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I would say she seemed toxic imo. Good thing you left. I would probably say the only thing you could have done better was to be direct and break things off straight away. Or try to explain to her why she made you uncomfortable instead.
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But am I wrong for dumping her?
Fuck nah, that shits fucked up bro. The only way I would get back together if she agreed to go to therapy with me; IMO she herself has some deep seated trust issues that it seems she's not entirely aware of.
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wrote last edited by [email protected]- A ten-year age gap is a huge red flag if one of the two is literally 20 yrs old. No offense to you, but as someone in their 30s, I cannot express just how much of a different place you’re in between 20 and 30. Straight up, 30 yr olds shouldn’t be snooping after 20 yr olds (and yes I know she’s technically 29, but the point def still stands).
- What she did would be considered sexual assault to many people, myself included. Lying about condom use flies in the face of consent. Not trying to pathologize, but I sincerely hope you’re okay. You mention wanting to kill yourself at one point. Based on everything you said, you should NOT be in a relationship with her toxic ass. Not trying to be cute, but you should consider talking to a therapist about what you had to go through. Cuz that’s a lot for anyone to handle.
- Fuck ICE
- Break up, move on, and good luck.
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NTA - if someone describes themself as toxic and then goes on to exhibit extremely toxic behaviour, save yourself the pain and get rid.
PS, removing a condom during sex without permission is a form of rape.
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This really freaked me out because on the first time we had sex, she took off my condom without permission and then said, when I didn’t want to go all the way, “You don’t trust me?”
Biggest red flag right there. If you say no and she pressures you, that's more or less sexual assault.
The rest of her behaviour does not sound remotely healthy. It sounds like she was playing your emotions for whatever reason; with the hang ups, not answering, deflecting everything, etc.
You dodged a bullet.
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wrote last edited by [email protected]This girl's the dirtbag. NTA in my book. Holy cow what a ride you were forced upon....
Edit: Now that I think about it, I wonder if there's an AITA thing on Lemmy. If not, I'd be happy to make that.
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- A ten-year age gap is a huge red flag if one of the two is literally 20 yrs old. No offense to you, but as someone in their 30s, I cannot express just how much of a different place you’re in between 20 and 30. Straight up, 30 yr olds shouldn’t be snooping after 20 yr olds (and yes I know she’s technically 29, but the point def still stands).
- What she did would be considered sexual assault to many people, myself included. Lying about condom use flies in the face of consent. Not trying to pathologize, but I sincerely hope you’re okay. You mention wanting to kill yourself at one point. Based on everything you said, you should NOT be in a relationship with her toxic ass. Not trying to be cute, but you should consider talking to a therapist about what you had to go through. Cuz that’s a lot for anyone to handle.
- Fuck ICE
- Break up, move on, and good luck.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I was never planning on calling ICE. I was asking because if she were to take me to court, I would tell her to take a DNA test (My friend told me she needs to have citizenship for that or else she can't collect). I'm sorry if this is a short response, I'm currently at work with limited time to respond. I kmow It's fucked up, I know, but I would never do that to her ever. Not at all my intention. I was really in love with her at first before she made that joke. I wrote her a 3 page letter, played guitar anf sang for her, etc. which had a part in her wanting to "stay" with me I believe. It was also my first time going all the way, so when she said that, I literally freaked out inside and didn't know what to do. This is also my first date ever.
EDIT: Just got out of work, I read the rest of your comment. Thank you for the support because it really did mess me up badly, I should probably go see a therapist. I was in complete stress for 3 months until that other coworker told me that he saw her down the street (she lives by work) and said she's not pregnant. This is from a coworker I trust.
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I'm always assuming devils advocate whenever I see these posts. I gave up halfway through the first paragraph. The first time its nothing more than a distasteful joke and is ultimately probably pretty funny when all is said and done. The fourth time is a repeat offender and it was always intentional get the fuck out of there holy shit dawg RUN.
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wrote last edited by [email protected]NTA
...the first time we had sex, she took off my condom without permission...
