Let's play this game again
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Shoot butts out my laser
Butt laser you say?
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I can upvote or downvote as many times as I want
Most communities find it a violation and ban you, reverting your votes
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Every single (non-human) animal is friendly to me.
Every animal wants to come into your house to greet their friend
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Will to live
Doesn't come with extra happiness. You just get to live a miserable life in dim hopes it will ever get better.
P.S. On a serious note, there is hope and a good life, I just extrapolated the situation by adding will to live in itself. You deserve all the best!
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Be able to transform into animals
But you can never truly change who you are.
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infinite money
You did such a frivolous spending you ended up causing massive disruptive inflation that destroyed the industry and the economy. Earth is now a much less friendly place to be.
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ability to make people say/do what you want them to
But you have to say it with a silly voice, and if either of you laughs the effect is broken.
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Be able to transform into animals
The transformation takes about a week each way. So you have a lot of awkward time where you've got furry privates and horrible clawed hands while you wait for the change to complete.
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While you can shoot spaghetti and meat sauce out of your fingers, it is incredibly painful. Each noodle bores a new hole through your finger tips every time you do this, and your pasta therefore doesn't pass health inspection
That is disgusting but so well written
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Neural typical ignoramus is what I choose. I'd like to be able to ignore what's happening in my country and be happy like a bunch of these dumbassss
You become a MAGA supporter
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Mind reading
Whenever you do it, the fact you're reading someone's mind is announced loudly in their mind and in the minds of anyone nearby.
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Controlling time to undo mistakes i have done in the past
Like misspelling "undo"?
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infinite money
IRS audits, people kidnapping you and/or your family to get at your money, an inability to know who likes you for yourself and who just wants your money...
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The ability to change the probability of events happening
You can only make small changes, and it doesn't always work. So, you don't actually know if you have the power or if something slightly improbable happened.
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Speed up or slow down time at will
You can't actually change time, just your perception of time. Your muscles don't move any faster. If someone is throwing a punch at you and you slow down time, you can appreciate the fist moving at your face for an hour of your slowed-down time, but you still can't dodge the punch. If you speed up time, you still need to eat, sleep, and perform other bodily functions. So, instead of getting hungry every few hours, you get hungry in what feels like seconds. And, since you don't have super-speed, you need to slow time back down again so you can eat.
It might still be a power worth having, but it's not as awesome as it might seem at first.
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Be able to transform into animals
But not humans
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The transformation takes about a week each way. So you have a lot of awkward time where you've got furry privates and horrible clawed hands while you wait for the change to complete.
Oh you had to go there - Op becomes the most successful account on patreon.
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impeccable social skills
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Super speed of course!!
I like to imagine that this is what it's actually like for The Flash, or Quicksilver or another speedster:
Sure, you can move super fast, but to do that, your thinking also has to speed up to handle that fast movement. So, it's more like everything else in the universe slows down except you. Now, it's still an amazing power, but think about those times when The Flash uses his super speed to build a brick wall nearly instantly, or to read every book in the library in the blink of an eye.
To you, building that brick wall takes what feels like a week. You're running at what feels like 30 km/h to get a handful of bricks. It feels like it takes you about 20 minutes to get to the place with the bricks. You run them back to the place you're building the wall, you put them into the wall. Then you run another 20 minutes to get the next load of bricks. While you're doing this boring wall building, you can't chat with anybody, you can't listen to a podcast, you're just stuck doing manual labour for what feels like a week without any distractions or entertainment.
If you speed-read every book in a library, that feels like it takes a month. Hopefully you like reading dry reference books, or whatever it is you're reading, because that's all you get to do for however long it takes. Someone watching you might see you flipping through the pages in fractions of a second. But, to you, it still feels like it takes 2 minutes or so per page, and that's if the material isn't difficult to understand.
Maybe super speed needs to come with super autism so that you get really engaged in these tasks and don't mind sinking what feels like days, weeks or months into one monotonous thing.
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impeccable social skills
You ward everyone away with your constant bad body odor
