The great millennial garbage gyre
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It's probably better than the sea of picless profiles of "discreet" married "straight" men on Grindr.
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We need to normalize blaming monogamy for shitty monogamists the way people blame non-monogamy for shitty non-monogamists.
Non-monogamy is the logical extension of unlearning person-ownership, which is objectively good.
Non-monogamy is the logical extension of unlearning person-ownership
Like, that's definitely coffee-house sex philosophy truthiness. But it ignores the desire for someone(s) to come home to and rely on. A relationship is more than just getting off. And monogamy (or committed poly, if that's your vibe) is about building a friendship with the loved one and a community with their social circle.
You don't own your partner any more than you own your parents or your siblings or your closest friends. You just want to be near them regularly, because you love them. And when there's only so many hours in the day, you dedicate yourself to these people because you want a relationship that's deep rather than a series of flings that can only ever be shallow.
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This reminds me of the conversation I had with my co workers the other day. They basically warned don't do to your 10th/15th year class reunion, especially if you're in a relationship. All the girls who were used to constantly being in demand suddenly... aren't. And they're HORNY. And not in a very good way. In a very sad/depressing way.
All the girls who were used to constantly being in demand suddenly… aren’t. And they’re HORNY. And not in a very good way. In a very sad/depressing way.
Had a friend who joked that if anyone questioned whether she was still hot, they only had to count the rings.
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As a single (Maybe neurodivergent?) 30 year old male, what other option I have?
Stop giving a fuck about that, work hard, eat right & exercise, get some great guy friends, community, get some hobbies you love.
It's a great part of the human experience, but it's not worth rushing or forcing a fit. I know a handful of guys that forced the fit, wasn't worth it when they got run through the divorce courts.
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I'm always surprised to hear people unimpressed with others on dating apps. A couple of my friends have shared their "feeds" and I was struck by how many good-looking people are out there. But they would swipe away from just the smallest turn-offs becoming deal breakers. Like if I saw these people in real life, I would think of them as average looking at worst, many being remarkably attractive. This is in the 20s to mid 30s range like the tweet. I definitely understand deciding you're incompatible based on politics or religion or culture but most of the time it would be for minor quirks. It felt like they were spoiled for choice in my eyes.
But then again, they're in serious long term relationships with conventionally attractive and supportive partners now so maybe being picky pays off. At the time, their reluctance to settle was a very frustrating experience for them.
Reluctant to settle, spoiled for choice, great ways of describing the situation.
the apparently-bottomless firehose of faces that makes you desensitized, the anonymous dismissal of them makes you callous.
The apps are just another dopamine slot machine, so the companies don't care and in fact would rather keep people in their app.
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When woman say, that men are poor quality commodities it's funny you see?
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Hey, can I come to your reunion?
I'm gonna tell you a secret, but you can't share it ok?
~X~ ~year~ ~reunions~ ~happen~ ~every~ ~year.~ ~Kids~ ~graduate~ ~every~ ~year.~
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I don't think 29 year olds are millennial, are they? Or is this an older meme?
wrote last edited by [email protected]29 year olds aren't really millennial, they're borderline I guess, but the main factor in my mind is our general shared experiences. We were walking, talking, and fully aware of the world to actually experience the turn of the millennium. We know exactly where we were and what we were doing when 9/11 occurred (at least American millennials).
Most average American 29 year olds now probably don't remember a time with a totally shit computer, but it was some of the best on the market at the time & we were really excited. It booted so fast, just a few minutes!
Did they play Reader Rabbit? How about Oregon Trail?They didn't really see the debut of purely digital MP3 players, or the Moto RAZR.
I sang the Reading Rainbow song to a Gen Z kid & he had no fucking clue what it was.
Funny, and sad.But those born in '96 tended to associate with us more than hard Gen Z, so idk. Definitely...borderline...
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As a single (Maybe neurodivergent?) 30 year old male, what other option I have?
Leave the house and find a hobby that women might also be into. Computers, cars? Mostly male dominated hobbies/women are afraid to actually go. Dance class? Now that's fun, good exercise, and forces you to interact with other people, and there's plenty of women there. Just make sure it's something you're at least kinda into. If you lie about your interest they're gonna know and dislike you.
