Minimum dating standards
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100% this. But also, you can make your own third space by inviting friends over and asking them to bring friends. I met most of my serious girlfriends at various house parties. Friends of friends are somewhat pre-vetted.
You have made one major assumption here which I feel cannot be overlooked.
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To be fair we are all waiting on robot cat girls with Voice ChatGPT & all terrain interior.
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All you need to be a superhero is 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10 km run every day.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Don't forget the bananas
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Yeesh. Sounds like you need a new set of friends or a new town. I wonder how much of the loneliness is down to loads of people living in really sparse areas.
Yeah well y'know, I work, then I'm too tired to go out, can't afford bars anymore and if I could I'm still too old for that shit.
I do go out to some naturey places when the weather permits (of course it's been hotter than the sun until like this week), but it's not like a naturey meet up I just smoke weed and read a book next to the creek, and look at frogs and shit.
Furthermore, I don't know how these people who say "go to X or Y" even find out that X or Y is happening locally, and where/when. Newspapers? Those still around?
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Have you tried? Come back to me in a week.
I did it for 72 days straight back in 2022. Admittedly was a lot easier during the pandemic when you weren't expected to see anyone.
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It's my understanding that women don't want to be asked out at such places, the common complaint being that they can't even enjoy their hobby without guys asking them out.
Finding romantic and sexual partners is really, really hard for people who are unable to find new friends generally.
It's a lot easier to meet women to date when you don't have much trouble talking to women and men you're not at all interested in dating.
The friend of friend angle remains one of the best filters for finding available partners who might actually be compatible with you. And that pool is a lot bigger when you can get along with people through hobbies and activities, who have already kinda vetted that you're a good person who is fun to be around.
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Finding romantic and sexual partners is really, really hard for people who are unable to find new friends generally.
It's a lot easier to meet women to date when you don't have much trouble talking to women and men you're not at all interested in dating.
The friend of friend angle remains one of the best filters for finding available partners who might actually be compatible with you. And that pool is a lot bigger when you can get along with people through hobbies and activities, who have already kinda vetted that you're a good person who is fun to be around.
I can talk to people just fine, when I find people to talk to. But ime most people are busy with their daily lives. Today I'm at work, I'm going to get in my car and drive to lunch, and stop into the grocery store otw home. Sure I can talk to the superficial work friends, but after that it's nobody (in person) all day. My only in town friend has night shift, so he's not chillin.
Could I go to the bar? Sure, but again I don't want to. Could I go to the lake? Hell, might, great day, but I'll be bringing a joint and a book and finding a quiet spot, none of the runners or bikers want to take out their headphones and chat.
"Friends" beyond the superficial level that is basically natural requires us to not be busy ass 30-somethings.
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I can talk to people just fine, when I find people to talk to. But ime most people are busy with their daily lives. Today I'm at work, I'm going to get in my car and drive to lunch, and stop into the grocery store otw home. Sure I can talk to the superficial work friends, but after that it's nobody (in person) all day. My only in town friend has night shift, so he's not chillin.
Could I go to the bar? Sure, but again I don't want to. Could I go to the lake? Hell, might, great day, but I'll be bringing a joint and a book and finding a quiet spot, none of the runners or bikers want to take out their headphones and chat.
"Friends" beyond the superficial level that is basically natural requires us to not be busy ass 30-somethings.
"Friends" beyond the superficial level that is basically natural requires us to not be busy ass 30-somethings.
Generally speaking, for people who don't even have the time or energy to foster friendships and superficial relationships that are already in their life, it's gonna be hard to find, evaluate, and build potential romantic relationships.
That's what meetups and hobby-based activities are for. They're supposed to be fulfilling enough for the activity alone, with the added social benefit of new friends added on. If you'd be willing to do that for the possibility of meeting new romantic partners but not the possibility of meeting new friends, that's gonna be a pretty tough sell even to the potential romantic partners, that you're not really there to make friends.
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Guy I know who is single: "You need to be literally perfect! Tons of money, super athletic, cultured, brilliant, speaking six different languages! It's impossible!"
Girl I know who is single: "Fuck me, I hope this next guy I'm seeing isn't married, can cover his side of the check, and remembered to wash his ass. Although, at this point, two out of three isn't bad."
