Should I tell my 13 year old son about my job?

[liyah27@lemmy.world]

I’m a single mom to a 13 year old teen and we live in a bad area. I work two jobs to pay the bills. I’m currently a barista and at night I’m a dancer/stripper at a nightclub. I haven’t really told him about my night job yet, since I’ve just played it off as being a waitress. I feel like he’s gotten kind of mature now, but I also am kind of scared he might judge me or it might affect our relationship.

[lembot_0004@discuss.online]

What for? Just avoid straightforward lies, but there is no reason to get into details. But I think you should give an honest answer if you got a concrete question.

[scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech]

Personally, I wouldn't offer it up freely.

Walking through the possibilities:

1. He already knows. Kids are smart, the internet is a thing, maybe even intuition. It's very possible he already knows and hasn't brought it up himself. If this is the case I think it's more about creating the environment where he knows he can ask you about anything.
2. He doesn't want to know. Again kids have intuition, if you're working late like that he might have suspicions but hasn't asked because he doesn't want to, so why offer it up freely. Also again creating the environment of open questions.
3. He truly doesn't know - This is the only case where it might make sense, but why bring it up now? 13 is still young in my book, and if you told him he would 100% confide it in a friend or someone else - and at that age no friend is going to keep that a secret. Maybe even they have a special someone they feel they can trust at school, but at that age it is not going to end well and that will still eventually get out. Within about 2.5 minutes of someone hearing that the entire school will know and he'll be the target of everyone.

Now, if he comes to you that's a different story. I don't know that I would go right out and say stripper, maybe use some euphamisms as you did, just say "dancer" and let him either accept that or if he asks. Personally, I think the entire conversation should be driven by him, not yourself.

[steeznson@lemmy.world]

I've heard people use the euphemism "dancer" when talking to their kids about similar jobs.

[frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone]

In my ideal world, sex work would not be stigmatized, and we could always talk to kids about it in a properly contextualized way. There are lots of societies that are more open about sex between adults than ours, the kids know about it, and the kids turn out fine. Maybe better than fine, because they have fewer hangups about it.

I have a friend with a kid around 9 years old. They do modeling sometimes for nude photography. Some of that work is hung up around the house, and they've said that pretty much all their friends have seen their naked pics. They're open about it, and it doesn't seem to be an issue with their kid.

Point being that the problems are mostly caused by hiding it and thinking it's shameful.

All that said, only you have the full context of your relationship with your kid. How to make the jump when they're already 13 may not be easy.

[randomgal@lemmy.ca]

Would you rather them hear it form you or find out on their own?

Only one of those is your choice.

[hperrin@lemmy.ca]

I would say no. He probably doesn’t want to know. Just say you work in theatre or something.

[i_fart_glitter@lemmy.world]

Why do you keep posting really similar questions and then deleting them after people answer you?

[otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

Heh. Why do you think? Also, I presume you expect an answer? ‍️

[lowspeedchase@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

Nightclub you say? - (joking to be clear, you're a good mom for even thinking about it)