The great millennial garbage gyre
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A confounding issue is the apps themselves have gotten worse over time. Like, old okcupid you could search. You could type in like "final fantasy" or "the Mets" and find people who liked those things enough to put them on their profile.
Now you're limited to whatever the app decides to give you. Well, the app doesn't want you to leave so that incentive doesn't line up.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]OkCupid used to actually work rather well at finding compatible people who were actually honest about what they were looking for.
Then it got bigger, got acquired, and the matching model of the whole industry was intentionally modified to be more monetizable, and to keep giving matches that are close, but not close enough to be truely long term compatible.
You aren't using the app/website anymore if it works and gets you a successful long term match.
You are using the app for a longer time if you keep getting close but just missing the mark.
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Do people not think their dating app is tracking... how many matches and text exchanges they have?
How much time elapses between you matching, chatting, leaving... and then going back to swiping?
And then multidimensional matrix comparing that to every other definable variable about you?
Including whether or not you say you're looking for something long term, or serious... but you actually keep cycling through people?
These algos, these things... they know exactly to what extent you lie to yourself and others, and they weaponize that to keep people in a sort of optimal (for the app, not you), constant disappointment loop.
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Everything digital is now way beyond 'if its free, you are the product'.
The model is now entirely attention, addiction based, and manipulating your emotions in as close to real time as possible is absolutely integral to all this.
People forget that over a decade ago, Zuckerberg said his dream was to be able to predict with high accuracy what any given Facebook user would post next.
Nearly a decade ago, Netflix CEO or some such stated 'our primary competitor is sleep'.
People largely do not realize the extent to which these corpo fucks have been running highly precise and targeted manipulation of every aspect of human behavior... all to drive goddamn ad revenue and market share, ie, entrench themselves as institutions the modern world is no longer imaginable without.
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Every starting conversation on Bumble was like:
"Hey"
In my experience the bot and scam scripts have become refined enough to seem exactly like a pretty disengaged or disenchanted user, or someone not confident in what they're doing. It's led to some awkward moments when I suddenly send "BOT CHECK"
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Your weirdo will appear.
Survivorship bias.
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This implies Tinder isn't also just used as a hookup app.
No, it implies that tinder is just about the worst place to try and find a romantic partner.
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This post is pointing out that few men want to date 'older' women while men of all ages want to date younger women.
It's wild how discussing age and gender inequality in dating is considered misandry.
I thought it was a "all the good ones are taken" post
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Reluctant to settle, spoiled for choice, great ways of describing the situation.
the apparently-bottomless firehose of faces that makes you desensitized, the anonymous dismissal of them makes you callous.
The apps are just another dopamine slot machine, so the companies don't care and in fact would rather keep people in their app.
'Look at all these people that think I'm pretty, who I could have if I wanted to.''
It's the mirror from Snow White, but it lies better the more you pay it, the more time you spend staring at it.
Skinner box.
Wire the rat up to stimulate its pleasure receptors if it pushes button.
Rat will push button untill it dies of dehydration.
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I'm a man and I need a bro to explain me
why are men attracted to younger women?
I'm interested in women my age Ā± like 5 years ish.
when I was a teen I was into teens, in my 20s I was into girls in their 20s...
the idea of dating a 20 years old as a 36 year old man seems gross and annoying.
Because they don't want to date (i. e. have some kind of personal engagement), they want to play nut and bolt.
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Because they don't want to date (i. e. have some kind of personal engagement), they want to play nut and bolt.
Nut and bolt? That the new Ratchet and Clank?
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Because they don't want to date (i. e. have some kind of personal engagement), they want to play nut and bolt.
i get that, I also want hook-ups, but I don't see the attraction of someone 18 years younger than me.
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I thought it was a "all the good ones are taken" post
wrote on last edited by [email protected]So on sites like these, the primary context inside of a specific thread is the thread itself, the secondary context is the post. Hope that helps.
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i never said any of that
Didn't answer what you're basing it on though.
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I still remember when bumble had to change their entire premise and business model because as it turns out women are worse at starting conversations than men lmao.
I wholeheartedly believe that the Internet and smart phones have been the biggest double edge swords in human history. We have the entire globes collected knowledge at our fingertips with the ability to connect with any other person on the planet instantly and it has caused the largest shift in loneliness and depression ever.
Humans simply are not wired for social media and the Internet. Seeing every single person you know posting themselves beautiful and dressed up doing the coolest things 24/7 will make anyone feel ugly and like they aren't doing anything with their lives. It takes real focused effort to remember that people (generally) only post when they are doing something special and what you don't see are the days or weeks between posts that show they live the same boring life you live.
