how can I stop spiralling about my breakup?

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I know I keep posting over and over but I’m in so much pain and I have no one or nowhere to go to when I am sad. I’m trying to channel everything internally without being such a burden and annoyance to people. I keep asking myself “why didn’t he fight for me and his relationship?” “Why am I so easy to be given up on?” “Was I even special to him?” … I cannot stop crying. I feel hopeless right now. When we stopped talking for a couple days and I reached out for closure, he said not speaking for those three days makes him realize he should’ve been more appreciative of me and how hard I tried and all those things. But if he was saying those things then why not turn it around? I sound like a hopeless romantic but I can’t wrap my head around anything anymore… the closure somehow made it worse I guess. I told him I forgive him for anything he thinks he did wrong. He appreciated that. I miss him so much. I miss our memories, I miss his face. Something deep down inside of me feels like I’m going to see his face again but I know that’s false reality. We never even got to talk to each other about these things in person. I just want to cry in his arms.

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find a rebound and fuck the hell out of them

edit: fuck you virigns downvoting me. jealous little men you are why you don’t get laid.

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Just go out and fuck someone new on the rebound. There's a reason it's a practically-universal practice after a breakup. Otherwise you're just going to become a living instance of Mr Brightside

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You’re gunna be sad, and that makes sense. I mean, why wouldn’t you be? You’ll have moments of being mad at them, too, and that’s ok as long you don’t act out on those feelings.

It’s important to keep yourself occupied, not to distract from the pain but keep yourself moving forward and remind yourself that you are your own person and have value outside of the relationship, alone or with friends or however, you are still a person and not just their ex. You’ll be sad a lot, and some days forward will feel like backwards, but you’ll get there in time.

I wrote a journal, just on my phone, for a year. It’s amazing how much you’re expecting to write about how bad your day had gone but by the time you get writing you’ve had time to be outside of the big feelings for a bit and most days are, even if not great, better than you’d thought.

If you can get access to a therapist, and even if all you do is talk at them, that can be awesome for getting things off your chest, too. It can help you set these feelings down for even an hour and get used to that lightness. Therapy doesn’t have to give you answers, sometimes all it needs to do is give you relief enough to find them on your own.

And lastly, it’s ok to miss them. You aren’t spiralling when you miss them, you’re thinking about good things and you shouldn’t force yourself away from those thoughts. Give yourself time to recalibrate and get used to the fact that you’ll always have good memories, and in time they will weigh less and not hit as hard.

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Tbh, with my last relationship I went crazy. I slept with many guys to fill the void .. I mean.. I did become numb. But I wouldn’t wanna rack up my body count more tbh. I am so touch deprived though. But in pain. So I won’t disagree with this

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Why didn't he fight for me and his relationship

Instead of asking yourself why he didn't fight for you and your relationship, tell yourself that you are worth more than that. I know it's easier said than done but the idea is to have some self worth and to know your worth. Don't let people walk over you, and that also means don't give a get out of jail free card for any unknown thing he may have done. That is belittling to yourself and you're worth more than that. He made a choice, and if he doesn't want to fight for you then don't fight for him.

Beyond that, find a new hobby or interest and dive into that. Bonus points if it is some kind of group where you meet new people. Find ways to be happy with yourself before the next relationship.

Best of luck. And I'll add to the choir that time does help. It may feel like you're drowning now but everything will be ok and work out for the best.

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It’s a fresh wound, and those hurt until they heal. You need to give yourself time. This will sound sexist, but if you were a guy, I’d say you need a good bartender. Not saying the same wouldn’t work for a woman, but being a single woman in a bar kind of opens you up to the kind of attention it sounds like you don’t need, or want, any more of. Still, in lieu of a good friend, just having someone who can hear you vent your pain can be healthy (hence my recommendation for a good bartender - when I was being a detached listener was considered part of the job).

When you’re not venting/working through the pain, try to work on you. Work towards liking/loving yourself.

