Anyone else?
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I 100% understand your wife. I'm not that bad, but it's a consequence of being told you have to be perfect or you failed growing up, at least for me. If something doesn't go right the first time I still get that mini freeze "error encountered on line 1 please reboot" that my parents unintentionally instilled in me.
Abaolutely, it's obvious where it came from.
I have my own, different issues especially socially. It's bad enough she has to deal with that, sometimes i wish it wasn't an issue because she has so much potential past that unlike myself...so i hate watching it be like this.
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In my early school years, we only had round tipped plastic safety scissors that could barely cut tissue paper. As a kid, I was terrified at the degree of responsibility and potential to take another kid's life those scissors represented.
The adults in charge when I was a kid had us convinced that if we ran with scissors in our hands we were going to kill the other children in the vicinity by accident in the most horrifically bloody and violent manner. They even showed us video re-enactments of children getting stabbed in the heart, neck, and eye complete with fake blood gushing out and Bugs Bunny worthy death performances.
A lot of us thought this was some super common way that kids were dying by the millions all across the world.
Growing up is realising that sometimes a blunt knife can do more damage than a sharp one.
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As a kid, I always assumed if someone fell down the stairs--they died. It just appeared that way often enough in tv and movies.
If you faint, you can hurt yourself pretty badly by just falling to the ground; now imagine the same thing with stairs.
Even if awake, falling down the stairs has the risk of you hitting your head/neck/back, so it might be exaggerated somehow in movies, but still potentially bad.
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I 100% understand your wife. I'm not that bad, but it's a consequence of being told you have to be perfect or you failed growing up, at least for me. If something doesn't go right the first time I still get that mini freeze "error encountered on line 1 please reboot" that my parents unintentionally instilled in me.
it’s a consequence of being told you have to be perfect or you failed growing up
This would explain so much of the political in-fighting we see here, where "the perfect" becomes the enemy of "the good."
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The most famous feral child case in history is a girl named Genie, who was abused because her single father had autism and noise sensitivity. He couldn't stand the sound of crying, so he locked her in a room and beat her if she cried. She learned that making noise was bad, and never learned to talk. When she was rescued, she learned a few words, but never how to use them properly.
And you want me to believe that's not as bad as narcissism. You want to minimise Genie's abuse and my abuse, because our parents didn't have the "right" disorder to call out. You're a disgusting abuse enabler.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I guess I am the abuse enabler for trying to put the blame on the abuser instead of an arbitrarily chosen mental disorder.
Did they conduct a full psychiatric evaluation on the father? Did they conclude that he only had autism? Any anger disorders that may have caused him to lash out more with more severity? Any personality disorders that caused a lack of empathy and an interest only in the self? Any intellectual disabilities that inhibited him from seeking better solutions (like wearing noise isolation muffs)? No? Because the father shot himself after being charged with child abuse? Because the case study was done on the child, after the fact, to study the effects of what was done to her, and not why those things were done?
You can conclude from the study that abuse is bad. With regard to the father, the effects of autism on abusive behavior is inconclusive at best. Yeah, it sucks that that happened to her. No one is saying “aw shucks, looks like the father didn’t have a definitive NPD diagnosis, I guess it wasn’t abuse then” because fucking obviously it was abuse and fucking obviously abuse is bad, you just don’t need a mental disorder to pin it on. There are other ways to become an abuser: generational trauma, neglect, and yes NPD.
On an entirely unrelated note, I caught my girlfriend cheating the other day, but I could not for the life of me figure out why, so I could only conclude that I was wrong and she never actually cheated on me in the first place
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Well, no. I realized those things were silly. My mom told me and my sister we'd get skin cancer if we pinched each other. She just wanted us to shut the fuck up and so we did. You later learn these things aren't real and that's the end of it?
I wish critical thinking were taught and encouraged, but even my school teachers told blatant lies and sent me to the principal for pointing them out. There's a systemic issue interfering with people's abilities to question what they're told (at least, here in the U.S.), and the addition of anxiety makes cracking that egg an even bigger challenge. I learned long ago not to assume that everyone else thinks about things the way I do, and unfortunately almost everyone holds some kind of belief that they've never critically examined.
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“On February 15, 1909, Millet’s 15th birthday, these “girl stenographers” promised that when the workday ended, they would kiss him once for every year of his age. At 4:30pm, they made good on their vow and descended on Millet to deliver the expected smooches. Millet tried to wriggle away, and in the ensuing rumpus was heard to exclaim, “I’m stabbed!”
According to the Times, 23-year-old Gertrude Robbins, one of the kiss-happy stenographers, rushed to his aid, but fainted at the sight of blood streaming from a wound in his chest. An ambulance was summoned and Millet transported to New York Hospital, but he died from his injuries on the way there.
