How old is too old to have kids, in your opinion?

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By the time they turn 20, you're 60. What kind of childhood can you provide if you're older than that? It's about THEM. The age is purely based on what you can provide them and for how many years.

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Idk about other folks but for me my cutoff is 40. I'm only now starting my 30s and I already can't see how I'd be doing active stuff beyond that. It would be irresponsible on my part. That and I can't even afford a house rn so haha

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How is no one else bringing this up?

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Otherwise you're getting too old to properly take care of your kids over the years. Never too old to adopt though

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Any age.

If there are foster kids available who need a home, then it is immoral to make more children

But i would say most people 30+ are fine adopting.

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Breeders on the downvotes

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I hope this is a troll post. 35 is a typical age where one settles in life, not old.

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Strictly speaking from a biological sense: whetever age the woman is when she has no eggs to fertilize.

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I had some in my 20s and some late 30s and I personally wouldn't want to literally be pregnant older than 40.

If I was not married though, and if I had more money wouldn't mind fostering to adopt a couple of teenagers. My kids are adult now, they are a good network and those older kids get set free without any help or place to land, we could give family to more kids.

More relevant to your situation - there are no guarantees even if you aren't old. My dad died when I was 16, he was only in his 50s and I wouldn't change anything, we were so close, I would rather have had him for my early years than anyone else for longer. And my kids and step kids, the gap between oldest and youngest is 22 years and they all get along. If his kids have kids I do think that could get weird.

ETA - old dads do introduce some risk, higher chance of schizophrenia for one thing, so do consider that, if you thought it was only the mom's age that mattered.

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You're asking for opinions so here's mine.

It's kind of a shitty world to bring a child into. I know people have said this for probably centuries, but now it's more true, I think, due to climate change, politics, technology, etc.
Are you wealthy? If not, kids are expensive and makes you more dependent on not losing your job.
Kids ruin your independence and maybe your relationship. Would you and your husband agree on how the child would be raised. What would happen if you broke up?
Your husband will be 70 when the child turns 18. SEVENTY! ( I can't see the post while I'm typing. I think you said he's 51, right? )

People always say they are happy they did it and wouldn't give up parenthood for anything. But they also say they were happiest BEFORE the children arrived.

That said there are lots of positives too, but this is sort of from my perspective when we had to make the choice. My wife is a devout Christian and I'm an atheist. I let her do her thing and she lets me do mine. We don't talk about religion really, but a decision would have to be made regarding a child.

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Hard disagree. Had GF with adopted parents that were in their 60s when she was a teen and they were amazing parents. Sure they didn't go play tennis with her or whatever but they were way more put together, financially stable, and handled conflict well. Because they were more experienced. They didn't relate to her as much on pop culture.

The big downside in the age gap is that you'll die earlier in their life.

Also you have to consider that around 40 pregnancies get more dangerous for the mother, so I agree that it's a pretty good cap for that reason, but not the age difference itself.

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You can freeze eggs. Checkmate!!

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I don't think your issue is age, it's more motivation. You may have some 'baby fever' but also so say you don't care one way or another and your husband is at least mildly against. Those are the best reasons why you should not consider children. If you BOTH were really excited to have a child and willing to make whatever changes necessary to have that child, your current ages wouldn't be a problem.

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A rationality check for you, specifically, from a purely biological standpoint:

For a woman, peak fertility occurs between about 16 and 28. After 30, fertility starts dropping more and more rapidly every year, with pregnancies after 35 being classified by the medical system as “geriatric pregnancies” due to their age-related risk.

By the time most women hit 40, they need to put forth up to 30× the effort to become pregnant as they would have when 18, and by 45 most women are considered by the medical system as being functionally sterile.

That’s not to say that women cannot become pregnant after the age of 45, it just becomes highly unlikely without many tens of thousands of dollars of medical assistance.