I'm not Czech, I can cover the sides of my ass, and I remember I'm married.
How did I do?
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"Friends" beyond the superficial level that is basically natural requires us to not be busy ass 30-somethings.
Generally speaking, for people who don't even have the time or energy to foster friendships and superficial relationships that are already in their life, it's gonna be hard to find, evaluate, and build potential romantic relationships.
That's what meetups and hobby-based activities are for. They're supposed to be fulfilling enough for the activity alone, with the added social benefit of new friends added on. If you'd be willing to do that for the possibility of meeting new romantic partners but not the possibility of meeting new friends, that's gonna be a pretty tough sell even to the potential romantic partners, that you're not really there to make friends.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Opposite, I could do that (assuming I could even find said groups, what, newspapers?) for friends but not romantic partners, beyond one of them introducing me to someone. I wouldn't date anyone in the group unless she asked me out because it's my understanding that women don't want to be asked out at the hobby they're "just trying to enjoy" as the complaint often goes. And women, IME, don't often ask people out. It happened to me once, I blew it because I didn't even know how to react lol. Tbf it was kinda on her, I said yes and she didn't follow up with anything. I should have just taken over but I kinda thought she was gonna be like "great friday at 8?" or something but instead I kinda laughed nervously and she just walked away lol.
The part everyone seems to be missing is: I don't need help conversing, I need to know the locations of like groups of nature loving book readers that actively want to chat and how to find their schedule.
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Have you tried? Come back to me in a week.
5 sets of 20 is pretty easy for the bodyweight exercises, the run is the hard part imo
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Can I see a diagram?
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Opposite, I could do that (assuming I could even find said groups, what, newspapers?) for friends but not romantic partners, beyond one of them introducing me to someone. I wouldn't date anyone in the group unless she asked me out because it's my understanding that women don't want to be asked out at the hobby they're "just trying to enjoy" as the complaint often goes. And women, IME, don't often ask people out. It happened to me once, I blew it because I didn't even know how to react lol. Tbf it was kinda on her, I said yes and she didn't follow up with anything. I should have just taken over but I kinda thought she was gonna be like "great friday at 8?" or something but instead I kinda laughed nervously and she just walked away lol.
The part everyone seems to be missing is: I don't need help conversing, I need to know the locations of like groups of nature loving book readers that actively want to chat and how to find their schedule.
wrote last edited by [email protected]The part everyone seems to be missing is: I don't need help conversing, I need to know the locations of like groups of nature loving book readers that actively want to chat and how to find their schedule.
You say this, but you're also in this thread rejecting advice about how to find people because you don't want to talk to people that you find that way, and telling a story about how you've apparently not followed through with someone who asked you on a date. It sounds like you're self sabotaging by refusing to try.
Edit: and to be clear, my main point in this line of comments is that people with active friendships tend to have a much easier time finding available potential partners. That's an active part of the search strategy.
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The part everyone seems to be missing is: I don't need help conversing, I need to know the locations of like groups of nature loving book readers that actively want to chat and how to find their schedule.
You say this, but you're also in this thread rejecting advice about how to find people because you don't want to talk to people that you find that way, and telling a story about how you've apparently not followed through with someone who asked you on a date. It sounds like you're self sabotaging by refusing to try.
Edit: and to be clear, my main point in this line of comments is that people with active friendships tend to have a much easier time finding available potential partners. That's an active part of the search strategy.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Well so far nobody has given advice related to the actual question, just vague platitudes mostly, like "make friends." "Ok, where they at?" Silence. I don't have problems talking with people, I have problems finding people my age that are looking to chat in person. Again, once I find them, I'm off to the races, but where are they? Nobody wants to just chat anywhere I currently go, so where are these chatty cathys?
That was years ago, I was a young man who has never been "asked out" outright before or since, of course the humorous anecdote included me fumbling it. You sound like you think know a lot about me from one story a decade old, what are you Google Analytics or something?
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I keep hearing people say this. Where are you that you don't have parks? Tennis courts or swimming pools or volleyball beaches? There's a spot near my house, just off a popular running trail, that hosted a "Singles Night" and it was swarming with eligible 20-somethings. There's an outdoor theater in downtown that does free-to-the-public shows every month and a dozen other concert halls and sporting arenas that will happily sell you nosebleed seats for cheap. Nevermind the dating 101 spots - movie theaters, dance clubs, and bowling alleys.
