What are signs that you may be more attractive than you think you are?
-
I never saw myself as ugly, but I always just assumed I was pretty average. It's not like people were tripping over themselves to spend time with me. I didn't have supermodel attraction powers or anything; the most attractive people in my school never gave me the time of day. Every person I've ever dated asked me out, but I just assumed that was normal for anyone who wasn't absolutely hideous.
(For the record, I tried to ask someone out once and it went so wrong, I never had the courage to ask anyone else out again, so the only time I dated anyone was when they approached me. Which happened quite a bit throughout my younger years.)
I've had friends talk about how jealous they are of certain features of mine (strong jaw, ability to grow a thick lumberjack beard, being taller than most of our friend group, etc.) but I was also jealous of certain features my friends shared, so I didn't ever feel physically superior to anyone. You want what you can't have, right?
But now I'm in my 40s, my hair is starting to thin, and thanks to a permanently busted leg and two bad knees, I can't exercise without pain and have gained probably 60+ pounds in recent years. All of a sudden, I've realized that people don't really notice me anymore. I don't draw much attention when I go out in public and people aren't as captivated by my conversation like they used to be.
My wife also used to love pointing out when strangers were staring at me in public. She used to brag that she'd snagged an attractive man and that other girls are just jealous. I used to think she was just trying to hype herself up, since she used to talk down about herself a lot, so I'd play along and praise her for being so lucky (and also let her know how lucky I was for getting to spend time with a woman like her). But it's been years now since she's pointed out anyone staring at me in public.
It's kind of dawning on me that I may have been pretty attractive as a young man. But like all things, beauty fades with age and I'm in an awkward phase where people aren't really paying much attention to me anymore. It's definitely hitting the ego, not only noticing the lack of attention, but realizing too late that I had that kind of attractive power in my youth. If I hadn't been crippled with introversion most of my youth, I probably could've been extremely popular.
I will point out, I shared a link to a blog of mine on Lemmy sometime earlier this year and I got a single comment, praising my attractive profile pic on my blog. Which is the first positive thing anyone's said about my appearance in years. That was a wonderful feeling, but also kind of hit hard, realizing that people don't really comment on my looks anymore.
That profile picture is maybe 5 years old now, and whereas I want to replace it with a more current one, I've been struggling to take one that doesn't make me feel old and ugly. So I'm going to keep using that older one until I feel like it no longer looks like me.
Appreciate the detailed response. Everyone will age, it’s kinda part of the being human thing.
The most important I take from your story… you have a loving wife. That counts for more than anything
-
People laugh at your jokes more than they should, or would for somebody else.
I’ve never really noticed that but, I will keep an eye on it in the future. Just because I’m curious about human nature.
-
I‘m fat but good looking. I used to be thin and good looking, before that I was fat and good looking (lockdown, food delivery and minimum order value made me fat again)
People are nicer to you when you’re good looking. When you’re fat, they see you as fat before they see you as a person.
Once they know you, they’re nice to you. But before that you’re just fat, no person.
I always dislike the term fat. I understand it but really dislike it.
Sadly I also understand your perspective. I’ve had challenges with weight before as well.
-
People smile at more attractive people more often.
Not just on beauty, attractive can mean relatable too.
Very similar to another comment, I’ll pay attention to that when I am people watching. Never really noticed but, I can see that.
-
If people are generally nice to you by default, and willing to break little rules for you, you are probably attractive. Attractive people are treated better on average, and strangers you interact with who have no obligations to you will have a positive bias towards you. They might let you into the shop to grab something real quick as they close, or a person on break might help you when they were off the clock, or invite you to take something normally reserved for a specific group you're not a part of. Those are perks and special treatment, and not the norm for people who are unattractive.
If you find yourself thinking "well people do that for me sometimes but it's just because I'm polite and friendly" or something, now you're getting it.
I would agree with this. I have not experienced this so now I know where I stand
Appreciate your detailed response.
-
When people don't generally initiate a conversation with you, it means you're either not very attractive or attractive enough for a lot of people to be intimidated
Interesting perspective. So it could still be a toss up on attractiveness. We shouldn’t assume sounds like the lesson here.
-
If you spend any amount of time engaging with "influencer" social media content, then you likely have a skewed perspective and damaged self image.
I’m not sure I follow this response. Would you be willing to expand on it?
What about engaging with influencers would dictate attractiveness or lack there of?
-
Interesting perspective. So it could still be a toss up on attractiveness. We shouldn’t assume sounds like the lesson here.
Ya kinda like how over and underwatering plants can share similar symptoms. If you ask a conventionally attractive person if they get asked out a lot, they will often say no because people expect them to either be in a relationship already or to be rejected.
what's important to remember at the end of the day is that you likely scratch the itch for some people out there. Some people are attracted to qualities that you may think are unattractive and a lot of the times being able to break the ice with someone puts you ahead of the vast majority of other people.
-
Does this happen to you? I would assume strangers walking up to you and just saying “you’re attractive” feels… odd.
Not saying doesn’t happen, but, maybe just surprised.
Yes, if I look attractive that day, people will say stuff like, "Wow you have such beautiful eyes/smile/teeth/skin." It usually isn't even about that specific body part, they are just trying to communicate they find me pretty in a polite way. I also get told I look like various celebrities that I definitely do not look like lol, my friends would keep a list of names of them because it was pretty random and it again is just someone trying to say I'm attractive. Eg Kristen Bell, Dianna Agron, Kirsten Dunst, Amy Adams - I do not look like these women lol
-
People will just tell you. It is that easy.
