We really don't want to talk about our problems
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To be fair it's also men doing this to other men mostly. Women participate in toxic masculinity too, but really, men give each other a lot of shit with very little support.
anecdotally, as a guy in my thirties, even my acquaintances (wouldn't actually consider them friends tbh, since we only hang out at rec game times) are quite supportive. sure there's the surface level of shit talk, but if you start to get serious, they do too. a few of them surprised me with this.
in my experience nowadays, it's equally just shitty people of any gender that say suck it up, no real bias one way or another
but that's of course just my own circles. I tend to just drop out of (or not join in the first place) any circle that has shitty people
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Therapy has become the new buzzword to prescribe to any individualistic issue because most people don't know what it is or who its for, they just think it's a silver bullet solution to everything because everybody else says so... but it's not.
Therapy is great for specific people with specific disorders, it's there to help provide these people with solutions and treatments to improve their conditions. It's not meant to be a replacement for a social circle or to fix the problems in your life.
Not to mention that therapy is either expensive or hard to access or the therapist you do get to see are usually not that great. It is very hard and very rare to find a good therapist that's affordable and nearby. Even then, a therapist can only do so much. They're trained to work through common disorders using several established methods, but not much beyond that. Therapists can help you overcome your anxiety, but they can't help you find meaningful relationships.
This is doubly true for men, because a lot of men are facing issues related to finding purpose and meaning in life, and that's something that's beyond the scope of therapy. Maybe these issues could be resolved as a result of treating a disorder, but that's not always the case. The point is that therapy is not a magical solution, and it's not going to solve huge societal problems like men turning their backs on society.
You say men are turning their backs on society. I would argue it's the other way round. Modern society has lots of problems unfortunately, and can be quite hostile especially to men.
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The environment we created for ourselves takes advantage of our evolution and uses our biology against us.
Food is drowned in sugar to get us addicted.
Social media is designed to keep us angry and upset.
Entertainment is a recycled polished turd, designed to take no risks and challenge nothing and leave us only with shallow amusement.We are losing our respect for the profound, our empathy for the other, and our curiosity for the unknown.
We have made a world of numbing poison for ourselves. A 29 day separation sounds like the most powerful “therapy” we could have tbh.
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29 days without having to work all day long, deal with chores and family and whatever. And then sleep a couple of hours to do it again. This has nothing to deal with this person going to therapy.
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The environment we created for ourselves takes advantage of our evolution and uses our biology against us.
Food is drowned in sugar to get us addicted.
Social media is designed to keep us angry and upset.
Entertainment is a recycled polished turd, designed to take no risks and challenge nothing and leave us only with shallow amusement.We are losing our respect for the profound, our empathy for the other, and our curiosity for the unknown.
We have made a world of numbing poison for ourselves. A 29 day separation sounds like the most powerful “therapy” we could have tbh.
i was a camp host for a summer and it was possibly the best summer of my life. no power, no water, no internet, minimal contact with people, cleaning toilets, and spending half of my day in a kayak.
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Therapy has become the new buzzword to prescribe to any individualistic issue because most people don't know what it is or who its for, they just think it's a silver bullet solution to everything because everybody else says so... but it's not.
Therapy is great for specific people with specific disorders, it's there to help provide these people with solutions and treatments to improve their conditions. It's not meant to be a replacement for a social circle or to fix the problems in your life.
Not to mention that therapy is either expensive or hard to access or the therapist you do get to see are usually not that great. It is very hard and very rare to find a good therapist that's affordable and nearby. Even then, a therapist can only do so much. They're trained to work through common disorders using several established methods, but not much beyond that. Therapists can help you overcome your anxiety, but they can't help you find meaningful relationships.
