I need relationship advice? This hurts a lot
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I’ll try to summarize this as much as possible but it’s really hard.
Me and my bf have been talking since end of November so it hasn’t been that long but we got really attached to each other. I always had guys talk to me only for sexual stuff so it took me a long time to believe he actually cared for me for anything besides that. He is the best guy and most caring one I’ve ever met. During the begininning (when I was unsure of what we were) this was the first month, he asked me my body count, I got so scared and threw a fake number at him to see how he would react. He was so upset and was crying and I felt guilty and then told him the actual number and was even more upset but then was fine after a day or so. I felt horrible. After awhile I was still unsure of what we were (we’re 7 hours away drive) and was asking him “what are you talking to me for? What do you want from me?” And he never said boyfriend girlfriend but he said he can’t tell me exactly because he doesn’t know what can happen in the future with his work and all of that. He was scared of telling me something and then me possibly being affected by it a year from now… anyways, then I started feeling it was official. I have TikTok and have had some people say they’d send me money to chat (I know it’s dumb). I told my boyfriend if he would be okay with it as I was not sending anything of myself and he said yes. I was messaging one guy and he wanted nudes so I sent the fake nudes (my bf knew) and then instead of sending money he sent me nudes back and I was so grossed out and told him this isn’t the payment he said and then we argued and I blocked. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the nudes he sent. Moving on, another guy sent me money for doing nothing, just talking about our day and then my boyfriend said he’s not fine with it unless they are sending money through go fund me link (which I understand because he doesn’t like the attention aspect behind it). I said okay and I blocked him. I did request more money via email because I was dumb but never added back and only requested the one time the day after. I feel so stupid for this. On TikTok someone said they’d send money on go fund me if I give them my Instagram first. I thought nothing of it, I thought I’d give it, get them to send, and just remove. But then they sent a dick photo out of nowhere and I blocked. I felt so guilty and couldn’t stop crying. I told my boyfriend this and he was so heartbroken that I lied. That I gave my instagram out for money. Which I understand. And I told him that the first guy also sent dick stuff and he got more upset. He needed space and we were both in a rlly dark time. We decided to talk about it in person. By the time we were gonna meet, we were begininning to talk to each other more normally and he would make jokes that he made before (sexual and regular) and I guess I got my hopes high for thinking it’ll go back to the same
We met up on Thursday night to friday. When I got to the hotel we hugged for a long time and I told him I want to talk about it but he said he wanted to enjoy the night and he didn’t know what to say. I insisted multiple times but nope. We enjoyed the night and we did everything we usually do. The next day was also fine until I noticed he looked upset and that’s when it all came up. We cried a lot, hugged a lot. And I guess he just can’t trust me the same and he’s scared he’s going to invest more feelings and end up being more hurt. I feel so bad for my dumb actions and how it made him feel. I don’t know what to do.
I asked him what made him finally think of this decision and he said when I was singing along to my music that he didn’t feel or react the same as he used to before. That shattered me. I told him how does he feel that’s different but us having sex and cuddling all night was okay? We both care and like each other a lot and we agreed to being friends and not getting rid of each other from our lives. He says he knows I made a mistake and stuff but idk how to live with this guilt. I don’t want to lose him, I want to prove to him that I will never hurt him again.
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I’ll try to summarize this as much as possible but it’s really hard.
Me and my bf have been talking since end of November so it hasn’t been that long but we got really attached to each other. I always had guys talk to me only for sexual stuff so it took me a long time to believe he actually cared for me for anything besides that. He is the best guy and most caring one I’ve ever met. During the begininning (when I was unsure of what we were) this was the first month, he asked me my body count, I got so scared and threw a fake number at him to see how he would react. He was so upset and was crying and I felt guilty and then told him the actual number and was even more upset but then was fine after a day or so. I felt horrible. After awhile I was still unsure of what we were (we’re 7 hours away drive) and was asking him “what are you talking to me for? What do you want from me?” And he never said boyfriend girlfriend but he said he can’t tell me exactly because he doesn’t know what can happen in the future with his work and all of that. He was scared of telling me something and then me possibly being affected by it a year from now… anyways, then I started feeling it was official. I have TikTok and have had some people say they’d send me money to chat (I know it’s dumb). I told my boyfriend if he would be okay with it as I was not sending anything of myself and he said yes. I was messaging one guy and he wanted nudes so I sent the fake nudes (my bf knew) and then instead of sending money he sent me nudes back and I was so grossed out and told him this isn’t the payment he said and then we argued and I blocked. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the nudes he sent. Moving on, another guy sent me money for doing nothing, just talking about our day and then my boyfriend said he’s not fine with it unless they are sending money through go fund me link (which I understand because he doesn’t like the attention aspect behind it). I said okay and I blocked him. I did request more money via email because I was dumb but never added back and only requested the one time the day after. I feel so stupid for this. On TikTok someone said they’d send money on go fund me if I give them my Instagram first. I thought nothing of it, I thought I’d give it, get them to send, and just remove. But then they sent a dick photo out of nowhere and I blocked. I felt so guilty and couldn’t stop crying. I told my boyfriend this and he was so heartbroken that I lied. That I gave my instagram out for money. Which I understand. And I told him that the first guy also sent dick stuff and he got more upset. He needed space and we were both in a rlly dark time. We decided to talk about it in person. By the time we were gonna meet, we were begininning to talk to each other more normally and he would make jokes that he made before (sexual and regular) and I guess I got my hopes high for thinking it’ll go back to the same
We met up on Thursday night to friday. When I got to the hotel we hugged for a long time and I told him I want to talk about it but he said he wanted to enjoy the night and he didn’t know what to say. I insisted multiple times but nope. We enjoyed the night and we did everything we usually do. The next day was also fine until I noticed he looked upset and that’s when it all came up. We cried a lot, hugged a lot. And I guess he just can’t trust me the same and he’s scared he’s going to invest more feelings and end up being more hurt. I feel so bad for my dumb actions and how it made him feel. I don’t know what to do.
