What was a time when your joke landed with perfect comedic timing?
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Could you explain this? I don't know if it's an translation error or local figure of speech where lips and assholes means something else than body parts, or if I need to know what a can of Vienna sausages is to get the joke.
It's an old saying that hot dogs are made from lips and assholes, meaning all the parts you don't want to eat.
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It's an old saying that hot dogs are made from lips and assholes, meaning all the parts you don't want to eat.
I see, thank you
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Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
Daaad, get off the interent.
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
Was playing slo-pitch (beer league rec baseball), pitching. The other team was short one player, so when the missing player came up to bat, there would be an automatic out.
It's bottom of the last inning and we're tied, two outs. Batter in the box and "automatic out" is on deck. My shortstop says: "if you walk this batter, they cannot win." I decline, and throw decent pitches - our thirdbaselady makes a perfect line drive catch to preserve the tie. Walking off the field, I say the the shortstop.
"I couldn't do it. If I walk the batter, then after the game when I go touch myself -- I wouldn't have enjoyed it." The bench dies laughing.
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I have two. The first one I can’t even believe it happened because it feels like bad writing to contrive the perfect circumstances.
I was in a tiny local comedy thing and we did these Weekend Update-style reworkings of local news. Someone was working out a skit that involved a bear and asked if anybody had a bear suit they could borrow. Turns out, they were pretty sure someone else at the comedy theater, a guy named Juan, had one. Someone asked, “Would it fit me?”
I had to say it.
“Guys, Juan size fits all!”
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The other was waaaay back, watching The Matrix at the student center in college. It had been out for a while and everybody had already seen it, but getting to rewatch it for a couple bucks on a big screen was worth it even for a poor college student. It comes to the scene where Agent Smith has Morpheus chained up and is interrogating him, then he describes the way humans consume and spread and destroy everything around them. Smith says, “Do you know what else does that?”
I call out from the crowd…
I’m not the kind to talk in movies, but again, I had to say it.
These are both brilliant. I applaud you!
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Many years ago I went to the movies to see a movie, I think it was Season of the witch (although I thought it was way before 2011). There's a scene where someone is trying to do an exorcism and the demon shouts with a very deep voice "SILENCE", and then there are a couple of seconds of silence in which I couldn't resist calling in the correct tone "I kill you".
For those too young or that have already forgotten about it look for Achmed the Dead Terrorist on YouTube.
I feel like racist puppet man may be better off forgotten, though.
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Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
Had this in my meme folder for a long time now.
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I was with some friends, talking about TV shows. The guys were saying how good Chernobyl was, but women were saying it's too depressing, and they'd rather watch trash TV like Love Island. So to compromise I said they should make a series called Three Mile Love Island. That might be one of my best jokes ever
I don't get it. Care to explain, please? Is three mile a reference to Chernobyl?
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Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
I don't get it. Is this like an "obvious explanation" joke?
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I don't get it. Care to explain, please? Is three mile a reference to Chernobyl?
It was a different nuclear disaster in America. Not as bad as Chernobyl
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
Picture this.
Couple days after Hurricane Ivan; Taiwanese kid, black guy, me and another white guy, playing cards on the porch, a single light bulb powered off a van battery.
Black guy we just met keeps getting me and the other white guy mixed up, swapping "John" for "Josh". After about the fourth time, the other guy pipes up:
"I'm John, he's Josh."
Black guy is sorely embarrassed.
"Man, I'm so sorry y'all! Just can't get it right!"
"It's cool. I know us white people all look alike to y'all black folk."
dead
silence
<everybody looking around to see if it's cool to laugh>
We were SCREAMING!
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
I was at a restaurant with my wife's family - lots of kids.
This place was in a fairly rural area and there were chickens pecking around outside.
While eating one of the kids says "A chicken just crossed the road!"
No hesitation at all I yell "WHY?!?"
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Picture this.