"No more third spaces" has become this suffocating meme that cropped up in the wake of COVID. It's like some time after 2021 everyone just forgot how to take a walk near a large body of water and talk to one another for an hour or three.
Last time I met up with friends in a park, we were interrupted by the cops because you apparently have to pay the city to use the picnic table now.
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Guy I know who is single: "You need to be literally perfect! Tons of money, super athletic, cultured, brilliant, speaking six different languages! It's impossible!"
Girl I know who is single: "Fuck me, I hope this next guy I'm seeing isn't married, can cover his side of the check, and remembered to wash his ass. Although, at this point, two out of three isn't bad."
Do they know each other?
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Opposite, I could do that (assuming I could even find said groups, what, newspapers?) for friends but not romantic partners, beyond one of them introducing me to someone. I wouldn't date anyone in the group unless she asked me out because it's my understanding that women don't want to be asked out at the hobby they're "just trying to enjoy" as the complaint often goes. And women, IME, don't often ask people out. It happened to me once, I blew it because I didn't even know how to react lol. Tbf it was kinda on her, I said yes and she didn't follow up with anything. I should have just taken over but I kinda thought she was gonna be like "great friday at 8?" or something but instead I kinda laughed nervously and she just walked away lol.
The part everyone seems to be missing is: I don't need help conversing, I need to know the locations of like groups of nature loving book readers that actively want to chat and how to find their schedule.
It's a numbers game. Spend enough time with enough people and someone's going to like you. I'm a whale and I've had partners. I was only normal body weight when I met the first one, next few have been after I went over 100 KG and then around 135. Okay last one was a gold digger but the others were when I was poor (which I am again now lol)
Oh and I'm a sarcastic asshole too, so my personality itself is quite an acquired taste too. It does, however, help that I can keep a conversation going regardless of what the topic is or whether I know you.. Especially helps with people who take time to get out of their shells. It's funny because I'm actually an introvert but as long as you don't catch me in recovery mode, you could never tell.
The ADHD also helps though. One of the very few areas where it does.
I do think book clubs are still a thing tho. Maybe you need to move to a bigger town?
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Not really. Do 10 of each on the hour for 10 hours straight.
Oh I thought it'd be 100 in a row lol
If you can do them in groups of 10-20, an overweight 5 year old could handle it probably
I uses to do 20 one handed pushups in a row in high school, but nowadays I'm lucky to get 20 normal ones
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If you write messages to other men about how unreasonable women's dating expectations are and its mostly relating to common male insecurities, there's a pretty good chance you're incel posting or parodying an incel.
Height, abs, balding are all common cishet male insecurities, and largely have nothing to do with finding a girlfriend.
Height is definitely a factor, just go on Tinder lol, used to be that a lot of girls bios would say if you're under 180, don't even try, now they can just use the filter. Not sure about the other 2.
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It's a numbers game. Spend enough time with enough people and someone's going to like you. I'm a whale and I've had partners. I was only normal body weight when I met the first one, next few have been after I went over 100 KG and then around 135. Okay last one was a gold digger but the others were when I was poor (which I am again now lol)
Oh and I'm a sarcastic asshole too, so my personality itself is quite an acquired taste too. It does, however, help that I can keep a conversation going regardless of what the topic is or whether I know you.. Especially helps with people who take time to get out of their shells. It's funny because I'm actually an introvert but as long as you don't catch me in recovery mode, you could never tell.
The ADHD also helps though. One of the very few areas where it does.
I do think book clubs are still a thing tho. Maybe you need to move to a bigger town?
I've had plenty partners, but I met them in the bars I no longer wish to attend regularly due to price of the drinks and that I'm successfully drinking a normal amount and I don't need to be getting drunk every night again. So the question becomes where meet now? Doesn't help that I refuse to be scammed by the spyware dating apps.
We sound pretty damn similar (except I've always been poor haha). ADHD and all.
Book clubs is a maybe but I read on my own time, and only things I'm really interested in (ADHD lol). Still though, how find? Lemmy is my only social media.
