resolved or maybe aren't so much concerns at all.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
As long as you both consent to it and he is willing to also put in the work it takes to raise a child then what’s the problem?
Malcolm Gladwell just recently had a child in his late 50s/early 60s and so did Peter Sagal of Wait Wait fame. People have kids later in life all the time.
My wife and I had our first child when I was 39 because that’s finally when it happened for us and we had the means to support our kid the way we wanted.
I’m in my mid 40s now and would love another. I still have the energy to swing our kid around and throw her up in the air. Now she’s getting into the ages where she can hike with us, it’s a wonderful journey watching her grow and learn.
One thing I would just ask of you, personally, is just make the commitment to read to your child. Read to them every night. Read to them as much as they want. Read to them even when you’re tired. It’s so important for their development.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
why is your husband 20 years older than you?!
also, you can adopt.
-
When I think of older men having kids I mostly think of how unfortunate it is for the kid.
By the time your kid is 20 his dad will be 72, which would me like, on average he might get 5 more years of having a dad. If he's lucky maybe 10-15.
Sorry to be macabre but it is something to consider.
The flip side of that is the 51 year old will have the time patience and resources to give the child a great upbringing.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]My wife and I had a daughter with her at 45 and myself at 31. We had to use IVF, and in the end, donor eggs. So it is possible, despite the age. You're probably in a better situation biologically with him being the older one.
That said: don't have a kid if you just think it might be nice.
Kids aren't some sort of casual addition to the existing patterns of your life. They disrupt almost all of them. They are hard work, take up more time than anyone without could imagine. You can't just put them to the side and deal with them later when it's convenient for you. They need you when you're sick, when you're having a bad day, when you're grieving the death of a loved one, when you haven't had your coffee and are still waking up, when you're just trying to get some sleep, when you're hung over, when you're trying to cook, when you're trying to clean, when you're trying to get five minutes to yourself to take a shit, when the last thing you want to do is deal with a kid.
They are 100% reliant on you for years. They need to be taught everything, and I mean everything. Basic stuff like "don't bite people because you wouldn't like being bit" isn't intuitive. They will fight against you trying to get them to do something they enjoy. They will break things that are important to you. They will push boundaries intentionally and unintentionally.
And you need to handle all of your shit and all of their shit, and still have energy to handle them with kindness, near infinite patience, understanding, and with an eye for their learning and growth. You at least need to strive for this outcome, and hit it the overwhelming majority of the time. No one is perfect, but you have to strive to be for them, especially early on.
It's exhausting. It is one of the most gratifying things in the world. Just don't do it unless you're 100% sure you want to sign yourself up for it.
But look, at the end of the day, there are people having kids older than you two, and grandparents having to take sole guardianship over kids as well. You can do this, if it's something you both want.
-
why is your husband 20 years older than you?!
also, you can adopt.
It’s just who I happened to fall in love with. I was working as a tour guide in my hometown of Huế, and he was there on holiday. We clicked.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
For women there are finite age limitations on giving birth.
When adopting top end is age 60.
With that said, I am pretty much 60, and I have raised a kid, I couldn’t imagine dealing with that shit again.
I loved my kid, Trust me when I tell you raising a kid is so fucking overrated.
On the 27-year-old son issue that won’t mean nothing that basically mean the 27 rule will act as an uncle for the child.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
The previous president of Finland, Sauli Niinistö is currently 77-year-old and his firstborn is 7.
That means the child will see his dad die at a far too young age, most likely. But otherwise, meh. He'll be a different kind of father, but a good father all the same.
The question: how angry would he be if his father was 25 years older than he actually is? Would he prefer not having been born at all under such circumstances? I bet he wouldn't oppose his own existence, for such a reason at least. And neither will his child.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Just have some life insurance (or equivalent) set up to cover costs should the statistics catch up to him or you. At that age his parents can’t help out like they would if he were younger.
My partner’s parents are both very old compared to norms. It’s fine. One benefit is that they were financially stable and once they retired they were able to spend more time with their adolescent kid.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
I have two friends born to parents of similar ages as that. Both have had very happy families. One was an only child. The other had a similar age gap with his half siblings, they didn't interact much while he was growing up, but now that he's an adult they hang out all the time. It seems like both friends have had to deal with more challenging losses of parents earlier in their lives than typical, but there's no guarantee about tomorrow anyway.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
Mid 40’s is really pushing it.
-
The flip side of that is the 51 year old will have the time patience and resources to give the child a great upbringing.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Maybe 20 years ago.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
IMO, you shouldn't have a child if the thought/feel behind it is "I'm genuinely happy with or without them" regardless. It's worse than being with someone and thinking "I'm genuinely happy with or without them", because that person can get another partner but you can't get a new mom...
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
My father had another son with his 2nd wife when he was 58. At first I thought he was too old and it would be a burden for him and for the kid, but finally it works fine for everyone. He kind of seems younger now and my brother (now 11 years old) deals fine with having an older dad.
-
In my opinion over 50 is too old. I don't have a hard cutoff but I think I would place it somewhere around early 40s.
Some of my reasons are very subjective. My best memories of my childhood with my parents are of active stuff – camping trips, exploring rivers, kayaking. My parents are still very active in their late 60s but I can't imagine them doing a lot of the stuff we did back then. At least not in the same way.
Also I hate seeing my parents age. It was fine until their early 60s, they were also still very healthy and energetic in their 50s. But now I am often reminded that our time together is limited. I would have hated to deal with that as a child or teenager.
I know it's very possible for a child to have a happy life with an older parent, possibly happier than many other children. But I personally would hate to have one and think it's a bit selfish to consciously choose it.
Also I hate seeing my parents age.
It’s a weird feeling when you look at them and recognize them looking like your grandparents for the first time.
-
I’m 31, my husband is 51, and lately I’ve been feeling some baby fever. For the record, kids aren’t a must for me, I’m genuinely happy with or without them, but I think it would be nice to experience that journey. My husband is hesitant, though. Even though he’s very healthy, active, and energetic, he feels like having a child in his 50s might be too late. He also already has a 27-year-old son, and he worries that the big age gap between siblings would feel strange.
I guess I’m just looking to hear what others think about this situation.
If you have a kid now you husband will be almost seventy by the time they graduate high school. He probably won't be able to keep up with his grandchildren because he will be in his late seventies unless they get started young.
I would be reluctant to bring life into the world you know you won't be around for. It is not a total deal breaker, but it is something you should talk about.
