do you think freewill truly exists?
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Exactly. I can't remember where I heard this - it might have been a podcast like RadioLab or something else - but it was talking about how happily married, intelligent couples talk to each other .
It turns out, it's not usually super deep, intelligent conversations. The vast majority of conversations are just meaningless bullshit. Most of the time, couples aren't even really talking to each other, but they're just kind of thinking aloud. Stupid stuff like, "I swear I saw a dozen blue Volkswagens today."
It turns out that people who are comfortable with each other don't need to have deep conversations all the time. They can just relax, unwind, and be themselves.
My partner will talk to herself, loud enough to be audible, but not (to deaf me.) loud enough to be coherent. Drives me fucking insane. I have my ways of driving her insane.
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Literally yes.
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But also meaningless bullshit. That does not denote a bad relationship.
The way I understand "Smalltalk" is not whether the subject matter is "serious enough" but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
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"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
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That's the casual conversations of my DnD party
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"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
Lotta folks on both sides of this conversation who have never been in a long-term relationship.
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Because the statement is incomplete. It should be “hate small talk with certain people or strangers”. You can hate small talk with most people but at the same time talk with your spouse for hours.
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When I say "I hate small talk" I actually mean "please Shut up, Im really anxious and I don't know what to respond to you other that nodding and «Thats crazy»"
wrote last edited by [email protected]When most people say "I hate small talk" it's because they don't socialize broadly and don't really "get" how it works, and how it's often just a way of expressing how you feel at that moment, and when two people are making small-talk, it's less about the information being shared and more about the tone, intimacy and connection, like sharing space and being open with passing thoughts.
People in a healthy relationship will "small talk" for hours about the weather or pizza prices, and then launch into a deep debate about post-modernism and expressionist art, which will dissolve as one or both get distracted by the pizza finally arriving.
When someone says "I hate small talk" it just reveals they have no understanding how human connection actually works and think two people talking has to play out narratively like media, television shows or movies.
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no ofc not
youve got the illusion of it, but you cant control if you will move away from a flame or when you feel sleepy
and the rest of your thoughts are just funky chemical
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with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
wrote last edited by [email protected]Absolutely, but a lot of people don't understand that you can't arrive to that point by not ever "small talking" along the way. Small-talk is how we express to each other how we feel, how we want to be talked to, what we notice around us and so on. It's a critical component to socializing. Conversations between human beings doesn't play out narratively like in media and movies, there's no "point" to conversing with someone you're close to, you're just sharing shit.
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with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
One of the best relationships I ever had.
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My partner will talk to herself, loud enough to be audible, but not (to deaf me.) loud enough to be coherent. Drives me fucking insane. I have my ways of driving her insane.
That may be a blessing for the both of you, friend.
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That may be a blessing for the both of you, friend.
Sorry mate, that’s gone right over my head. She’s said to me that “love is putting up with your partners downsides”. I’m a massive pain in the arse, so …
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with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
This! Silence is so much better than unnecessary and forced talking
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When most people say "I hate small talk" it's because they don't socialize broadly and don't really "get" how it works, and how it's often just a way of expressing how you feel at that moment, and when two people are making small-talk, it's less about the information being shared and more about the tone, intimacy and connection, like sharing space and being open with passing thoughts.
People in a healthy relationship will "small talk" for hours about the weather or pizza prices, and then launch into a deep debate about post-modernism and expressionist art, which will dissolve as one or both get distracted by the pizza finally arriving.
When someone says "I hate small talk" it just reveals they have no understanding how human connection actually works and think two people talking has to play out narratively like media, television shows or movies.
Pal you actually sounds like someone who really HATES small talk, Jesus...
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But most people who are invested in small talk will be giving the signals they think the other person wants, making it less useful than not talking at all.
This is coming from someone who learned how to do small talk, watches other people completely flip their personality the moment they are out of the small talk, and only uses it when necessary because everyone else does. I do avoid common topics I have no interest in, like watching sports, and avoid getting into the weeds of topics and that works well enough for anyone I would want to talk to later.
But most people who are invested in small talk will be giving the signals they think the other person wants, making it less useful than not talking at all.
I don't think this is true. When I engage in small talk, I don't see it as me bending flexibly to the conversation partner's wants. I'm testing to see if there are common overlaps that we can talk about, and talking for the sake of being entertained. If the other person turns out not to be a good conversation partner for me in that moment, I don't think anything of just moving on. I'm not trying to please them, I'm trying to enjoy myself.
I can't imagine I'm in the minority here.
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Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.wrote last edited by [email protected]I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
But pray tell doth the burrito qualify as a sandwich
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The way I understand "Smalltalk" is not whether the subject matter is "serious enough" but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
This exactly. "Do you think free will exists" could, in fact, be small talk, if neither of you is particularly interested in the topic.
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My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
I like the word "pairents"
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Being in a relationship means you can come home and totally info-dump unguarded about whatever weird thing you're contemplating and the person opposite you will be happy you're there and delighted that you're happy or sad with you if you're sad. It also means you do this for the other person with genuine interest. I don't call that "small talk".