I'm ranting for no reason. I think when we lost in person social gatherings as the primary method of meeting new people is when society kicked that concrete block off the cliff. Right now we are just waiting for the rope to snap taught and drag us all into the abyss.
Humans simply are not wired for social media and the Internet. Seeing every single person you know posting themselves beautiful and dressed up doing the coolest things 24/7 will make anyone feel ugly and like they arenāt doing anything with their lives. It takes real focused effort to remember that people (generally) only post when they are doing something special and what you donāt see are the days or weeks between posts that show they live the same boring life you live.
I've never seen a friend post on social media about something and then felt sad. I've instead thought "That looks awesome! Good for them! I can't wait to do something like that too, I'm inspired!"
I think when we lost in person social gatherings as the primary method of meeting new people
This is something only chronically online people say. Most people form almost all of their relationships offline. This is still extremely true of platonic relationships. Online dating has increased in popularity, but mostly this is among people with niche tastes or in remote locations, where finding a match is more difficult due to the rarity of finding potential partners in real life. Tons of people still date primarily via their social circle or community gatherings, and most people use a mix of all their options.
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most men then
Same with my male friends. I also met my wife on an app. This might be more of a you experience thing.
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This reminds me of the conversation I had with my co workers the other day. They basically warned don't do to your 10th/15th year class reunion, especially if you're in a relationship. All the girls who were used to constantly being in demand suddenly... aren't. And they're HORNY. And not in a very good way. In a very sad/depressing way.
Somehow I feel like this is wishful thinking.
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I'm a man and I need a bro to explain me
why are men attracted to younger women?
I'm interested in women my age Ā± like 5 years ish.
when I was a teen I was into teens, in my 20s I was into girls in their 20s...
the idea of dating a 20 years old as a 36 year old man seems gross and annoying.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]So many mid responses to this question, so here is the actual answer.
Men are raised to be more overtly sexual and have the most income (yes yes... my culture, my country, not worldwide, stfu we all know...) , because of this advertising has been focused on men while bombarding us with their image of perfect feminine beauty (which tends to be youthful qualities) to get us to focus on their products, seeing this your entire life you adopt that framework of what beauty is.
Ultimately though its because the majority of the world are NPC's following a script.
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Iāll be honest. I developed more engaging relationships through sugar daddy websites than I ever had through dating sites. And I didnāt spend any money on the sugar babies. I would let my personality carry the relationship and it worked out for a while. Then I made fun of someone trying to do what seemed like. A set up to mug me for money. That got me banned from the site. Miss those days.
Just make a new account
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Somehow I feel like this is wishful thinking.
Wishful thinking? It was a warning.
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How do young people meet new people these days? I met my husband while at work. Became official via Facebook status.
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I still remember when bumble had to change their entire premise and business model because as it turns out women are worse at starting conversations than men lmao.
I wholeheartedly believe that the Internet and smart phones have been the biggest double edge swords in human history. We have the entire globes collected knowledge at our fingertips with the ability to connect with any other person on the planet instantly and it has caused the largest shift in loneliness and depression ever.
Humans simply are not wired for social media and the Internet. Seeing every single person you know posting themselves beautiful and dressed up doing the coolest things 24/7 will make anyone feel ugly and like they aren't doing anything with their lives. It takes real focused effort to remember that people (generally) only post when they are doing something special and what you don't see are the days or weeks between posts that show they live the same boring life you live.
I'm ranting for no reason. I think when we lost in person social gatherings as the primary method of meeting new people is when society kicked that concrete block off the cliff. Right now we are just waiting for the rope to snap taught and drag us all into the abyss.
This was eloquently written and I enjoyed reading your insights. I found your closing metaphor particularly apt!
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Humans simply are not wired for social media and the Internet. Seeing every single person you know posting themselves beautiful and dressed up doing the coolest things 24/7 will make anyone feel ugly and like they arenāt doing anything with their lives. It takes real focused effort to remember that people (generally) only post when they are doing something special and what you donāt see are the days or weeks between posts that show they live the same boring life you live.
I've never seen a friend post on social media about something and then felt sad. I've instead thought "That looks awesome! Good for them! I can't wait to do something like that too, I'm inspired!"
I think when we lost in person social gatherings as the primary method of meeting new people
This is something only chronically online people say. Most people form almost all of their relationships offline. This is still extremely true of platonic relationships. Online dating has increased in popularity, but mostly this is among people with niche tastes or in remote locations, where finding a match is more difficult due to the rarity of finding potential partners in real life. Tons of people still date primarily via their social circle or community gatherings, and most people use a mix of all their options.
