Men who feel like fully functional people, how did you get there?

[hazzard@lemmy.zip]

Bit of an odd answer, but for me (and my wife), the last piece of the puzzle was really budgeting. The invisible, constant financial stress is a lot, and adds to that feeling of "pretending" when you're not even sure if buying groceries will cause a bill to bounce, let alone hanging out with friends who always seem to comfortably have the money to do whatever it is you're doing.

It's been several years now (early 30s, started budgeting in late 20s), it took us a while to figure it out and progress was slow, but I can "see the line" now, towards retirement, towards home ownership, we have no more credit card debt (just student loans left, which we're working on), and we budget "fun money" that I save up to make big purchases like a 7900XTX without any guilt or credit.

We're also having our first kid soon, and at least financially, I'm not stressed about it at all, which would've been impossible in our twenties. Getting our financials in hand and headed in the right direction has just done massive work in helping me feel like I know what I'm doing, and that our life is actually getting better rather than stuck in place.

[exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

I learned to be comfortable in my own skin by my late 20's. I realized that my interests and hobbies might not line up with everyone else's, but that I could prioritize my own wants and desires in a way that was both true to myself and could make my life easier.

Career wise, I bounced around with different fields and employers between about 5 cities in my adult life, before I found a role in my mid 30's that really fits my mild ADHD, where my strengths (good research and writing skills) are helpful and my weaknesses (absent mindedness, inability to sit still and focus on a single task for more than half an hour at a time) don't matter in this position.

Socially, I made lots of good friends in my 20's and 30's, and have a diversity of different types of friendships. I have a few groups of fun friends that I like doing certain activities with (one set of camping/hiking friends, another set of skiing friends, a bunch of groups of dinner party/dining out friends, a bunch of neighborhood parents for hanging out with in kid friendly places). And between some of the individual friends, some are great for emotional support when going through tough times, and I try to reciprocate when they're going through tough times, too.

My parents had church, but I'm not religious anymore, but I still try to build that level of regular in-person contact with the same people through my other recurring meetings: a designated weekly kids night at a neighborhood pizza place, a monthly happy hour with a group of friends that I work near but not with, rotating dinner parties/backyard BBQs with another core group.

And in my early 30's, I met a partner who just gets me (and vice versa), so we got married. Our quirks complement each other, and we can cover each other's weaknesses. I love parenting with her, and our household just works really well. We make each other better, and that has generally translated into building up strong foundations for relationships across both friendships and our professional networks, so that we are both in a good place socially and in our careers (which has helped our respective incomes skyrocket since we've met, so we're basically rich now).

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows, but having a good base helps getting through the tougher experiences that life inevitably throws our way.

[decaturnature@yall.theatl.social]

If you are interested in continuing to discuss Stoicism, I'm currently studying it and made a Lemmy community for discussion
https://yall.theatl.social/c/philosophy_of_life

[crozilla@lemmy.world]

Get good at something people value. You will always be able to say, “I’m shite at a lot of things, I’m ugly, and unlikable, but at least I can __________”.

It doesn’t hurt to be physically active, too.

[decaturnature@yall.theatl.social]

Perhaps the first thing was realizing that this is my life and it's up to me how to live it -- 'society' doesn't get to put any demands on me, and my life will be what it will be. With that being said, I probably lucked out to have parents who gave me opportunities without imposing burdensome expectations, and studying philosophy helped me to not follow them down paths that I thought were misguided, even when they put some mild pressure on me. Books are always a good way to realize that you aren't the only one with these doubts and ideas.

Second, is I have a decent job, which gives me some economic and social status. In some ways this was straight forward for me -- I was always studious and there always seemed to be some sort of obvious opportunity ahead of me that I was ready to pursue. There were several times when I seriously doubted the path I was on and felt a lot of anxiety, but things worked out eventually.

I don't have everything I want, and I see a lot of places I could improve in my time management and interpersonal interactions, but I feel pretty stable overall.

[softestsapphic@lemmy.world]

Found someone I love to spend my life with and give me something to strive for.

[scott_of_the_arctic@lemmy.world]

I'll let you know as soon as I do.

[laconiancruiser@lemmy.zip]

I subbed. I have a copy of Til Meg Selv that I enjoy and think the Daily Stoic puts out nice guides.

[theminister@sh.itjust.works]

Started taking my meds

[tasankovasara@sopuli.xyz]

Becoming a father at 28, after realising that is what I want from life; going deeper into the realm of love, wanting to live out the unconditional, unfaltering love for my own offspring. Finding the perfect person to go down that rabbit hole with, getting married, and less than a year later we have our first child.

It was all so easy and natural, made manifest by two people sharing this simple dream. A solid foundation was cast, I got to see firsthand that I can do this just as good as I hoped.

Something also happened before in my mid-20s. I was on a bit of a blue streak. Ended up taking an introductory course to zen sitting meditation. Two sessions was enough. Realised there's a photocopier in my head that spews out thoughts, some of them ugly. I couldn't turn it off, but I could refrain from reading the papers. Found inner peace right there and it has stuck.