Not stealing
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You are not; but they are not really assholes. They are optimising for some outcome that they want, with inferior tools/mechanisms. Depending on age, their brain runs on emotion most of the time, logic is a distant second place.
In saying all of that....they can seem like assholes in the moment!!!!
Yeah, no. They're assholes. Little ones, but still assholes.
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I can't even differentiate the screams of play time from those of being brutally murdered that the kids I hear playing around my apartment complex make...
Same, and I have kids, so I, technically, should be able to differentiate.
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You are not; but they are not really assholes. They are optimising for some outcome that they want, with inferior tools/mechanisms. Depending on age, their brain runs on emotion most of the time, logic is a distant second place.
In saying all of that....they can seem like assholes in the moment!!!!
Yeah, it's funny. Sometimes my son, 4, he'll talk to me, but his speech and communication are still in the very basics, and I'll say, Buddy, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying, and he'll get frustrated, which leads to anger, all because I don't understand what he's saying.
Turn the tables, I'm like, Dude, go to the bathroom, we're getting in the car, you go to the bathroom before we drive, and he'll say NO! And now I'm the one who's frustrated and angry because he's now the one who's not understanding what I'm saying.
As always, communication is key, and breakdowns always cause problems. And so we're all just along for the ride.
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The problem with parenting advice is every kid is different. This becomes clear after raised a gaggle of them. Anyone with one child that is giving advice is clueless.
My suggestion is not to give that type of child options. Tell them what's happening. Then do it. May that not work any better and ignores why you may have started giving them choices.
You didn't specify an age but typically choices are best for later development. Toddlers are terrorists and one should never negotiate with a terrorist.
So true. I have two and they’re complete opposites. Every single thing that one is easy about the other is hard. I thought that the second would be easier because I learned some things from the first, but every lesson was useless.
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Yeah, it's funny. Sometimes my son, 4, he'll talk to me, but his speech and communication are still in the very basics, and I'll say, Buddy, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying, and he'll get frustrated, which leads to anger, all because I don't understand what he's saying.
Turn the tables, I'm like, Dude, go to the bathroom, we're getting in the car, you go to the bathroom before we drive, and he'll say NO! And now I'm the one who's frustrated and angry because he's now the one who's not understanding what I'm saying.
As always, communication is key, and breakdowns always cause problems. And so we're all just along for the ride.
Ah yes; the tactical wees discussion.
"Yes, I know you don't need to go right now; but we are going to be in the car for 30 - 40 minutes; go to the toilet now please!"
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I can't even differentiate the screams of play time from those of being brutally murdered that the kids I hear playing around my apartment complex make...
The screams of playtime are usually the ones punctuated by an adult yelling at them to shut up.
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I mean, the dick punch was really unnecessary but I am glad that other families experience... Weirdness, I guess. And exclusion of a parent.
I can't count how often I read and heard the advice to "just present your kid with two options to choose from".
My kid, even before she became verbal, always wanted option C when presented with two options.
"Do you want this hat or this cap?" "Neither"
"Do you want this blue pants or these red sweatpants?" "I want... a green... dress" we don't even have a green dress.
"Shall we go to the zoo today or do you want to go to the playground with Anna?" "I want to go on the trampoline" .
Yeah the first time I tried the two options for clothes on my then-two year old, he snatched both options out of my hands, threw them on the ground, and screamed NO CLOTHES
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How old was your kid at the time ? You are giving us hope, we need to know!
They had just turned 4. I remember being really worried because they were starting preschool soon and they were such a demon, I was certain I'd be called on the first day and told they'd been expelled. Now they're in middle school and charming as anything.
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My first kid was a perfect baby, she’d sleep 10 hours straight, she was quiet and never bratty, we would take her to restaurants with all our adult friends and she was always well behaved and didn’t need a tablet and would interact with everyone. We used to silently judge leash kid’s parents with the wife.
Then we had our second, an autistic boy with the energy of a thousand suns. Now I know, the leash isnt for me, it’s for all of you! The tablet at the restaurant makes sense now, and I don’t judge parents anymore
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The screams of playtime are usually the ones punctuated by an adult yelling at them to shut up.
Yeah, the other kind tends to shut itself up pretty quick.
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I present two options. If my kid doesn't pick one of those two options, either by not responding or by requesting a third thing, I'm picking one of the two options for him. And I'm always picking what he's least likely to want.
And I'm always picking what he's least likely to want.
So parents can be assholes too.
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There is a reason for declining child birth numbers... it has everything to do with more people knowing what they are really getting into.
I don't really follow your train of thought. People would have been just as aware (if not more, due to the prevalence of multigenerational households) of this in the past as they are now, no?
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This thread has reminded me of why I don't want kids.
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I’m so feeling this this morning. I asked the 4yo if he wanted cereal or yogurt for breakfast. He screams “I’m not hungry! I want mama!”, runs to his room and slams the door. Two minutes later he comes out and punches me in the dick while I’m making lunches.
I am cracking up at this. Please save this comment word-for-word in a journal or something. Because when he's older and truly appreciates all you've done for him you're going to find it even funnier than I did to remind him of this!
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And I'm always picking what he's least likely to want.
So parents can be assholes too.
I'm not a total asshole: After he's had his "oh shit" moment I give him one more chance to choose. He's usually a lot better at picking one of the two options on his second try.
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I don't really follow your train of thought. People would have been just as aware (if not more, due to the prevalence of multigenerational households) of this in the past as they are now, no?
In the past people didn't have access to a device with endless information about how rough it is the raise kids. Instead they had other local parents as a source, and those parents just wanted company in thier misery.
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I think it's time. you gotta sacrifice the strategy because 11 is old enough to know acab
He's autistic, and that concept is not something he could grasp yet.
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This very much could have been my husband about a decade ago. The last tantrum my middle child ever threw, with lots of screaming and running and destroying things like a fucking tornado in the middle of a Target. Spouse carried them kicking and screaming out to the car while I finished checking out and by the time I got there they were buckled in their car seat, completely calm and composed, like a switch flipped. (As far as I know) it wasn't any sort of punishment or shining moment of parenting, the kid just decided, I'm done now.
And they haven't thrown a fit since.
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My first kid was a perfect baby, she’d sleep 10 hours straight, she was quiet and never bratty, we would take her to restaurants with all our adult friends and she was always well behaved and didn’t need a tablet and would interact with everyone. We used to silently judge leash kid’s parents with the wife.
Then we had our second, an autistic boy with the energy of a thousand suns. Now I know, the leash isnt for me, it’s for all of you! The tablet at the restaurant makes sense now, and I don’t judge parents anymore
We have a nephew who didn't need a leash, but he had the cutest backpack what was a monkey and the tail was a leash that he loved wearing. He just turned 19.
His younger brother did not like the monkey, and he needed a leash. He was a runner. Still is, his mile is right around 6 minutes.
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There is a reason for declining child birth numbers... it has everything to do with more people knowing what they are really getting into.
Yeah we had to raise our siblings. Ain't raising another generation without being paid for it. It's why we work in education.
