What was a time when your joke landed with perfect comedic timing?
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
On a visit in the GDR when it still was real. Me being young and from the West, I tried to tell them a political joke about the GDR. Then they explained to me why the joke doesnt work, and their reality is even worse than my joke.
It was embarrassing, comical, political, all of it... Can't make up such a situation.
(I don't repeat it here, because hardly anybody could understand it anymore today)
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
An older co-worker was getting dentures, and had all his teeth pulled in preparation. For a week or two he had been on liquids only. We all sat down at the lunch room table to eat every day as a routine. Most of the company was family so they were all mostly related as brother, sister, etc. So said co-worker proudly exclaims that this will be his first time eating solid foods in weeks. It turned out to be two cans of vienna sausage. So about halfway through the meal he opens up the two cans, and then stares at them. Then he calls out to his brother sitting across the table and lifts the two cans up, and says "What do you make of this?" One can of vienna sausages was visibly lighter than the other can. I immediately interrupted with "That's an easy one." Pointing to one of the cans I continued with "That one is lips, and that one is assholes." We were all rolling on the floor laughing except for denture guy. He was so pissed off he just threw out the two cans and walked out. I have never had another moment like that where the joke just came to me in real time. It was a wonderful moment that I will cherish always.
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
My buddy had gotten some front row seats at a comedy club, and during his set, the comedian says "I just turned 50. Which is concerning because I had a midlife crisis at 25." There was very little reaction from the crowd. As the comic gathered himself to continue to the next bit, I said "OHHH, it's a MATH joke!"
He gave a little chuckle, smiled and said, "yeah, a math joke."
I gave myself a gold star for making the comedian laugh at his own show.
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
wrote last edited by [email protected]I was working at this small tech company in the mid 00's, and the office clown was lightly hazing the new guy by reading sexually explicit facts out loud:
Hey, did you know that the first DVDA was attempted in City Name, State on Month Day, Year!?Me, as Morbo the news monster from Futurama: There were no survivors...
Edit: It was the word "attempted" that did me in. If it had said "performed" or "achieved", my mind wouldn't have gone there
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
I have two. The first one I can’t even believe it happened because it feels like bad writing to contrive the perfect circumstances.
I was in a tiny local comedy thing and we did these Weekend Update-style reworkings of local news. Someone was working out a skit that involved a bear and asked if anybody had a bear suit they could borrow. Turns out, they were pretty sure someone else at the comedy theater, a guy named Juan, had one. Someone asked, “Would it fit me?”
I had to say it.
“Guys, Juan size fits all!”
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The other was waaaay back, watching The Matrix at the student center in college. It had been out for a while and everybody had already seen it, but getting to rewatch it for a couple bucks on a big screen was worth it even for a poor college student. It comes to the scene where Agent Smith has Morpheus chained up and is interrogating him, then he describes the way humans consume and spread and destroy everything around them. Smith says, “Do you know what else does that?”
I call out from the crowd…
I’m not the kind to talk in movies, but again, I had to say it.
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
I was with some friends, talking about TV shows. The guys were saying how good Chernobyl was, but women were saying it's too depressing, and they'd rather watch trash TV like Love Island. So to compromise I said they should make a series called Three Mile Love Island. That might be one of my best jokes ever
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
Many years ago I went to the movies to see a movie, I think it was Season of the witch (although I thought it was way before 2011). There's a scene where someone is trying to do an exorcism and the demon shouts with a very deep voice "SILENCE", and then there are a couple of seconds of silence in which I couldn't resist calling in the correct tone "I kill you".
For those too young or that have already forgotten about it look for Achmed the Dead Terrorist on YouTube.
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An older co-worker was getting dentures, and had all his teeth pulled in preparation. For a week or two he had been on liquids only. We all sat down at the lunch room table to eat every day as a routine. Most of the company was family so they were all mostly related as brother, sister, etc. So said co-worker proudly exclaims that this will be his first time eating solid foods in weeks. It turned out to be two cans of vienna sausage. So about halfway through the meal he opens up the two cans, and then stares at them. Then he calls out to his brother sitting across the table and lifts the two cans up, and says "What do you make of this?" One can of vienna sausages was visibly lighter than the other can. I immediately interrupted with "That's an easy one." Pointing to one of the cans I continued with "That one is lips, and that one is assholes." We were all rolling on the floor laughing except for denture guy. He was so pissed off he just threw out the two cans and walked out. I have never had another moment like that where the joke just came to me in real time. It was a wonderful moment that I will cherish always.