You get free merch. People insist on paying for your stuff or you cutting in line. Random compliments. Contagious smile. People imitating you. Being asked out.
I took off my glasses once and another guy saw me and said, "wow you're a really handsome guy." I kinda blushed a bit, and it kind of made my day.
-
Yes, if I look attractive that day, people will say stuff like, "Wow you have such beautiful eyes/smile/teeth/skin." It usually isn't even about that specific body part, they are just trying to communicate they find me pretty in a polite way. I also get told I look like various celebrities that I definitely do not look like lol, my friends would keep a list of names of them because it was pretty random and it again is just someone trying to say I'm attractive. Eg Kristen Bell, Dianna Agron, Kirsten Dunst, Amy Adams - I do not look like these women lol
Ahhh I see! I would just roll with it and try to enjoy the compliments
Also, the fact that people want to engage with you should be a good thing… yes/no?
-
Ya kinda like how over and underwatering plants can share similar symptoms. If you ask a conventionally attractive person if they get asked out a lot, they will often say no because people expect them to either be in a relationship already or to be rejected.
what's important to remember at the end of the day is that you likely scratch the itch for some people out there. Some people are attracted to qualities that you may think are unattractive and a lot of the times being able to break the ice with someone puts you ahead of the vast majority of other people.
All of this makes complete sense. I hope others find your words of wisdom and take them to heart!!
Thank you so much for contributing!!
-
All of this makes complete sense. I hope others find your words of wisdom and take them to heart!!
Thank you so much for contributing!!
Obligatory "I unno, don't quote me though"
-
Ahhh I see! I would just roll with it and try to enjoy the compliments
Also, the fact that people want to engage with you should be a good thing… yes/no?
I'm neutral to it. It's just something some people do.
-
I took off my glasses once and another guy saw me and said, "wow you're a really handsome guy." I kinda blushed a bit, and it kind of made my day.
Man wait until you hear about gay online dating
-
I'm neutral to it. It's just something some people do.
Got it, thank you so much for sharing!! I appreciate it!
-
I’m not sure I follow this response. Would you be willing to expand on it?
What about engaging with influencers would dictate attractiveness or lack there of?
wrote last edited by [email protected]The post is not asking about how attractive or not someone is. It is asking about indicators that one may be more attractive than they think. A common indicator is engagement with unhealthy social media.
-
Man wait until you hear about gay online dating
Ah I'm already married to a great guy ^^
-
I never saw myself as ugly, but I always just assumed I was pretty average. It's not like people were tripping over themselves to spend time with me. I didn't have supermodel attraction powers or anything; the most attractive people in my school never gave me the time of day. Every person I've ever dated asked me out, but I just assumed that was normal for anyone who wasn't absolutely hideous.
(For the record, I tried to ask someone out once and it went so wrong, I never had the courage to ask anyone else out again, so the only time I dated anyone was when they approached me. Which happened quite a bit throughout my younger years.)
I've had friends talk about how jealous they are of certain features of mine (strong jaw, ability to grow a thick lumberjack beard, being taller than most of our friend group, etc.) but I was also jealous of certain features my friends shared, so I didn't ever feel physically superior to anyone. You want what you can't have, right?
But now I'm in my 40s, my hair is starting to thin, and thanks to a permanently busted leg and two bad knees, I can't exercise without pain and have gained probably 60+ pounds in recent years. All of a sudden, I've realized that people don't really notice me anymore. I don't draw much attention when I go out in public and people aren't as captivated by my conversation like they used to be.
My wife also used to love pointing out when strangers were staring at me in public. She used to brag that she'd snagged an attractive man and that other girls are just jealous. I used to think she was just trying to hype herself up, since she used to talk down about herself a lot, so I'd play along and praise her for being so lucky (and also let her know how lucky I was for getting to spend time with a woman like her). But it's been years now since she's pointed out anyone staring at me in public.
It's kind of dawning on me that I may have been pretty attractive as a young man. But like all things, beauty fades with age and I'm in an awkward phase where people aren't really paying much attention to me anymore. It's definitely hitting the ego, not only noticing the lack of attention, but realizing too late that I had that kind of attractive power in my youth. If I hadn't been crippled with introversion most of my youth, I probably could've been extremely popular.
I will point out, I shared a link to a blog of mine on Lemmy sometime earlier this year and I got a single comment, praising my attractive profile pic on my blog. Which is the first positive thing anyone's said about my appearance in years. That was a wonderful feeling, but also kind of hit hard, realizing that people don't really comment on my looks anymore.
That profile picture is maybe 5 years old now, and whereas I want to replace it with a more current one, I've been struggling to take one that doesn't make me feel old and ugly. So I'm going to keep using that older one until I feel like it no longer looks like me.
Every person I’ve ever dated asked me out, but I just assumed that was normal for anyone who wasn’t absolutely hideous.
features of mine (strong jaw, ability to grow a thick lumberjack beard, being taller than most of our friend group, etc.)
Assuming you're a man, it is absolutely not normal to be asked out by women. It is starting to happen more and more, but living in berlin, being surrounded by very left wing people, I still only rarely hear about a woman initiating a romantic relationship.
-
Can you describe more specifically these differences in how you were treated?
Most people will assume you're lazy if you're fat
