Papa I'm scared
-
This post did not contain any content.
-
This post did not contain any content.wrote on last edited by [email protected]
Could've been one sentence.
'You are what you eat,' the Blue Fairy told Pinocchio, who turned his gaze on the elementary school.
Removed unnecessary adjectives, they distract from the punch imo
I believe it flows better this way, too. The reader goes directly from A to B to C with a brief stop at horror between B and C, right where you want it.
-
Could've been one sentence.
'You are what you eat,' the Blue Fairy told Pinocchio, who turned his gaze on the elementary school.
Removed unnecessary adjectives, they distract from the punch imo
I believe it flows better this way, too. The reader goes directly from A to B to C with a brief stop at horror between B and C, right where you want it.
Failed too efficient. Technically now a one sentence horror story. DQd until revised.
-
This post did not contain any content.
Why does Pinocchio want to turn into a school?
-
Why does Pinocchio want to turn into a school?
He wants to be filled with kids.
-
Failed too efficient. Technically now a one sentence horror story. DQd until revised.
"and then a ghost popped out!!!!"
-
He wants to be filled with kids.
Oh, carry o... wait a minute
-
Could've been one sentence.
'You are what you eat,' the Blue Fairy told Pinocchio, who turned his gaze on the elementary school.
Removed unnecessary adjectives, they distract from the punch imo
I believe it flows better this way, too. The reader goes directly from A to B to C with a brief stop at horror between B and C, right where you want it.
Vonnegut is my favorite, the one I model my own writing style after. Galopagos is my jam.
-
This post did not contain any content.
Technically he wants to be a real boy? Doesn't seem as horror as I first thought.