This is doubly true for men, because a lot of men are facing issues related to finding purpose and meaning in life, and that's something that's beyond the scope of therapy. Maybe these issues could be resolved as a result of treating a disorder, but that's not always the case. The point is that therapy is not a magical solution, and it's not going to solve huge societal problems like men turning their backs on society.
therapy also teaches a lot of sociopathic traits.
my SIL went through therapy recently (after getting into a weird polygamous relationship which allowed her the $$ to do so). she and my wife had lived through a pretty traumatic upbringing after their wonderful father died and left them to deal with a BPD mother who blew through the family money and left them to practically fend for themselves while being batshit crazy.
all the therapist taught her was to be selfish. she practically cut off contact with both her sister and mother and just got really good at doing what was best for herself and herself only. since then, her mother has become disabled and now my wife is having to deal with it all alone while the sister lives a very lavish life on a farm.
fuck therapy and fuck modern life in general. no wonder we're all becoming assholes.
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Solitude? Damn, are your hospitals made out of gold as well?
If you're unlucky over here you get up to 7 other patiens in the same, unventilated room. Including patients who have air-transmittable infections because why not?
Air conditioning doesn't exist in hospitals either by the way. That's a luxury hospitals aren't obligated to (and as such never) provide. Enjoy dehydrating in 30°C+ rooms.
I'd much rather just stay in solitude in my home for a week.
over here you get up to 7 other patiens in the same, unventilated room. Including patients who have air-transmittable infections
That's a surprisingly apt description of Hell, at least for me.
My friend was at a much nicer hospital, albeit they didn't see anything made of gold. They had their own room. It certainly wasn't paradise; I think the recovery from sepsis gave them a clarity of mind and purpose that transcended the casual discomforts. Plus they were medevac'd 400km from their home, so they were more socially isolated than normal. Sort of like a monastic experience? Thankfully they have excellent insurance, so the medical costs weren't a giant concern like they would be for most people in the US, which probably would have been mentally debilitating otherwise.
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You say men are turning their backs on society. I would argue it's the other way round. Modern society has lots of problems unfortunately, and can be quite hostile especially to men.
men built society. whatever problems are inherent in it were practically designed by men. as a matter of fact, the further we go, the more we slip away from the feminine qualities of our humanity (our more egalitarian hunter-gatherer roots). and as it begins to collapse around us, you incels are gonna cry about how it's unfair? fuck you. put your big boy pants on and deal with it. or better yet, retreat completely from it and let the people with honest consciences rebuild it.
god, i fucking hate incels.
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To be fair it's also men doing this to other men mostly. Women participate in toxic masculinity too, but really, men give each other a lot of shit with very little support.
For sure, women usually say they want a man who can show his feelings. It's just that the second he does cry about anything other than a dead child, she gets the ick and loses all respect for him, in my personal experience. I think they talk a big game but when the chips are down they find out they're not actually as into it as they thought.
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i was a camp host for a summer and it was possibly the best summer of my life. no power, no water, no internet, minimal contact with people, cleaning toilets, and spending half of my day in a kayak.
That sounds like a great way to spend a summer. I wouldn't mind running water but I'd probably learn to appreciate it after not having it for a few months.
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To be fair it's also men doing this to other men mostly. Women participate in toxic masculinity too, but really, men give each other a lot of shit with very little support.
Without giving away my age (But I do predates smart phones and home internet use), I've found men are perfectly fine with venting assuming the setting is right. Small group? Beer? Sure. Something embarrassing happens in the moment? Not so much.
Its everyone but your male friends who will give you shit for showing any emotion but anger.
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The environment we created for ourselves takes advantage of our evolution and uses our biology against us.
Food is drowned in sugar to get us addicted.
Social media is designed to keep us angry and upset.
Entertainment is a recycled polished turd, designed to take no risks and challenge nothing and leave us only with shallow amusement.We are losing our respect for the profound, our empathy for the other, and our curiosity for the unknown.
We have made a world of numbing poison for ourselves. A 29 day separation sounds like the most powerful “therapy” we could have tbh.