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first - fuck this stupid gen z / millennial idea of a “body count”

it doesn’t matter. if it does matter to someone? they are trash and not worth your time.

this whole idea is rooted in incel/virgin men being jealous that you, as a woman, had more sex than they did; which is why they want a woman with zero experience. they figure the woman won’t k kw better sex and will happily settle.

(source: i’m a man and i know too many like this)

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His feelings do not determine your worth.

Even if everyone in the world points at you and says "inadequate" it's possible that they're all wrong.

You're worth loving.

He missed out and I'm sorry

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Planning your days might help? My thoughts here is simply that structure and routine may provide something to focus on, that might help you "push through" the negative thoughts. And if you have any support network, please reach out! I'm sure you'll struggle with feeling guilty burdening your friends, but times like this are when you do need that support.

It wasn't you! It was all him. I promise.

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Have you considered a hasty and desperate rebound?

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why didn’t he fight for me and his relationship?

Toxic femininity on display, dude is lucky he peace’d out

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Apologies for the direct question, but how old are you?

In a couple months you'll find someone or something new and exciting, and laugh at how this felt like the end of the world. Just make sure you don't wallow in a pit of depression. Go out into the world. Do your hobbies. Find new hobbies.

Also, consider using more line breaks for readability.

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hey, im 21 turning 22 in august…. and i know…i ramble too much lol

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oh grow up, i meant it as in if the relationship is going through a hard time, its always best to work together and not opt-out whenever u feel slightly overwhelmed. its being emotionally mature

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You have a lot of life ahead of you. The feelings will fade. Don't wallow. You'll be fine.

When I was a youth I had a lot of big feelings about relationships and crushes and friends. The feelings were real. They certainly took up a lot of space in my head, but they weren't really proportionate to what was happening. Everything felt big because it was new to me. I barely talk to anyone from that time in my life anymore. I live in a new city with new friends.

You'll be fine.

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Fresh wounds always hurt the worst. This sounds like it just happened. You are obviously going to need time to emotionally move on from a failed relationship.

My advice is to distract your brain from the event in the short term. Play with your pets, go see a movie, hang out with your friends, eat some ice cream, focus on your creative hobbies. When this sort of thing happened to me when I was younger, I would flip it around and use my newfound single status as a positive - I can enjoy the foods and activities that I knew my ex-partner didn't like, I didn't have to plan my schedule around making time to see them and include them in stuff, and I just generally enjoyed the liberating feeling of being single, even though it still hurt to lose someone so close that I had been so attached to. By the time I started to feel like the feeling of being single was losing it's appeal, I was emotionally ready to move on and meet new people.

In short, just give it more time. Distract your brain. In time, this too will pass.

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I haven't read your previous posts. I haven't read the other responses here.

Heartbreak is a kick where it hurts the most. Try to see it as something that reminds you your alive. You're human, you're mortal, this is your experience.

Outside of that, distraction. Pick a new video game and play it through. Everything heals with time.

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I am nearly twice your age. Pretty much everybody has been through a version of what you are experiencing. Two things you must know.

1: You had a relationship that was valuable enough to you that losing it hurt. That is special in itself, and you need to consider the good thing that you had. Seeing a concert is ephemeral, but you remember the music and performance positively. Think of the relationship this way, also.

2: Give yourself time to mourn. Mourning is natural, and it is a process, but there is an endpoint. Many have walked this path and come out on the other end.

You are young, and you will have many more experiences in your life. Some positive, some negative. But your life is far from over.

Take a day, go for a long walk at the beach or park or nature trail. Cry, weep, wail, knash your teeth. Then move on.

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No you meant it as in you get to cause drama and expect the man to chase you.

Toxic behaviour that shows he’s better off finding someone else.

Being emotionally mature is understanding the other party in a relationship has no obligation to deal with your shit.

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how can I stop spiralling about my breakup?