Couple days after Hurricane Ivan; Taiwanese kid, black guy, me and another white guy, playing cards on the porch, a single light bulb powered off a van battery.
Black guy we just met keeps getting me and the other white guy mixed up, swapping "John" for "Josh". After about the fourth time, the other guy pipes up:
"I'm John, he's Josh."
Black guy is sorely embarrassed.
"Man, I'm so sorry y'all! Just can't get it right!"
"It's cool. I know us white people all look alike to y'all black folk."
dead
silence
<everybody looking around to see if it's cool to laugh>
We were SCREAMING!
my in-laws were at the grocery store and an older black lady came down the isle looking confused. she spoke up and asked, "Are there any crackers in this isle?"
my FIL spoke up and looked her dead in the eye and said, "Just the two of us."
The lady stood there for a moment, even more confused and then busted out cackling as she walked away.
not even a few minutes later, a couple isles over, the cackling resumed with some other laughter with it.
racism's powerless in the light of comedy.
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I feel like racist puppet man may be better off forgotten, though.
are you not entertained!?
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
watching clerks 2 in theaters.
the scene when Dante and Rosario are talking about fucking on the prep table and how she got mayo all up in her cooch. my friend and I both shouted out, "that wasn't mayo!”
folks got a kick out of that. the laughs were even better when it turns out she got preggers.
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my in-laws were at the grocery store and an older black lady came down the isle looking confused. she spoke up and asked, "Are there any crackers in this isle?"
my FIL spoke up and looked her dead in the eye and said, "Just the two of us."
The lady stood there for a moment, even more confused and then busted out cackling as she walked away.
not even a few minutes later, a couple isles over, the cackling resumed with some other laughter with it.
racism's powerless in the light of comedy.
Oh my lord, perfect! In the late 90s I had never heard the word cracker. Working Nissan Consumer Affairs, lady on the phone went off, "Well ain't you a smartass little cracker!" Slammed the phone. (And yes, I was being a smartass.)
Pulled my black friend aside, "Hey Darren, just got called a 'cracker'. Sounds like a racial slur, right?"
LOL my god, he took a step back:
"SHALFI you ain't never heard that word?!"
"Um."
"You know, like a slave master? <pantomiming a whip>"
"OH!"
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I have two. The first one I can’t even believe it happened because it feels like bad writing to contrive the perfect circumstances.
I was in a tiny local comedy thing and we did these Weekend Update-style reworkings of local news. Someone was working out a skit that involved a bear and asked if anybody had a bear suit they could borrow. Turns out, they were pretty sure someone else at the comedy theater, a guy named Juan, had one. Someone asked, “Would it fit me?”
I had to say it.
“Guys, Juan size fits all!”
—-
The other was waaaay back, watching The Matrix at the student center in college. It had been out for a while and everybody had already seen it, but getting to rewatch it for a couple bucks on a big screen was worth it even for a poor college student. It comes to the scene where Agent Smith has Morpheus chained up and is interrogating him, then he describes the way humans consume and spread and destroy everything around them. Smith says, “Do you know what else does that?”
I call out from the crowd…
I’m not the kind to talk in movies, but again, I had to say it.
I regularly do something similar to the second one: depending on the vibe, when a Lord of the Rings rewatch is happening, I'll often answer Elrond's "Welcome to Rivendell" with "...Mr. Anderson."
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
Every damn time I speak.
I’m sometimes exhausting…
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I feel like racist puppet man may be better off forgotten, though.
Probably, I honestly don't remember the actual sketch too much, but at the time it was part of the zeitgeist and it was an example of perfect comedic timing.
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On a visit in the GDR when it still was real. Me being young and from the West, I tried to tell them a political joke about the GDR. Then they explained to me why the joke doesnt work, and their reality is even worse than my joke.
It was embarrassing, comical, political, all of it... Can't make up such a situation.
(I don't repeat it here, because hardly anybody could understand it anymore today)
Go oooooon.
Love from Germany (former Brandenburg).