Arrested on the charge of homicide, Robbins told police what had happened. Right before the office kissfest, Millet had been holding an ink eraser—not a rubber blob, but a six-inch-long metal tool that resembled a knife. When the stenographers surrounded him, Millet’s eraser was in his pocket. During the fracas, he fell forward, and the sharp point of the eraser drove into his heart.”
https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/10/george-spencer-millet-kissed-to-death-in-1909.html
Someone lands on the bad roulette number once in a while.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Goddamn, that's a "monkey paw wish" if I've ever heard one.
(Creepy that the kid was 15 and the women were adults, but that's a different issue.)
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“On February 15, 1909, Millet’s 15th birthday, these “girl stenographers” promised that when the workday ended, they would kiss him once for every year of his age. At 4:30pm, they made good on their vow and descended on Millet to deliver the expected smooches. Millet tried to wriggle away, and in the ensuing rumpus was heard to exclaim, “I’m stabbed!”
According to the Times, 23-year-old Gertrude Robbins, one of the kiss-happy stenographers, rushed to his aid, but fainted at the sight of blood streaming from a wound in his chest. An ambulance was summoned and Millet transported to New York Hospital, but he died from his injuries on the way there.
Arrested on the charge of homicide, Robbins told police what had happened. Right before the office kissfest, Millet had been holding an ink eraser—not a rubber blob, but a six-inch-long metal tool that resembled a knife. When the stenographers surrounded him, Millet’s eraser was in his pocket. During the fracas, he fell forward, and the sharp point of the eraser drove into his heart.”
https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/10/george-spencer-millet-kissed-to-death-in-1909.html
Someone lands on the bad roulette number once in a while.
Damn, that poor boy. To go from being kissed by a pack of young women to stabbed in the heart.
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My wife has this, she's incapable of breaking rules.
Let's say her employer to do things a and then b, but then a coworker tells her it's better (in practice) to do it the other way around...she'll get an error and stop functioning at all.
I was told all these scary things about life and always had this: "i'll see it when i get there" attitude. So now i have to spend half my energy dragging my wife along otherwise she'll forget to live life.
Sounds like generalized anxiety disorder
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No, it's rubbish. They tell you that because if you're a kid and you eat and then go do some vigorous exercise you're likely to be sick which means everyone has to get out of the pool and a lowly employee has to clean it up.
Fair enough, I learned that as a kid. I do remember reading some recommendation to not do it from the german national lifeguard association as well though.
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I guess I am the abuse enabler for trying to put the blame on the abuser instead of an arbitrarily chosen mental disorder.
Did they conduct a full psychiatric evaluation on the father? Did they conclude that he only had autism? Any anger disorders that may have caused him to lash out more with more severity? Any personality disorders that caused a lack of empathy and an interest only in the self? Any intellectual disabilities that inhibited him from seeking better solutions (like wearing noise isolation muffs)? No? Because the father shot himself after being charged with child abuse? Because the case study was done on the child, after the fact, to study the effects of what was done to her, and not why those things were done?
You can conclude from the study that abuse is bad. With regard to the father, the effects of autism on abusive behavior is inconclusive at best. Yeah, it sucks that that happened to her. No one is saying “aw shucks, looks like the father didn’t have a definitive NPD diagnosis, I guess it wasn’t abuse then” because fucking obviously it was abuse and fucking obviously abuse is bad, you just don’t need a mental disorder to pin it on. There are other ways to become an abuser: generational trauma, neglect, and yes NPD.
On an entirely unrelated note, I caught my girlfriend cheating the other day, but I could not for the life of me figure out why, so I could only conclude that I was wrong and she never actually cheated on me in the first place
️I'm sorry but you're never going to convince me that some mental disorders make people abusive and some magically don't. The reason you think autism is a magical exception among all those other examples you gave is just politics. You don't really believe your own rhetoric.
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remember the early 90s and how like everything causes cancer? I remember even reading burnt toast causes cancer. Everything was cancer in those days
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This post did not contain any content.wrote on last edited by [email protected]
I was told that I would be able to swim to completion and experience the resulting sense of pride and accomplishment if I waited precisely 1 hour after consuming sustenance
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I'm sorry but you're never going to convince me that some mental disorders make people abusive and some magically don't. The reason you think autism is a magical exception among all those other examples you gave is just politics. You don't really believe your own rhetoric.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Holy shit man, it’s not that hard. You don’t need a mental disorder to be classified as an abuser. I said in my last comment that there are other ways to become an abuser, many of which are sociopolitical. You can have no mental disorders and grow up abused, and you are much more likely to continue the cycle than those who were not. You can be an alcoholic with routinely impaired judgement and become an abuser. You can simply be an asshole. There are any number of ways to be/become one without fitting the criteria of a mental disorder. The fact that some of the abusers you know happen to have autism is coincidental at best.