Could you explain this? I don't know if it's an translation error or local figure of speech where lips and assholes means something else than body parts, or if I need to know what a can of Vienna sausages is to get the joke.
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My buddy had gotten some front row seats at a comedy club, and during his set, the comedian says "I just turned 50. Which is concerning because I had a midlife crisis at 25." There was very little reaction from the crowd. As the comic gathered himself to continue to the next bit, I said "OHHH, it's a MATH joke!"
He gave a little chuckle, smiled and said, "yeah, a math joke."
I gave myself a gold star for making the comedian laugh at his own show.
I hope he incorporated that into his set to use if the joke doesn't get a reaction, stuff like that would definitely save a flat joke for me.
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I hope he incorporated that into his set to use if the joke doesn't get a reaction, stuff like that would definitely save a flat joke for me.
It was Brian Regan's older brother Dennis.
If anyone has seen him do that bit in the past 10 years or so, let us know if he worked it in!
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Could you explain this? I don't know if it's an translation error or local figure of speech where lips and assholes means something else than body parts, or if I need to know what a can of Vienna sausages is to get the joke.
It's an old saying that hot dogs are made from lips and assholes, meaning all the parts you don't want to eat.
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It's an old saying that hot dogs are made from lips and assholes, meaning all the parts you don't want to eat.
I see, thank you
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Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
Daaad, get off the interent.
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Feel free to share when you came in with a line or joke at just the right time - nothing beats a well timed moment!
Was playing slo-pitch (beer league rec baseball), pitching. The other team was short one player, so when the missing player came up to bat, there would be an automatic out.
It's bottom of the last inning and we're tied, two outs. Batter in the box and "automatic out" is on deck. My shortstop says: "if you walk this batter, they cannot win." I decline, and throw decent pitches - our thirdbaselady makes a perfect line drive catch to preserve the tie. Walking off the field, I say the the shortstop.
"I couldn't do it. If I walk the batter, then after the game when I go touch myself -- I wouldn't have enjoyed it." The bench dies laughing.
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I have two. The first one I can’t even believe it happened because it feels like bad writing to contrive the perfect circumstances.
I was in a tiny local comedy thing and we did these Weekend Update-style reworkings of local news. Someone was working out a skit that involved a bear and asked if anybody had a bear suit they could borrow. Turns out, they were pretty sure someone else at the comedy theater, a guy named Juan, had one. Someone asked, “Would it fit me?”
I had to say it.
“Guys, Juan size fits all!”
—-
The other was waaaay back, watching The Matrix at the student center in college. It had been out for a while and everybody had already seen it, but getting to rewatch it for a couple bucks on a big screen was worth it even for a poor college student. It comes to the scene where Agent Smith has Morpheus chained up and is interrogating him, then he describes the way humans consume and spread and destroy everything around them. Smith says, “Do you know what else does that?”
I call out from the crowd…
I’m not the kind to talk in movies, but again, I had to say it.
These are both brilliant. I applaud you!
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Many years ago I went to the movies to see a movie, I think it was Season of the witch (although I thought it was way before 2011). There's a scene where someone is trying to do an exorcism and the demon shouts with a very deep voice "SILENCE", and then there are a couple of seconds of silence in which I couldn't resist calling in the correct tone "I kill you".
For those too young or that have already forgotten about it look for Achmed the Dead Terrorist on YouTube.
I feel like racist puppet man may be better off forgotten, though.
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Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
Had this in my meme folder for a long time now.
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I was with some friends, talking about TV shows. The guys were saying how good Chernobyl was, but women were saying it's too depressing, and they'd rather watch trash TV like Love Island. So to compromise I said they should make a series called Three Mile Love Island. That might be one of my best jokes ever
I don't get it. Care to explain, please? Is three mile a reference to Chernobyl?
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Driving along the highway, step daughter and friend in the back seat. Friends dad in the passenger seat. Voice from the back says " look the geese are in a V". I ask " Does anyone know why one leg of the V is longer than the other?". No reply, I say " because there's more geese on that side". Dead silence until friends dad busts out laughing, we've been friends ever since.
I don't get it. Is this like an "obvious explanation" joke?
