FEMA to Deploy Over 600,000 Prayers to Texas
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(Cut and Shoot, Texas) As locals grieve and rescuers continue to recovery bodies, FEMA acting Director David Richardson told reporters this morning that he is deploying 600,000 prayers to the region, some sourced directly from local communities around the flood.
“We grieve with the residents of Texas, as the nation grieves. These prayers are a sign of our commitment, to letting the region recover on their own strength, without the meddlesome interference of the federal government.”
Richardson displayed a table of special votive candles created specifically for the event, depicting hundreds of crosses along a swollen river. “Those aren’t free,” he admonished a bystander who examined one. “These candles are a part of the recovery effort, and the president’s office assures me these are “the best candles, the very best,” and that a portion of the proceeds from each candle will go to reliefs efforts. They also clip onto a body bag, which is helpful given the tragedy we experienced this week.”
When asked when a permanent Director would be appointed to FEMA, given that we are one month into hurricane season, Richardson was optimistic. “Yesterday, the president tweeted my first name and said I was amazing, so I feel confident I will be confirmed before hurricane season ends.” He showed reporters the tweet, noting, “see that’s my name, and he mentions Texas. Anyway, who wants a candle?”
Ted Cruz could not be reached in Greece for comment.
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(Cut and Shoot, Texas) As locals grieve and rescuers continue to recovery bodies, FEMA acting Director David Richardson told reporters this morning that he is deploying 600,000 prayers to the region, some sourced directly from local communities around the flood.
“We grieve with the residents of Texas, as the nation grieves. These prayers are a sign of our commitment, to letting the region recover on their own strength, without the meddlesome interference of the federal government.”
Richardson displayed a table of special votive candles created specifically for the event, depicting hundreds of crosses along a swollen river. “Those aren’t free,” he admonished a bystander who examined one. “These candles are a part of the recovery effort, and the president’s office assures me these are “the best candles, the very best,” and that a portion of the proceeds from each candle will go to reliefs efforts. They also clip onto a body bag, which is helpful given the tragedy we experienced this week.”
When asked when a permanent Director would be appointed to FEMA, given that we are one month into hurricane season, Richardson was optimistic. “Yesterday, the president tweeted my first name and said I was amazing, so I feel confident I will be confirmed before hurricane season ends.” He showed reporters the tweet, noting, “see that’s my name, and he mentions Texas. Anyway, who wants a candle?”
Ted Cruz could not be reached in Greece for comment.
Everyone knows that prayers alone are useless.
One thought must be sent with every prayer to meet the "Thoughts and Prayers" quota....
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Everyone knows that prayers alone are useless.
One thought must be sent with every prayer to meet the "Thoughts and Prayers" quota....
The thoughts were declared illegal and deported by ICE.
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The thoughts were declared illegal and deported by ICE.
Only those foreign thoughts, like health care for everyone
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The thoughts were declared illegal and deported by ICE.
Oh you will love my follow up article.
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(Cut and Shoot, Texas) As locals grieve and rescuers continue to recovery bodies, FEMA acting Director David Richardson told reporters this morning that he is deploying 600,000 prayers to the region, some sourced directly from local communities around the flood.
“We grieve with the residents of Texas, as the nation grieves. These prayers are a sign of our commitment, to letting the region recover on their own strength, without the meddlesome interference of the federal government.”
Richardson displayed a table of special votive candles created specifically for the event, depicting hundreds of crosses along a swollen river. “Those aren’t free,” he admonished a bystander who examined one. “These candles are a part of the recovery effort, and the president’s office assures me these are “the best candles, the very best,” and that a portion of the proceeds from each candle will go to reliefs efforts. They also clip onto a body bag, which is helpful given the tragedy we experienced this week.”
When asked when a permanent Director would be appointed to FEMA, given that we are one month into hurricane season, Richardson was optimistic. “Yesterday, the president tweeted my first name and said I was amazing, so I feel confident I will be confirmed before hurricane season ends.” He showed reporters the tweet, noting, “see that’s my name, and he mentions Texas. Anyway, who wants a candle?”
Ted Cruz could not be reached in Greece for comment.
STOP MAKING THIS TRAGEDY POLITICAL!!!
You might convince people to hold politicians accountable for their political decisions.
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STOP MAKING THIS TRAGEDY POLITICAL!!!
You might convince people to hold politicians accountable for their political decisions.
LoL no. They'll just lash out 'how dare you make use of these deaths to point out they're completely our fault and no one is to blame but ourselves, you monster!' and then destroy more lives other than their own.
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Only those foreign thoughts, like health care for everyone
Oh, I thought it were the thoughts that were foreign to them.