Also, I’m not sure what “politics” you’re talking about (I jest, I know exactly the “politics” you mean) when I literally cited the DSM-5 to you. Not that it’s relevant when half my point was that mental disorders and abusive tendencies are neither mutually inclusive nor exclusive; but you keep insisting that a mental disorder must be the cause, so I did it anyway. If it has to be relevant, it would only be with regard to the specific way the abuse manifests, not whether it manifests in the first place.
It’s not magic, and it’s not rhetoric, it’s just science. If you’re convinced that I won’t convince you - fine, I’ll stop trying. Just know that I’m not trying to convince you of what you think I’m trying to convince you of. If you were confused by that, reread this comment.
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Holy shit man, it’s not that hard. You don’t need a mental disorder to be classified as an abuser. I said in my last comment that there are other ways to become an abuser, many of which are sociopolitical. You can have no mental disorders and grow up abused, and you are much more likely to continue the cycle than those who were not. You can be an alcoholic with routinely impaired judgement and become an abuser. You can simply be an asshole. There are any number of ways to be/become one without fitting the criteria of a mental disorder. The fact that some of the abusers you know happen to have autism is coincidental at best.
Also, I’m not sure what “politics” you’re talking about (I jest, I know exactly the “politics” you mean) when I literally cited the DSM-5 to you. Not that it’s relevant when half my point was that mental disorders and abusive tendencies are neither mutually inclusive nor exclusive; but you keep insisting that a mental disorder must be the cause, so I did it anyway. If it has to be relevant, it would only be with regard to the specific way the abuse manifests, not whether it manifests in the first place.
It’s not magic, and it’s not rhetoric, it’s just science. If you’re convinced that I won’t convince you - fine, I’ll stop trying. Just know that I’m not trying to convince you of what you think I’m trying to convince you of. If you were confused by that, reread this comment.
The fact that you're willing to argue that mental disorders can cause abusive behaviour at all tells me you're not coming from a place of intellectual honesty.
There are two legitimate sides to this argument: they do, and they don't. You're part of the manufactured hypocritical third side, which argues some do and some don't, and the difference is how many people with the disorder you've heard a sob story from.
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The fact that you're willing to argue that mental disorders can cause abusive behaviour at all tells me you're not coming from a place of intellectual honesty.
There are two legitimate sides to this argument: they do, and they don't. You're part of the manufactured hypocritical third side, which argues some do and some don't, and the difference is how many people with the disorder you've heard a sob story from.
Exactly what did I say to give you the impression that any disorder caused abusive behavior?
I said they are neither mutually inclusive nor exclusive - in other words, no direct causal relationship. Ever heard the phrase “correlation is not causation”? It just so happens that NPD correlates with abusive behavior much more than ASD does, and that isn’t according to any “sob stories” I heard - it’s from the DSM-5 which I linked to and which I’m now guessing you probably didn’t read.
Anyway, I’m done with this. Have fun with your black-and-white life.
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Fair enough, I learned that as a kid. I do remember reading some recommendation to not do it from the german national lifeguard association as well though.
Lifeguards really don't want to be skimming your puke out of the pool
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Exactly what did I say to give you the impression that any disorder caused abusive behavior?
I said they are neither mutually inclusive nor exclusive - in other words, no direct causal relationship. Ever heard the phrase “correlation is not causation”? It just so happens that NPD correlates with abusive behavior much more than ASD does, and that isn’t according to any “sob stories” I heard - it’s from the DSM-5 which I linked to and which I’m now guessing you probably didn’t read.
Anyway, I’m done with this. Have fun with your black-and-white life.
The DSM isn't for correlations, it's for causation
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The fact that you're willing to argue that mental disorders can cause abusive behaviour at all tells me you're not coming from a place of intellectual honesty.
There are two legitimate sides to this argument: they do, and they don't. You're part of the manufactured hypocritical third side, which argues some do and some don't, and the difference is how many people with the disorder you've heard a sob story from.
So you are just going to state your false dichotomy fallacy outright? Yes different disorders have different symptoms and not all have the same effect on social functions. Just as I wouldn’t expect an amputated leg and a toothache to be the same in regards to their effect on running speed. Not all physical illnesses “either do or don’t make it more difficult to run” so why would all mental conditions “either make or not make one abusive”?
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So you are just going to state your false dichotomy fallacy outright? Yes different disorders have different symptoms and not all have the same effect on social functions. Just as I wouldn’t expect an amputated leg and a toothache to be the same in regards to their effect on running speed. Not all physical illnesses “either do or don’t make it more difficult to run” so why would all mental conditions “either make or not make one abusive”?
Fuck you, narcissists are abusers and they deserve to be put to death
