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  3. Attempting to Dispel Pedophilia Claims, Trump Press Office Releases List of His Legal-Aged Mistresses

Attempting to Dispel Pedophilia Claims, Trump Press Office Releases List of His Legal-Aged Mistresses

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  • B This user is from outside of this forum
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    wrote last edited by
    #1

    (Washington DC) In a move even some in his party question, the trump white house says they are ready to release a list of his current, legal-age mistresses, to counter allegations of sexual wrong-doing by the president. Reactions were swift and vocal.

    “This was on my bingo card,” shouted one reporter above the uproar at the press briefing. In the flurry of followup questions by reporters, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt clarified that the list is not yet public, there are seven names on it, and two of those named have been in movies (later clarified to being in Netflix original dramas or better). The list will be released when the Epstein documents have not been in the headlines for 3 days. When asked if the list contained all of trumps mistresses, she clarified, “everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state.”

    “I hope this finally ends the controversy,” she added.

    Mixed reactions are being seen all over the country and around the world. “Seven?” Said Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. “That’s like trying to drink seven beers at once. I would rather see the files.”

    In an opposing view, House Speaker Mike Johnson applauded the president for changing the subject. “I am a man of god, and I would much rather see his list of mistresses, that are legal, then discuss whether there are pedophiles among those that control our government.

    Americans are mixed on the topic. Surprisingly, Republican women seem excited to discuss the topic, and a trend of #Imightbeonthelist started briefly in conservative circles, until people began age-checking accounts. Still there is excitement among republicans as they try to guess the seven women of legal age in some states who sleep with the president.

    The office of the first lady could not be reached for comment.

    thehowlingnorth@lemmy.caT inenduringgrowstrong@sh.itjust.worksI D 3 Replies Last reply
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    • B [email protected]

      (Washington DC) In a move even some in his party question, the trump white house says they are ready to release a list of his current, legal-age mistresses, to counter allegations of sexual wrong-doing by the president. Reactions were swift and vocal.

      “This was on my bingo card,” shouted one reporter above the uproar at the press briefing. In the flurry of followup questions by reporters, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt clarified that the list is not yet public, there are seven names on it, and two of those named have been in movies (later clarified to being in Netflix original dramas or better). The list will be released when the Epstein documents have not been in the headlines for 3 days. When asked if the list contained all of trumps mistresses, she clarified, “everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state.”

      “I hope this finally ends the controversy,” she added.

      Mixed reactions are being seen all over the country and around the world. “Seven?” Said Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. “That’s like trying to drink seven beers at once. I would rather see the files.”

      In an opposing view, House Speaker Mike Johnson applauded the president for changing the subject. “I am a man of god, and I would much rather see his list of mistresses, that are legal, then discuss whether there are pedophiles among those that control our government.

      Americans are mixed on the topic. Surprisingly, Republican women seem excited to discuss the topic, and a trend of #Imightbeonthelist started briefly in conservative circles, until people began age-checking accounts. Still there is excitement among republicans as they try to guess the seven women of legal age in some states who sleep with the president.

      The office of the first lady could not be reached for comment.

      thehowlingnorth@lemmy.caT This user is from outside of this forum
      thehowlingnorth@lemmy.caT This user is from outside of this forum
      [email protected]
      wrote last edited by
      #2

      "Seventy-seven in dog years?!"

      1 Reply Last reply
      2
      • B [email protected]

        (Washington DC) In a move even some in his party question, the trump white house says they are ready to release a list of his current, legal-age mistresses, to counter allegations of sexual wrong-doing by the president. Reactions were swift and vocal.

        “This was on my bingo card,” shouted one reporter above the uproar at the press briefing. In the flurry of followup questions by reporters, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt clarified that the list is not yet public, there are seven names on it, and two of those named have been in movies (later clarified to being in Netflix original dramas or better). The list will be released when the Epstein documents have not been in the headlines for 3 days. When asked if the list contained all of trumps mistresses, she clarified, “everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state.”

        “I hope this finally ends the controversy,” she added.

        Mixed reactions are being seen all over the country and around the world. “Seven?” Said Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. “That’s like trying to drink seven beers at once. I would rather see the files.”

        In an opposing view, House Speaker Mike Johnson applauded the president for changing the subject. “I am a man of god, and I would much rather see his list of mistresses, that are legal, then discuss whether there are pedophiles among those that control our government.

        Americans are mixed on the topic. Surprisingly, Republican women seem excited to discuss the topic, and a trend of #Imightbeonthelist started briefly in conservative circles, until people began age-checking accounts. Still there is excitement among republicans as they try to guess the seven women of legal age in some states who sleep with the president.

        The office of the first lady could not be reached for comment.

        inenduringgrowstrong@sh.itjust.worksI This user is from outside of this forum
        inenduringgrowstrong@sh.itjust.worksI This user is from outside of this forum
        [email protected]
        wrote last edited by
        #3

        "everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state"

        "In their state" is suspicious af here.

        B 1 Reply Last reply
        13
        • B [email protected]

          (Washington DC) In a move even some in his party question, the trump white house says they are ready to release a list of his current, legal-age mistresses, to counter allegations of sexual wrong-doing by the president. Reactions were swift and vocal.

          “This was on my bingo card,” shouted one reporter above the uproar at the press briefing. In the flurry of followup questions by reporters, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt clarified that the list is not yet public, there are seven names on it, and two of those named have been in movies (later clarified to being in Netflix original dramas or better). The list will be released when the Epstein documents have not been in the headlines for 3 days. When asked if the list contained all of trumps mistresses, she clarified, “everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state.”

          “I hope this finally ends the controversy,” she added.

          Mixed reactions are being seen all over the country and around the world. “Seven?” Said Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni. “That’s like trying to drink seven beers at once. I would rather see the files.”

          In an opposing view, House Speaker Mike Johnson applauded the president for changing the subject. “I am a man of god, and I would much rather see his list of mistresses, that are legal, then discuss whether there are pedophiles among those that control our government.

          Americans are mixed on the topic. Surprisingly, Republican women seem excited to discuss the topic, and a trend of #Imightbeonthelist started briefly in conservative circles, until people began age-checking accounts. Still there is excitement among republicans as they try to guess the seven women of legal age in some states who sleep with the president.

          The office of the first lady could not be reached for comment.

          D This user is from outside of this forum
          D This user is from outside of this forum
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          wrote last edited by
          #4

          True story. I saw an interview with Ivanka where she said that when she was in her twenties she asked her father not to date women younger than she was.

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          • inenduringgrowstrong@sh.itjust.worksI [email protected]

            "everyone that is on this list is over the age of consent in their state"

            "In their state" is suspicious af here.

            B This user is from outside of this forum
            B This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #5

            I also said “list of mistresses of legal age,” not “list of mistresses.”

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