This is sexual assault and illegal in some places. Granted it is normally the reverse, but I believe the law is written so that it goes both ways.
EDIT:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-consensual_condom_removal -
I was never planning on calling ICE. I was asking because if she were to take me to court, I would tell her to take a DNA test (My friend told me she needs to have citizenship for that or else she can't collect). I'm sorry if this is a short response, I'm currently at work with limited time to respond. I kmow It's fucked up, I know, but I would never do that to her ever. Not at all my intention. I was really in love with her at first before she made that joke. I wrote her a 3 page letter, played guitar anf sang for her, etc. which had a part in her wanting to "stay" with me I believe. It was also my first time going all the way, so when she said that, I literally freaked out inside and didn't know what to do. This is also my first date ever.
EDIT: Just got out of work, I read the rest of your comment. Thank you for the support because it really did mess me up badly, I should probably go see a therapist. I was in complete stress for 3 months until that other coworker told me that he saw her down the street (she lives by work) and said she's not pregnant. This is from a coworker I trust.
No one said you were planning on calling ICE.
It’s just something that gets said in general, because fuck ICE.
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No one said you were planning on calling ICE.
It’s just something that gets said in general, because fuck ICE.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Oh, okay, I understand.
Fuck ICE.
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This girl's the dirtbag. NTA in my book. Holy cow what a ride you were forced upon....
Edit: Now that I think about it, I wonder if there's an AITA thing on Lemmy. If not, I'd be happy to make that.
I don't know, if only it didn't attract all kinds of creative writers and compulsive liars, in search of sympathy and sweet sweet upvotes...
"I kicked my son out and disowned him because he didn't like my ketchup ranch lasagna AITA" -
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You were wrong for having a relationship with a coworker. Don't shit where you eat as they say. I would avoid any girls like this. removed the condom. wtf. I would assume she was inviting anal at that point.
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This really freaked me out because on the first time we had sex, she took off my condom without permission and then said, when I didn’t want to go all the way, “You don’t trust me?”
Biggest red flag right there. If you say no and she pressures you, that's more or less sexual assault.
The rest of her behaviour does not sound remotely healthy. It sounds like she was playing your emotions for whatever reason; with the hang ups, not answering, deflecting everything, etc.
You dodged a bullet.
Given the horrific treatment it's more like the bullet grazed them. What a fucked up thing to experience.
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You were wrong for having a relationship with a coworker. Don't shit where you eat as they say. I would avoid any girls like this. removed the condom. wtf. I would assume she was inviting anal at that point.
Trust me, I learned my lesson. I am never doing that again.
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Nta, and not shaming you at all op—I was twenty once too—this go for everyone that needs to read it: when someone tells you they're 'toxic', believe it (and fucking run).
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NTA - if someone describes themself as toxic and then goes on to exhibit extremely toxic behaviour, save yourself the pain and get rid.
PS, removing a condom during sex without permission is a form of rape.
I was with you until the condom rape. It isn’t right, but rape? Seriously? How many years in jail for condom raping?
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The only line I’m confused about is “she didn’t text you for the entire day”
So she was taking a day… so?
Am I missing something there?
Other than that, taking off the condom without permission is not cool. But why didn’t you stop the interaction at that point? Did she have you tied down or restrained where you couldn’t stop her? What prevented you from stopping things?
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The only line I’m confused about is “she didn’t text you for the entire day”
So she was taking a day… so?
Am I missing something there?
Other than that, taking off the condom without permission is not cool. But why didn’t you stop the interaction at that point? Did she have you tied down or restrained where you couldn’t stop her? What prevented you from stopping things?
wrote last edited by [email protected]She didn't text me the entire day on the same day we were supposed to go on our date. I was also drunk when she took it off. Sorry for not clarifiying that.
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I was with you until the condom rape. It isn’t right, but rape? Seriously? How many years in jail for condom raping?
His conditions for sex required a condom. When she removed it, she lost consent.
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