I asked him what made him finally think of this decision and he said when I was singing along to my music that he didn’t feel or react the same as he used to before. That shattered me. I told him how does he feel that’s different but us having sex and cuddling all night was okay? We both care and like each other a lot and we agreed to being friends and not getting rid of each other from our lives. He says he knows I made a mistake and stuff but idk how to live with this guilt. I don’t want to lose him, I want to prove to him that I will never hurt him again.
What’s the question? You should edit it or your post will most likely get removed.
Skimming your post you seem to be 100% open with your bf except for lowering your body count. But honestly I don’t think that is bad of you because what sort of shrewd person asks this question? It seems he wants you to be something you are not and that’s not what you deserve honestly… I’m sorry that he hurt you.
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What’s the question? You should edit it or your post will most likely get removed.
Skimming your post you seem to be 100% open with your bf except for lowering your body count. But honestly I don’t think that is bad of you because what sort of shrewd person asks this question? It seems he wants you to be something you are not and that’s not what you deserve honestly… I’m sorry that he hurt you.
I told him my body count was 5 initially when it’s really like 18 or something. It’s so hard to remember because I did it all to fill this dumb ass void I had inside of me. Fuck if I know, maybe it’s a bit more. I genuinely don’t know. All I know is that I don’t have any STDs because I always got tested. I hate when that question came up because it opens a dark path from my life. He’s scared he won’t be able to trust me again.
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I’ll try to summarize this as much as possible but it’s really hard.
Me and my bf have been talking since end of November so it hasn’t been that long but we got really attached to each other. I always had guys talk to me only for sexual stuff so it took me a long time to believe he actually cared for me for anything besides that. He is the best guy and most caring one I’ve ever met. During the begininning (when I was unsure of what we were) this was the first month, he asked me my body count, I got so scared and threw a fake number at him to see how he would react. He was so upset and was crying and I felt guilty and then told him the actual number and was even more upset but then was fine after a day or so. I felt horrible. After awhile I was still unsure of what we were (we’re 7 hours away drive) and was asking him “what are you talking to me for? What do you want from me?” And he never said boyfriend girlfriend but he said he can’t tell me exactly because he doesn’t know what can happen in the future with his work and all of that. He was scared of telling me something and then me possibly being affected by it a year from now… anyways, then I started feeling it was official. I have TikTok and have had some people say they’d send me money to chat (I know it’s dumb). I told my boyfriend if he would be okay with it as I was not sending anything of myself and he said yes. I was messaging one guy and he wanted nudes so I sent the fake nudes (my bf knew) and then instead of sending money he sent me nudes back and I was so grossed out and told him this isn’t the payment he said and then we argued and I blocked. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the nudes he sent. Moving on, another guy sent me money for doing nothing, just talking about our day and then my boyfriend said he’s not fine with it unless they are sending money through go fund me link (which I understand because he doesn’t like the attention aspect behind it). I said okay and I blocked him. I did request more money via email because I was dumb but never added back and only requested the one time the day after. I feel so stupid for this. On TikTok someone said they’d send money on go fund me if I give them my Instagram first. I thought nothing of it, I thought I’d give it, get them to send, and just remove. But then they sent a dick photo out of nowhere and I blocked. I felt so guilty and couldn’t stop crying. I told my boyfriend this and he was so heartbroken that I lied. That I gave my instagram out for money. Which I understand. And I told him that the first guy also sent dick stuff and he got more upset. He needed space and we were both in a rlly dark time. We decided to talk about it in person. By the time we were gonna meet, we were begininning to talk to each other more normally and he would make jokes that he made before (sexual and regular) and I guess I got my hopes high for thinking it’ll go back to the same
We met up on Thursday night to friday. When I got to the hotel we hugged for a long time and I told him I want to talk about it but he said he wanted to enjoy the night and he didn’t know what to say. I insisted multiple times but nope. We enjoyed the night and we did everything we usually do. The next day was also fine until I noticed he looked upset and that’s when it all came up. We cried a lot, hugged a lot. And I guess he just can’t trust me the same and he’s scared he’s going to invest more feelings and end up being more hurt. I feel so bad for my dumb actions and how it made him feel. I don’t know what to do.