The other day I went to a watch party for the show Love Island and not joking, it was > 10 women to 1 man. I think there was over 100 women in that tiny room (definitely a fire code violation). But as soon as I started talking to a group about the show they were all over it.
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Reluctant to settle, spoiled for choice, great ways of describing the situation.
the apparently-bottomless firehose of faces that makes you desensitized, the anonymous dismissal of them makes you callous.
The apps are just another dopamine slot machine, so the companies don't care and in fact would rather keep people in their app.
Yeah, if you actually find someone app usage will drop for at least some people, maybe even most people. The more exclusive some/many folks are the less they'll open the app. Up to finding someone(s) that fully satisfy them for at least a while, and for that while that user may even be completely off the app. Maybe they even delete it. Certainly they won't compulsively be using it the same way they are when they are trying to connect.
For many (not all) users, successfully finding connections is detrimental to engagement, advertising, active user stats, etc. The incentives for the company are not geared towards helping users connect, and are geared towards always having users continually trying to connect.
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Dating is hard for everyone in one way or another, and, speaking as one, several ways for those who look pretty dead average but have trouble socializing and really only go between home and work. I don't even feel like I'm that picky; no cigarettes, no kids, yes empathy, and a complementary flavor of weird/neurodivergence.
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I don't think 29 year olds are millennial, are they? Or is this an older meme?
The categories are arbitrary and the points don't matter
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As a single (Maybe neurodivergent?) 30 year old male, what other option I have?
Stop giving a fuck about that, work hard, eat right & exercise, get some great guy friends, community, get some hobbies you love.
It's a great part of the human experience, but it's not worth rushing or forcing a fit. I know a handful of guys that forced the fit, wasn't worth it when they got run through the divorce courts.
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Non-monogamy is the logical extension of unlearning person-ownership
Like, that's definitely coffee-house sex philosophy truthiness. But it ignores the desire for someone(s) to come home to and rely on. A relationship is more than just getting off. And monogamy (or committed poly, if that's your vibe) is about building a friendship with the loved one and a community with their social circle.
You don't own your partner any more than you own your parents or your siblings or your closest friends. You just want to be near them regularly, because you love them. And when there's only so many hours in the day, you dedicate yourself to these people because you want a relationship that's deep rather than a series of flings that can only ever be shallow.
Yeah it's not about "ownership", it's a partnership. You can't rely on someone that's also trying to maintain romantic relationships with other people as well.
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America is a different universe lmao. Most people aren't even married once in their late 20s in Denmark.
Statistically neither are people in the US. However most by that age have been in long term relationships.
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America is a different universe lmao. Most people aren't even married once in their late 20s in Denmark.
Yeah, when some friends started getting married in our 30s I thought they were being impulsive. We're a bit young to be getting married aren't we?
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A lot of women use the phrase “all the good ones are taken” but the reverse can also be true as well. Where all the good women are also taken. So most dating apps are full of the people who can’t keep a relationship, cheat, aren’t investing into something, or are the “leftovers.” I have a ton of female friend and what I saw on the dating apps when we were 25 was horrendous. As you get into your late 20s and early 30s you start seeing a lot of divorcees and single parents who then don’t have time and therefore don’t invest. Or do “invest” but now aren’t worth it because their kids should be more important.
I'm in my 30s and all the single women I know in my range are somewhere near the asexual end of the spectrum or have kids. There's nothing wrong with those things but those they would not work for me in a romantic relationship.
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Ok then I'll have zero sympathy for assholes, regardless of orientation. Like yourself.
I shared a personal observation about how limited my dating options are — something that’s demonstrably true for gay men — and your immediate response was hostility? I didn’t attack anyone, just offered a contrasting reality.
It’s telling when empathy is expected but not extended. If someone shares a different lived experience and your first response is name-calling rather than reflection, that reveals more about your approach to discourse than it does about mine.
We don’t need to agree, but some consistency between values and behavior would go a long way. Otherwise, your comment is just a performance of compassion, not a practice of it.
Have a day.
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It's quite illuminating, sometimes, to see how other people live. And to see how very different things look if you're taking a different person's perspective.
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When woman say, that men are poor quality commodities it's funny you see?
feminism! /s
