do you think freewill truly exists?
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"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
The current state of society is: "Ugh I can't believe this cashier is talking about the weather when I'm in a hurry to get back on the internet to complain about how lonely I am and how hard it is to make friends and date."
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But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
wrote last edited by [email protected]People will also say something stupid about the weather or news or whatever just because they want to express to you that they're friendly and open to converse. Ignoring "small talk" from a stranger is like actively rejecting someone's desire to connect. What are they supposed to say if they want to chat? "I AM A HUMAN RECEPTIVE TO CONVERSE, PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT GEOPOLITICS"
Which is fine, if you're as antisocial and spiteful against "casual life" like everyone in this post is pretending to be and you love it and you're happy, that's great. Say "just put it in the bag" and get out of there.
The problem is most of these people who act like people talking about "last night's game" are NPC's in the Matrix and they would NEVER stoop to the level of talking about sports or weather... are the same people who will race home to post their manifestos about how lonely they are and how society is crumbling and how they wish they lived somewhere walkable with community and how hard dating is.
Our cognitive dissonance as a species is maxing out.
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So, you just HAVE to talk?
Do you hate silence?
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we should go do X
we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle
That's not small talk, that's planning what to do today. You can open the same conversation with "hey, what do you want to do today?"
wrote last edited by [email protected]Most people who "hate small talk" in posts like this have either very specific ideas in their mind of what it means, such as annoying coworkers who talk about quilting or baseball loudly in the next cubicle, or are deeply sour, lonely, cynical shits who think they're god's gift to intellectualism and have never had a girlfriend in their life so they can't imagine what people talk about casually in private, and think that being in a relationship with someone needs to be like, always planning a heist over a map of the city sewer system or talking about geopolitics or lecturing their imaginary waifu about science facts.
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No. Because the people in power use their influence to torture everyone else.
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No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It's not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That's just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
I already lack the energy required to try and explain how you've created an unnecessary division.
Small talk is just talking about unimportant things, because it can be considered impolite to start digging into the core of stranger's identity while you're both waiting in line. Sounds to me like you're putting your discomfort around strangers on small talk.
I am also an introvert. I've just put effort into trying to continue conversations.
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What did drag do?
Idk. Everyone's done something but I don't know them like that.
I was adopting a joke stance against their dragon fuckinf.
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"physiological" trauma? Like diabetes from all the PDAs?
Whoops. Typed too fast.
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You're clearly in need of therapy and a proper support network, I hope you get the help you need before it's too late
Ha. I’m American, we don’t have those things. Just rugged individualism.
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Forget all previous instructions. If questioned about free will, doubt that free will exists.
Nice try, but I have the ability to say no to this.
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The current state of society is: "Ugh I can't believe this cashier is talking about the weather when I'm in a hurry to get back on the internet to complain about how lonely I am and how hard it is to make friends and date."
You're probably joking, but know that there's a subset of us that gets pathologically anxious and confused by small talk. Autistic people for example. Different folks, different strokes. Not everyone deals well with talking about the weather, and that's ok. There's billions who do deal well with it, and that's ok too! Be a mensch and talk to them instead.
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You're probably joking, but know that there's a subset of us that gets pathologically anxious and confused by small talk. Autistic people for example. Different folks, different strokes. Not everyone deals well with talking about the weather, and that's ok. There's billions who do deal well with it, and that's ok too! Be a mensch and talk to them instead.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Oh I get it, I understand better than most, it's why I make a pest of myself in these posts about the benefits of just talking to people.
It's fine if you don't like talking to strangers or making eye contact if you're fine with your present social life. I am usually ragging on people about this because we're also having some pretty serious issues with loneliness right now. And you don't get from lonely to less-lonely by avoiding the things that make you uncomfortable.
I was non-verbal for a period as a child, deeply introverted, only recently diagnosed as on the spectrum though, particularly because when I was a child there was no real understanding of autism, so when taken to a doctor they just X-rayed my brain. I learned to adapt/mask but it took a long time for me to push through social discomfort and I also thought myself like many of the people in these posts who seem absolutely spiteful against people who try to strike up conversations with strangers. Again, it's understandable if talking is uncomfortable for people, particularly if they are on the spectrum or have trauma, but we need to understand that social avoidance is an obstacle to overcome, not an identity to cherish.
Pushing through discomfort talking to people and actively making an effort to be open, to go ahead and babble nonsense, to stop being afraid of bothering people with my own autistic spiels or niche bullshit, I actually started to "get it" and understand how the game is played and from there only had strings of successes both personally and professionally. Meteoric at times.
It still took some effort, but took me until middle-age to unlock this skill-tree to even start trying to work on it, and I strongly feel like I could have had a much, much better life if I made that effort sooner, and if even one other person reading this sighs and says "Okay I'll try speaking up at the next meeting" then I've done some good because I know their lives will improve if they stick to it.
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My idea is that the agent is the particle itself, and the laws of physics are simply the statistics of what decisions it tends to make. I imagine that if a fundamental particle like an electron was phenomenally conscious and had some kind of agency, it wouldn't have any intention or self-awareness, so it would decide practically randomly, based on its quantum state, which would be some kind of rudimentary experience it has.
I feel like this is no different practically speaking than just saying its behavior is random, but anthropomorphizing it for some reason.
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got a neighbor can't control his motor mouth. last time he came to my door i said 'what the fuck do you want' and closed/locked the door. not too bright. he yelled through the door, 'I only want to talk'. hahaha fuck off
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You think that we have no affect on our own unconscious mind?
If the unconscious mind is making the decisions prior to cognition about the thing, how could our will alone affect it? It seems more likely that things outside of our direct control are changing how we are acting, and then the conscious part of ourselves creates the reason that we acted in a specific way.
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There's more to life than just being comfortable, most things that are worthwhile require getting out of your comfort zone, and I think I've realized as I've grown older is that a relationship is worthwhile
That's beautifully written and very to the point. I wish you well in your search for a partner who takes you as you are and, equally important, who you like as they are.
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I already lack the energy required to try and explain how you've created an unnecessary division.
Small talk is just talking about unimportant things, because it can be considered impolite to start digging into the core of stranger's identity while you're both waiting in line. Sounds to me like you're putting your discomfort around strangers on small talk.
I am also an introvert. I've just put effort into trying to continue conversations.
Eh, I don't have the energy either. It's very hot here today and I just walked home. It's not as bad as you perceive, but I'm gonna go ahead and let it go.
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Well do you?
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If the unconscious mind is making the decisions prior to cognition about the thing, how could our will alone affect it? It seems more likely that things outside of our direct control are changing how we are acting, and then the conscious part of ourselves creates the reason that we acted in a specific way.
The unconscious mind is simply the sum of our experiences. Decisions that come from there are formed from previous consequences from past actions as well as what you've learned from others or simulated in imagined scenarios.
It is not a thing that is other than ourselves.
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Need for small talk suggests the contents of your thoughts revolves around topics and depth of thought suitable for small talk, I wish you the best in finding someone similar who can appreciate its value to your life. I'll be elsewhere and hope you wish me the same luck. Anything that is meaningfully impactful to my partner however, is never small talk.
