Does divorce in middle age make sense?
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
There is no age at which it's ok to stay in a relationship that makes you miserable. One can fix it or leave it. By the sounds of it, you seem to believe yours is beyond repair. And there is also no age that is too old to experience new love again.
A good friend of mine, about your age, was in a somewhat similar situation minus the religious element. He held as long as possible, until their children were out of the house, at which point there was no glue between them anymore and he filed for divorce. That was a year ago. This summer I met his new partner, and he's the happiest I have seen him in a while.
That being said, I also have examples of divorced men who aren't as lucky relationship-wise. Some of them are ok with it, others not so much. I am not saying this to agree with your family, I just don't want to give the impression I am looking at this with rose tinted glasses. It's always easy for strangers to give advice, but when actually faced with the situation, it's another dilemma entirely.
Ultimately, whether it's leaving or staying, you do whatever is best for you. I sincerely hope you can figure it out for yourself, with honesty, and without external pressures.
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Yeah, like if their entire worldview changed to something I’m not compatible with, that’s not the person I married and I would have to split. People change, and it can certainly be embraced most of the time. Some things (like extreme religious devotion) would be a bridge too far. That’s a personal decision though.
Yeah like it would be an amicable split on my part but it would be a split.
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I think you know your answer. You are single already. Just not for the government. Do your life.. you only have one.
Yea if he's allowed other women on the side, he could have his cake and eat it.
Go out and date other people and try it out, see if that's what you're looking for, you don't have to jump into a divorce if it's not stopping you from going out and doing what you want.
If you don't want to live together anymore etc. then yea get a divorce
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
My partner and I got together in April of last year. I was 57 and he was 58. He is the love of my life. That person can come into your life at any time, don’t close the door on that opportunity for love. You ARE still young and have tons of life and love to share. It’s amazing the depth of emotion and connection you can share with the right person, I had no idea that older people had so much going on in their relationships.
People change, and when they change to the point that they are no longer the person you married, and you can’t work out how to stay that makes you both happy, it’s time to move on. No matter the age. There is no age limit on happiness and you only get this one life to experience it. I wish you the best.
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There's no such thing as "too old for divorce".
For sure. My father-in-law just went through one. He's 79.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
One of the bigger lies we tell each other is that "people never change". Not true at all, we change constantly, one universal constant is change. I wouldn't spend my remaining years tied to someone I wasn't interested in.
I'm 60, and I've been divorced for 15 years, the same amount of time I was married. In the past 15 years, I had a girlfriend for a few years, and that was fine. But, really, I'm much happier without anyone in my life, that's what works best for me, now. It's just too much effort and compromise for the benefits.
Also, this may be hard to hear, but 56 is not "middle age", you should use that fact as motivation. Keep exercising, and eating right. Take the prescriptions and supplements you need to take, don't stubbornly deny that your body is aging, and accept you need to change your habits to keep up with it.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
he has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.”
My man she already divorced you... She just wants you to pull the trigger so she can smear you for it and come of it as good "Christian" and half the assets.
I am generally anti divorce but this one is on her purely based on what you said. It takes two people to make a marriage.
She prolly fucking some clown at that pedo center err "church" but it does no really matter anyway.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
If the feeling is mutual, I think there is no point in staying married. Maybe you can keep in touch, if you want to. Distance can sometimes change a relationship for the better. No need to cut her out of your life completely if you don't want to
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Just divorce and move on. There’s no point in your marriage any longer. You have already divorced in a way that isn’t legally recognized.
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Yea if he's allowed other women on the side, he could have his cake and eat it.
Go out and date other people and try it out, see if that's what you're looking for, you don't have to jump into a divorce if it's not stopping you from going out and doing what you want.
If you don't want to live together anymore etc. then yea get a divorce
he could have his cake and eat it.
That's not how marriage works. She baiting him... and she will use it to smear him.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Get out!
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Yeah divorce first then date others or expect to get destroyed in court
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
In my view, the choice is about whether you are better off with her or alone, including the financial implications of divorce.
While there may be "other fish in the sea", that is a poor basis for deciding whether a marriage is worth saving, and it will likely bite you in the divorce if it comes up.
Keep in mind that you will have to reconstruct your relationships with your family and friends along the way... which will likely be easier if at first you don't have a new partner.
Good luck!
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
The argument that you shouldn't get divorced as after a certain age is as absurd as the argument that an acrimonious couple should stay together "for the children" (when too often staying together just causes more trauma to the children).
There's no wrong age to divorce, because couples can drift apart at any time. And in fact, when they retire and end up spending more time together is often a point when the chances of divorce increase a lot.
The only caution I'll say is about finances. Make sure getting a divorce doesn't catastrophically screw up your finances. But if you can split from your wife and be able to live comfortably then it sounds like divorce is a good option for you.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
wrote last edited by [email protected]My friend, do what makes you happy -- especially so when not at the expense of someone else. Your family's input is somewhat irrelevant in this case. It only matters whether you think you'll feel more free thereafter.
Divorce is perfectly fine no matter what age you are. Rid yourself of these archaic religious tropes and you'll feel so liberated.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
I'd get a divorce.
It is natural that people change in their lives and it sounds like you two changed into very different people.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Meaning no offense to any of the posters here, but these mostly feel like classic Ask Metafilter DTMF replies.
I hope OP finds a solution, but we are just internet people making guesses about a big life decision without enough context.