I asked him what made him finally think of this decision and he said when I was singing along to my music that he didn’t feel or react the same as he used to before. That shattered me. I told him how does he feel that’s different but us having sex and cuddling all night was okay? We both care and like each other a lot and we agreed to being friends and not getting rid of each other from our lives. He says he knows I made a mistake and stuff but idk how to live with this guilt. I don’t want to lose him, I want to prove to him that I will never hurt him again.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Doing things for others almost never causes a real change in behavior. You must want to change yourself for yourself, not for your boyfriend. That will actually change your behavior. Otherwise, you will find yourself engaging in the same behavior soon enough.
I personally, honestly think you should just become more comfortable with yourself and then find someone who is comfortable with who you are. It hurts, but the pain will pass. When you find someone more compatible with you, you will have to not worry about being who you are bothering them. You will safe in being completely honest about who you are, and knowing they accept you for who you are, without judgment for body count or getting paid for sexting.
Also, I personally wouldn't have any issues with any of these things if I was dating someone. A "body count" is a silly thing to care about (10? 20? 100? Who cares?) and being paid for sexting is labor because sex work is work. Go out and find someone with similar attitudes who isn't bothered by such things and cares about you for who you are. I promise you those people are out there.
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I told him my body count was 5 initially when it’s really like 18 or something. It’s so hard to remember because I did it all to fill this dumb ass void I had inside of me. Fuck if I know, maybe it’s a bit more. I genuinely don’t know. All I know is that I don’t have any STDs because I always got tested. I hate when that question came up because it opens a dark path from my life. He’s scared he won’t be able to trust me again.
Girl, I am saying this with so much love and compassion for you- any person who is worried about body count is not worth your time. Him asking alone would be enough of a red flag for me that I would be telling him we're done if I were in your shoes. And then when he hears 5, he is sobbing? Massive red flag, I don't care how nice he may seem, he is not mature enough to be in a relationship and you deserve better.
Sex is just a thing that two consenting adults can do, you having sex before you met him is nothing to be ashamed of, especially if you are practicing safe sex. It's also pretty unhealthy for you to take on the burden of his shame over your sexual life. If you were able to get him to come back, I fear his jealousy and insecurity would be riddled throughout your relationship. I spent all of my 20's in relationships with insecure men (I am a cishet woman) and I want to try to advise you against making a similar mistake. I could have been enjoying those ten years either on my own, or trying to find someone who really valued me. But instead I took on their problems and when I look back on my twenties I SO FUCKING WISH I had broken up with those men sooner (it was 2 long term relationships, one was 6 years, the other was ~3.5 years). I don't know how old you are, but I get a young vibe and I just want you to know that you will find someone who sees your beauty and isn't worried about such trivial things. "Forced love the worst love, throw that shit in the can." -a line from YBN Cordae's song Family Matters https://youtu.be/j8Xg0Y60Tr4
As for messaging people for money and some of the concerns about breaking his trust (as well as being accosted by online horndogs), the best you can do is learn from that outcome. I am not going to shit on people who sell companionship, whether that's just chatting, pics, or otherwise, but as you have found, men online who engage in this trade are dick pic machines. My personal takeaway is that whatever money you made was not worth the stress and the damage it wrought in your personal life. I won't, and can't, tell you not to do it, but to me it doesn't seem worth it.
Take care of yourself first and foremost, and know your value
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I told him my body count was 5 initially when it’s really like 18 or something. It’s so hard to remember because I did it all to fill this dumb ass void I had inside of me. Fuck if I know, maybe it’s a bit more. I genuinely don’t know. All I know is that I don’t have any STDs because I always got tested. I hate when that question came up because it opens a dark path from my life. He’s scared he won’t be able to trust me again.
I'm not my wife's first. Not the biggest dick she's had. Nor any of the usual male ego things. But she loves me more than any of the others and that's the only important thing.
Plus any time I've wanted to do anything kinky she has been game and we've had a lot of cool experiences together she hasn't had with anyone else.
You sound really young (at least compared to my fifty) and I hope some day you and your partner can both be comfortable with each other. There's nothing shameful about how many partners you've had.
