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This really freaked me out because on the first time we had sex, she took off my condom without permission and then said, when I didn’t want to go all the way, “You don’t trust me?”
Biggest red flag right there. If you say no and she pressures you, that's more or less sexual assault.
The rest of her behaviour does not sound remotely healthy. It sounds like she was playing your emotions for whatever reason; with the hang ups, not answering, deflecting everything, etc.
You dodged a bullet.
Given the horrific treatment it's more like the bullet grazed them. What a fucked up thing to experience.
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You were wrong for having a relationship with a coworker. Don't shit where you eat as they say. I would avoid any girls like this. removed the condom. wtf. I would assume she was inviting anal at that point.
Trust me, I learned my lesson. I am never doing that again.
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Nta, and not shaming you at all op—I was twenty once too—this go for everyone that needs to read it: when someone tells you they're 'toxic', believe it (and fucking run).
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NTA - if someone describes themself as toxic and then goes on to exhibit extremely toxic behaviour, save yourself the pain and get rid.
PS, removing a condom during sex without permission is a form of rape.
I was with you until the condom rape. It isn’t right, but rape? Seriously? How many years in jail for condom raping?
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The only line I’m confused about is “she didn’t text you for the entire day”
So she was taking a day… so?
Am I missing something there?
Other than that, taking off the condom without permission is not cool. But why didn’t you stop the interaction at that point? Did she have you tied down or restrained where you couldn’t stop her? What prevented you from stopping things?
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The only line I’m confused about is “she didn’t text you for the entire day”
So she was taking a day… so?
Am I missing something there?
Other than that, taking off the condom without permission is not cool. But why didn’t you stop the interaction at that point? Did she have you tied down or restrained where you couldn’t stop her? What prevented you from stopping things?
wrote last edited by [email protected]She didn't text me the entire day on the same day we were supposed to go on our date. I was also drunk when she took it off. Sorry for not clarifiying that.
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I was with you until the condom rape. It isn’t right, but rape? Seriously? How many years in jail for condom raping?
His conditions for sex required a condom. When she removed it, she lost consent.
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
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Yeah. I like the concept, but half of the ones I saw on Reddit were obviously bullshit written by teenagers who think that real life plays out like movies.
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Everyone sucks here.
she took off my condom without permission
Removing a condom without consent during sex is sexual assault. You're absolutely right to break off a relationship or go no-contact for this. In many jurisdictions, you could press criminal charges.
I even called an old coworker to ask if she had her citizenship because I was trying to avoid child support.
That's not OK even if you're very scared.
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She didn't text me the entire day on the same day we were supposed to go on our date. I was also drunk when she took it off. Sorry for not clarifiying that.
Thank you for the clarification.
I actually have no input on it. beyond the items I have already said because I haven’t dated since about 2005 or four.
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NTA it sounds like she has a very poor sense of humor and doesn't care who she hurts. Taking of a condom without your partner's consent is extremely f-ed up. It's a form of SA.
The only thing you did that rubs me the wrong way is asking about her citizenship as leverage. I understand you were acting out of fear due to a situation she created. Still though, it's pretty scary to be Latin right now and even more so if you're not a citizen. Still nta.
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NTA it sounds like she has a very poor sense of humor and doesn't care who she hurts. Taking of a condom without your partner's consent is extremely f-ed up. It's a form of SA.
The only thing you did that rubs me the wrong way is asking about her citizenship as leverage. I understand you were acting out of fear due to a situation she created. Still though, it's pretty scary to be Latin right now and even more so if you're not a citizen. Still nta.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Totally understand. I just felt like I couldn't trust her even if she said no or yes, and I don't believe she would've taken a pregancy test. She also kept holding me up on dates for about 4 weeks after what she said, then I told her I wanted to break up. She still was trying to get back with me but I was intentionally screwing things up to get her to leave. I was really scared of her after that moment, which is why I tried to seek external help from that coworker. My mind was looking for an escape at that time because I was thinking about suicide. It's a very terrible situation and I hope you can understand where I was at the time. (Still not okay, but I just couldn't handle the stress)
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His conditions for sex required a condom. When she removed it, she lost consent.
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
That's exactly what Julian Assange did, and half the internet defends the shit out of him.
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Totally understand. I just felt like I couldn't trust her even if she said no or yes, and I don't believe she would've taken a pregancy test. She also kept holding me up on dates for about 4 weeks after what she said, then I told her I wanted to break up. She still was trying to get back with me but I was intentionally screwing things up to get her to leave. I was really scared of her after that moment, which is why I tried to seek external help from that coworker. My mind was looking for an escape at that time because I was thinking about suicide. It's a very terrible situation and I hope you can understand where I was at the time. (Still not okay, but I just couldn't handle the stress)
Like I said, you are nta in the situation. She put you in a horrible, life threatening situation. You acted out of fear and you did no harm. I just think it's important to recognize the harm that could have been done. Consider it a lesson learned and an opportunity to move forward as a wiser, and perhaps stronger person. Sending you love.
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You both sound like complete assholes her behavior is completely inappropriate as is your "citizenship" nonsense to "avoid child support" is also completely toxic.
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She raped you and then joked about exploiting you and a child for money.
NTA
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That's not your gut telling you something is wrong. That is your reason, your logic telling you something is wrong, because something IS wrong.
Forcing unprotected sex on someone is rape. Putting it in context with the age gap, it's predatory as hell.
If this is real, you did the right thing. Learn from this experience.
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That's exactly what Julian Assange did, and half the internet defends the shit out of him.
Maybe? I don't know about that. Not sure how it's relevant here.
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She raped you and then joked about exploiting you and a child for money.
NTA
Please stop trivializing rape. This was not rape. Yeah, some type of sexual assault as she took the condom off without permission, but rape is a whole lot worse than what was described here.
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Please stop trivializing rape. This was not rape. Yeah, some type of sexual assault as she took the condom off without permission, but rape is a whole lot worse than what was described here.
There are various forms of sexual assault but they violated his consent and then continued to engage in a sexual activity. that's rape.