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Without giving away my age (But I do predates smart phones and home internet use), I've found men are perfectly fine with venting assuming the setting is right. Small group? Beer? Sure. Something embarrassing happens in the moment? Not so much.
Its everyone but your male friends who will give you shit for showing any emotion but anger.
You say "everyone" but it's still just other men.
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Without giving away my age (But I do predates smart phones and home internet use), I've found men are perfectly fine with venting assuming the setting is right. Small group? Beer? Sure. Something embarrassing happens in the moment? Not so much.
Its everyone but your male friends who will give you shit for showing any emotion but anger.
I can confirm this despite likely being younger. Small group and sufficient alcohol helps.
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If I had everything to survive, a way to go back and couple of books - sign me up.
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Weak men can't admit to their faults nor face their shortcomings, lackings and fears. Entire sections of the internet have been devoted to allowing men to avoid reality and remain immature...
I hate this 'weak men' bullshit, sure some fit the popular definition, but do you know their pasts? Their trauma? The reason they fit such a description? I'd say it's pretty damn difficult to know these about anyone you never actually talk to.
Also, sometimes escapism works in favour of people and gets them to put their lives back together, although it can also cause negative changes as well, although it's not guaranteed. It's not a maturity or immaturity thing, it's just an act.
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You say "everyone" but it's still just other men.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Nope, I meant everyone.
Edit: Although I guess a more accurate term would be, "Every demographic" since not everyone of any demographic will be that way.
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Solitude? Damn, are your hospitals made out of gold as well?
If you're unlucky over here you get up to 7 other patiens in the same, unventilated room. Including patients who have air-transmittable infections because why not?
Air conditioning doesn't exist in hospitals either by the way. That's a luxury hospitals aren't obligated to (and as such never) provide. Enjoy dehydrating in 30°C+ rooms.
I'd much rather just stay in solitude in my home for a week.
Where I live, hospitals are way better than this. My dad got slashed by a stingray in the ankle and was treated and admitted to a two bed room with air conditioning, circulation, TVs, and a whole host of other stuff, all for free.
Which country do you live in by chance? I'm in Australia, so Medicare's pretty solid here, I'm quite curious on how it works over there.
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Totally get where you're coming from. If you’re staring down the barrel of something massive like trauma, abuse, an entire system that's completely fucked and seems way bigger than you and the others fighting it are or ever will be, it feels like no matter how much "self care" you do, the external crap stays the same, right?? It's fucking maddening.
But idk, to me, therapy (actual, good therapy with a non-shitty therapist) isn’t about giving us power over the root cause, not always anyways because like you said, sometimes it's impossible. Imo, a lot of times it’s about helping people stop handing more power to "it" (whatever it may be) than "it" already has. We don’t get to choose what happens to us sometimes, but we do get to choose how we respond to it, how we carry it, how we let it affect us, how we pass our pain onto others. It can be a super uncomfortable, yet extremely liberating, paradox. Like, okay, I might not be able to slay the dragon here (sorry, nerd here), but I can sure as hell stop feeding it in whatever way I was (constant unhealthy thought patterns, my own actions or the lack thereof, etc).
Therapy doesn't fix the world for sure, but it can help us decide which parts of the suffering are necessary, or which parts we might be unconsciously choosing to carry longer than we need to. Idk, that’s where our power really is, imo.
Edit: fixed some typos
It sounds like you're telling me to stop caring about climate change cause I'd be happier
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The environment we created for ourselves takes advantage of our evolution and uses our biology against us.
Food is drowned in sugar to get us addicted.
Social media is designed to keep us angry and upset.
Entertainment is a recycled polished turd, designed to take no risks and challenge nothing and leave us only with shallow amusement.We are losing our respect for the profound, our empathy for the other, and our curiosity for the unknown.
We have made a world of numbing poison for ourselves. A 29 day separation sounds like the most powerful “therapy” we could have tbh.
the unexamined life is not worth living
