Middle Aged Folks with no social group: How do you do it?

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Volunteer work is also a good option.

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This is it OP, you need to get out of your comfort zone and mix it up with the people. Choose going to the gym instead of working out at home, choose reading at the cafe instead of at home, take classes, join groups, go to the farmers market, festivals, wherever

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Reading out is nice and all but it's purposely solitary and any considerate person will not approach you while reading. Interaction with other people should be the focus of the activity. Getting outside the comfort zone is the idea though.

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This right here. I met a lot of cool people after joining a couple groups related to my hobby.

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Tap your old networks, you would surprised that others are in the same boat as you and willing to chat.. Something online together.

Sure most will blow you off but you only need a few to respond in kind.

It is easier than making new friends. Society and age don't enable new friends ship formation as matter of policy

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I have a dog. she counts on me, and I count on her. all other humans are meh..whatever. I know I can't depend on anyone so I don't bother. I've stopped trying because it does nothing but upset me constantly, so I've just closed the doors and opened the windows a crack for some air but otherwise..I don't even bother with humanity.

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I wouldn't say it was unusual to have fewer friends as you age. Plenty of people seem happy spending time by themselves or with their partner.

That said, I've noticed in my 30s that some friends who've coupled up (some with new families tbf), are pulling out of more social plans or generally seeming less interested in hanging out. I think they are making a mistake there: friends are way easier to make in your 20s/30s and you need to tend to friendships to keep them alive.

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I’m married and share a lot of your feelings. Never really had friends, super introverted and anxiety runs my life sometimes. I’ve been struggling with mental health for over 3 decades and it can feel exhausting sometimes. Life feels like a roller coaster at times that I just want off of.

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I was in the same boat 8 or so years ago, when I first started transitioning, and what I did was find local groups for things I liked on Meetup.com and joined them. I also started attending conversions for things I liked too, if your area hosts any.

At a local anime convention, I met a gaming group which I liked and joined and would eventually meet my current partner in. I had also joined a local board gaming group which is where I met one of my closest friends who was also in a similar alone situation and we ended up bonding because of that and our shared interests.

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If there is volunteer work available to you and you are able bodied enough to participate then that is a great avenue for making friends with the side effect of improving your community. There is also political organizing but you mentioned you are very rural so this is probably unavailable to you. Being around others, not just to hangout, but to accomplish a shared goal is a great way to become friends without feeling out of place or forced. Hobbies that get you out of the house and require active participation between people are also great for this.

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I feel you.

I have a group chat with a few friends from high school, and we get together once or twice a year, but other than them, it's just my wife and I hanging out at home. We're both introverted and love being together, but we both get bored of doing the same stuff all the time.

We are also in a very rural location, so there aren't a lot of options to get out and do something, without it being a major ordeal.

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I am in your friends position… between a rough pregnancy and being overwhelmed with being a new parent, I dropped off the social radar for almost two full years. Reconnecting was a bit weird, but totally doable.

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This is a good suggestion. I'm 59 and like OP moved to a very rural area of the USA. Other than my wife, I had no social outlet at all. Meetup.com failed me though, because I'm in a profoundly rural area. There was literally nothing of interest to me within 50 miles on the site. On the other hand, my quest did lead me to a gaming lounge about 1/2 an hour from home and a group of people to get together and play RPGs and board games with.

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A few years ago I had a falling out with the people I once considered to be my closest friends. It fucked me up pretty bad, I'm still not over it.

But last year I started leaving the house again. I'd been playing Riichi Mahjong online for years, and one day I just had the bright idea to check if there was any kind of local club near me to play in-person. There was, should've looked into this sooner.

I've met some pretty cool people through this game, and I'm starting to put myself back together at least a little. I can't say my mental health is totally healed, but I'm a little better than where I used to be.

Whatever interests you have, look into any kinds of local hobby groups or activities you can get involved with.

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I wouldn't worry about it too much if you just haven't seen people for a while. I've got friends I see <1 time a year but we pick up where we left off.

I was maybe grumbling on the downlow there about a couple who have become quite flaky and keep cancelling on my partner and I at the last minute. Try to avoid doing that too often!

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Im married so im mostly going through the motions for my wife. Not sure what I would do if she passed away.

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I started programming a couple years back and started going to java meetups. Most meetup groups in my area have many regulars that I know by name now and they know me. They're not friends, but they're nice to meet once a month.

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I don't exactly know. My wife and kids help me stay sane (or push me in the other direction). They are my everything, even though I wish I had some other outlets.

I have a friend I see every year or two.

I had another friend who transitioned and we drifted apart because every conversation revolved around that and as happy as I am for her, our relationship began around gaming and movies and nerd stuff and that glue just faded away. I'm still emotionally invested in her well-being, but we don't have anything in common any more.

Another close friend lost his job and moved states to live with his brother and mom

And that's basically it. Other than my family, I just have social media, but I'm pretty private and don't really open myself up online, preferring to interact anonymously. So I don't have any advice to help, but you're not alone (in a totally unhelpful way).

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Mid-50s here. Maybe not quite as isolated as you. Stopped working (60 hour weeks) a few years ago; family all 4+ hours away - visit 2ce/year; couple of friends on the other coast I exchange daily-ish emails, but no hang-out-and-watch-the-game people.

Everyone's different, and I don't really feel the emptyness you describe. I read, both print and web. I post on lemmy maybe 1/day, sometimes twice, sometimes not for days, but reading threads here, I think, satisfies my need for interaction, even if it's just voyeuristically watching other people's conversation. Video games, all single-player. Youtube cooking channels and a bit of my own cooking - can't really cook that much for one person. Some wood/craft/metal projects.

I thought I'd become lonely when I stopped working. Planned to look around for volunteer opportunities, maybe take up a yoga or other fitness-type class, but that loneliness or emptyness just hasn't hit. I did spend a couple years sort of tapering off contact with the people I used to work with: get coffee on the weekend or consult on some project, but I haven't even heard from them in years now.

All that just to say: the people you see flourishing may just have a different experience of social satisfaction than you, and just because you see someone apparently happy in a situation doesn't mean you can be happy in the same sitch. There's lots of good advice in this thread, but you can start even smaller. Check in with a neighbor - make up some pretense if you need, like baked too many cookies, harvested too many tomatoes, can't lift heavy-thing into the right place. If they aren't complete assholes for that 5 minutes, try something else. If they are, try a different neighbor.

On the 'in case of emergency' thing: the last time I needed a ride to a medical thing, because they won't discharge you to Uber, my neighbor was right there. Lived next door to him for 20 years, but we exchange, maybe, three sentences in a month. I don't even know his daughter's name or the grandkids that visit periodically. I don't know what I'll do if/when I start to have medical stuff that needs recovery assistance. Maybe a home health worker. Maybe just hope I can hold out until Medicare will pay for inpatient rehab. But I was happy to see the 'community pulls together to help its own' phenomenon in person, even a recluse like me.

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The scariest part is pushing for that next step to be friends. Meeting outside the club and then actually getting to know each other, being vulnerable with people.

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Middle Aged Folks with no social group: How do you do it?