Natural pregnancies after 45, and without any medical assistance, really only happen to women who have - ironically enough - been pregnant for most of their adult lives, because pregnancy pauses the natural cycle for up to 9 months. This pausing of the ovulation cycle prevents eggs from being expended, and pushes back the decline of fertility by up to as much as a decade if full pregnancies occur often enough. However, since this means carrying a full pregnancy to term each and every year from the teenage years onwards, I seriously doubt that any woman would willingly reach for brood mare status just for a longer fertile window.

So if you have any desire to have a child safely and easily, now would be the time to do so.

Your husband, on the other hand, is likely to continue being fertile until the day he dies. The only risk he faces is a significant rise of mutations in his sperm (starting in his late-40s) that can lead to rates of genetic diseases and birth defects in his children that directly correlates to his age. As in, he ought to be motivated to act soon, as well, but has far less pressure to do so than you do.

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Older more patient and wise parents are not a bad thing.

The main concern if I were you are if I have plans in the next 20 years or so that conflict with having a child. Thats really the only source of apprehension I'd have.

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My father was 41 when I was born and just from my personal experience I wouldn't do that to a child.
My father was very active and played sports regularly, but still when I was in elementary school he was already too old for many things. Accidents happened and at that age the body doesn't really heal well from injuries. His back hurt too much to pick me up, no riding in daddy's shoulders. A lot of "Please be more quiet", "Don't be so wild" etc in my childhood. I always resented that, because I saw other dads being very active and going out, playing, running with their kids the same age as me.
No matter how active your husband is now, his body won't tolerate injuries or sleep deprivation as much anymore.

When I went to university my parents told me they wouldn't be able to support me as much as my older brother, because my father was retiring soon. Have you thought of the financial aspects? If your husband retires around 65, your child will be in his early teens. Will you be able to provide money for school trips, college funds etc.?

You also have a high chance of any health related problem quickly becoming exponentially worse with age. As I said, my father was very active and played in a local basketball team. He had a knee injury and needed surgery when he was around 50, so I was still in elementary school. It was a minor surgery and would have been no problem for someone younger, but at his age it never fully healed and kicked off a lot of related health issues. He visibly deteriorated after that and within 10 years he became slower in moving and thinking. He was still as active as possible, but that wasn't very much. Being a teenager whose father always demanded peace and quiet, who needed things to be repeated several times because his hearing was failing, wasn't very fun.

You will deprive your child of a lot. Their father won't be there for them in many key ways that other parents are: he'll be too old to help with moving to the first appartment, too out of touch and tired when the question of buying the first car comes up. There's a good chance he won't be there anymore for the wedding. And you aren't doing yourself a favor either when you're going to have to take care of an aging husband and a young adult who just left the nest and still needs support in your 50s.

And all that is if you can get pregnant quickly, which is also getting unlikely given his age.

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How is age not a problem? I went to school with a guy who's parents were 65-ish when we were 14. He was completely alienated from the rest of us. When we talked about playstation games we liked, he just stood around awkwardly, because he only got wooden toys to play with. While my dad wasn't super active either, i did see him run at least abd we did some stuff together.

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There are plenty of crunchy granola moms who only let their kids play with wooden toys, regardless of age. Yes, your parents' generation does affect your upbringing, but it sounds like your buddy had unusual parents regardless of age.

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LOL. Do you really think 65 year olds can't ask their kids what they want to play with?

Parents of any age can be dickheads.

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I'm biased. 42 when we had our first kids, twins.

Depends on your guy and your circumstances.

Being more settled (having more money) as an older parent is a huge advantage.

I had 6 months off work during our pregnancy just to do all the things (complex pregnancy). My partner hasn't worked since she fell pregnant.

We had 2 au pairs for the first 6 months to help out.

I just generally have more dad time than other guys. For example, i almost always drop our kids at day care and pick them up after, on my e-bike. I very, very rarely see any other dads there. At fathers day afternoon tea there were me and 2 other dads...

We've recently made down payments on an apartment for each of them. They will be paid off by the time they're ready for uni.

We're not wealthy, just more settled in our 40s.

Other dads in their 20s might have more hair than me and I'm sure some dads are just cooler than me, but I dont think there's any real risk my kids will be disadvantaged in any way.

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How old is too old to have kids, in your opinion?