Men who feel like fully functional people, how did you get there?
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
- C.S. Lewis
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Might be a controversial take but it's my experience: psychedelics. Dramatically improved my self and general awareness, feel way more connected to existence and the rest is history.
The trick is:
- Dosage. Keep it low to moderate.
- Have a suitable mindset and location
- Recognise them as tools to be used and put down once no longer needed.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
I identify and eliminate things from my life that I feel make it worse, and add things that I feel make it better. People, jobs, activities, anything.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
You talk about being fully functional and then about being isolated. Which is it? What are you really asking about?
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You talk about being fully functional and then about being isolated. Which is it? What are you really asking about?
I'm giving men who feel good about their lives an excuse to talk about how and what it looks like. The bit of their lives that they feel good about isn't terribly important to me.
So: yes.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
I’m not sure what you’re asking about exactly. If it’s the key to happiness you’re after, I’ll let you know once I find it. But when it comes to meaning - and feeling like I’m valued by society - that shift happened for me when I went from being an employee to being self-employed.
In my old job, building mostly apartment blocks and schools, I never interacted with the end users. Nobody appreciated a job well done, and nobody ever said thank you. The only thing that mattered was how fast you got it done. It wasn’t much different from working on an assembly line.
These days, people call me when they’ve got a problem with their house and I show up to solve it. They’re usually relieved I’m there, and many are just as glad to have someone to talk to - especially the elderly, who make up about half my customer base. I’ve done everything from recovering lost TV channels to full kitchen remodels, with very few limits on what I can help with. People are almost always incredibly kind and hospitable - nearly everyone offers coffee and snacks, and a few even cook for me.
On top of that, I get a ton of repeat customers, which tells me they were satisfied with my previous work. Honestly, I can’t imagine a more fulfilling feeling than getting genuine gratitude for what I do.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Mainly self-delusion
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Getting into philosophy and ethics. Contemporary Stoicism in particular is very freeing and empowering. Theres this concept in Stoicism (and Buddhism) of "dichotomy of control" where some things can't be controled like thoughts emerging or you dying but you can control your reaction to all of that.
Another concept from Stoicism that relates to community is the idea of "festival" which is basically being intentionally mindful of how awesome crowds are - the fact that a diverse group of people gather together for some shared activity or just to hang out is enough for you to enjoy it!
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
masculine is specific, do you mean as earning a muscular body, some people only feel good if they have attractive body.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Accept your role as a man.
Most men are confused about how to live because they've been conditioned to believe that men and women are equal in all things.
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
- C.S. Lewis
These are some very wise words.
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masculine is specific, do you mean as earning a muscular body, some people only feel good if they have attractive body.
I think they just meant cishet men. Unless the language changed again. Its nearly impossible to bring up the concept without having people jumping down your throat about it.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Community is something you build yourself into: ecology teaches us that the thriving individuals aren't the strongest or the fittest, but those who make themselves fundamental for their surrounding. Find what your environment lacks and try to provide it. A community will form naturally around that in no time.
I came to this conclusion through a series of drug-induced allucinations and therapy sessions applied to what I studied at university. -
For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
I don't know about fully functional, but I think there's 3 things I would say are key to not being miserable all the time:
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Be kind. It's not in everyone's nature, but the results are so rewarding. Just stop to think, is what I'm doing right now causing someone else pain or discomfort? How could I reverse that? Don't let your bad day ruin someone else's.
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Be purposeful. Find things to strive for. Small goals are fine, and sometimes things take a long time, but don't lose sight of where you want to be. Dont be manipulative or treat it like a zero sum game either, your success doesn't need to come at the cost of someone else's. Winning with your friends is even better than winning alone.
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Be forgiving. Most importantly to yourself. Failure is not the enemy of success. Self hatred will destroy any chance you have at happiness, many of us are taught at a young age to treat our own failings as horrendous sins that we must mentally self flagellate for. This is the one of the hardest things to overcome, but every step along the way will give your mind a little more room to find peace.
I found myself in a place where I was terribly miserable, isolated, and regretful. I didn't know it at the time but it was the gradual application of the above which helped pull me out of that place.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Just don't die and get old
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Accept your role as a man.
Most men are confused about how to live because they've been conditioned to believe that men and women are equal in all things.
Ok, Peterson.
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
Lovely friends, lively work, and having to routinely deal with people who have their shit together even less than me :).
That, plus philosophy and LSD. Though rarely at the same time
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Getting into philosophy and ethics. Contemporary Stoicism in particular is very freeing and empowering. Theres this concept in Stoicism (and Buddhism) of "dichotomy of control" where some things can't be controled like thoughts emerging or you dying but you can control your reaction to all of that.
Another concept from Stoicism that relates to community is the idea of "festival" which is basically being intentionally mindful of how awesome crowds are - the fact that a diverse group of people gather together for some shared activity or just to hang out is enough for you to enjoy it!
The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…
— Epictetus, Discourses
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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?
Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.
I feel like an adult but I don't waste time worrying about whether I measure up to some arbitrary definition of manhood. Had a recent conversation with some friends where I said I didn't identify very strongly with my gender and they thought I was manifesting it quite clearly. Maybe the secret is not to worry about it?
