Yes, this is what people did back then
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Middle school CANNOT be THAT traumatizing
wrote last edited by [email protected]::: spoiler [Exactly how traumatizing it was--Caution: NSFL]
I was sexually assaulted in the locker room by other students. No one believed me. I subsequently experienced a psychological breakdown. The traumagenic dissociation plunged me through egodeath and I stopped being a person for a year. I was literally not myself again until 2009. I am still slightly messed up to this day, but the two decades that followed immediately after the incident were especially rough.
:::Edit: this is not a dunk and I don't hold it against you. By all accounts, in a better world, middle school shouldn't be traumatizing. But unfortunately, this is not the better world.
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Am I a grown adult that wakes up in a foster care home and the child that was there previously is gone?
Do I have to spend the rest of my life without an identity, or clinging to the ādelusionā that I was this child that mysteriously disappeared?Am I a child with 40 years of life experience?
Not long after, When I was 14, my first consensual sexual experience involved an 18-year-old. We got caught, and folks widely regard/regarded her as being inappropriate/in the wrong. Huh. First girlfriend, high school dances/romances. College. Jesus - every relationship basically forever.
If I proceed down the same path, does that mean Iām the creep now?Envious of your first experience with an 18 year old
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Go and have a taste of McDonalds if its the same
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Ask that blonde for a date...
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Watch the infomercials until something remotely interesting starts.
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Envious of your first experience with an 18 year old
It was weird times. I mean, great. But weird and great to my half-cooked, traumatized, and hormone-addled teenage brain.
She was my sisterās best friend at the time and, well, physically she was like the girl whoād molested me as a child, which definitely had (and still has) an impact on my physical preferences.
I donāt exactly know what her deal was, but I think it was that any male attention just short-circuited her. I recall her telling me she loved me after a few weekends of sneaking around, and after about a month, spinning a yarn as pretext to try to move in with us.Itās probably a good thing we got caught a day or so after she moved in. Stupid football game. It pushed some TV show back, and my mom/sisters stayed up late to watch it. My sister (her best friend) came downstairs to check in on her and caught us in bed.
As for the how - I donāt know. I was an awkward gangly teenager, and she was honestly a pretty attractive girl. She had some self-confidence issues, I think.
It was like the first day sheād come over for a sleepover. I had never met her - my sister befriended her when we were in foster care, so this was not unusual - and I was instantly into her. I have no idea if she picked up on that or not. We were watching movies (me, 2 of my sisters, and her). The couches were occupied, and so I had a pallet on the floor. So did she. Our feet were under the big couch, hidden by the little skirt that all couches had back then, heads pointing toward the TV. I thought I felt her foot touch mine (but it was probably wishful thinking). I edged my foot over, discovering the distance between us was way too far for her to have accidentally touched me, and sort of bonked her foot with mine while awkwardly exploring. I pulled back just slightly and she immediately pressed her foot against mine. Footsie lead some sneaky suggestive glances, then surreptitiously bridging our blankets together and doing our best to conceal our roving hands. At one point during a bathroom break everyone had left the room, she told me her intentions, and I was very okay with them. We made a plan - I was going to go to bed, and she was going to find me after everyone was asleep. (She was sleeping in a guest room that was conveniently located - my bedroom was in the basement.) And that was that.She used to page me with ā143ā (code for I love you - which I donāt think either of us could know what that actually meant) and I used to page her back with same. We were so dumb and teenager-y. It was fun, but unhealthy. I didnāt get enough positive attention, and this sort of reinforced a belief that I could only be of service to someone sexually. If I wasnāt serving someone sexually, I wasnāt of value emotionally - another formative belief that was maybe not the best and is still hard to shake.
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Invest in Apple.
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It was weird times. I mean, great. But weird and great to my half-cooked, traumatized, and hormone-addled teenage brain.
She was my sisterās best friend at the time and, well, physically she was like the girl whoād molested me as a child, which definitely had (and still has) an impact on my physical preferences.
I donāt exactly know what her deal was, but I think it was that any male attention just short-circuited her. I recall her telling me she loved me after a few weekends of sneaking around, and after about a month, spinning a yarn as pretext to try to move in with us.Itās probably a good thing we got caught a day or so after she moved in. Stupid football game. It pushed some TV show back, and my mom/sisters stayed up late to watch it. My sister (her best friend) came downstairs to check in on her and caught us in bed.
As for the how - I donāt know. I was an awkward gangly teenager, and she was honestly a pretty attractive girl. She had some self-confidence issues, I think.
It was like the first day sheād come over for a sleepover. I had never met her - my sister befriended her when we were in foster care, so this was not unusual - and I was instantly into her. I have no idea if she picked up on that or not. We were watching movies (me, 2 of my sisters, and her). The couches were occupied, and so I had a pallet on the floor. So did she. Our feet were under the big couch, hidden by the little skirt that all couches had back then, heads pointing toward the TV. I thought I felt her foot touch mine (but it was probably wishful thinking). I edged my foot over, discovering the distance between us was way too far for her to have accidentally touched me, and sort of bonked her foot with mine while awkwardly exploring. I pulled back just slightly and she immediately pressed her foot against mine. Footsie lead some sneaky suggestive glances, then surreptitiously bridging our blankets together and doing our best to conceal our roving hands. At one point during a bathroom break everyone had left the room, she told me her intentions, and I was very okay with them. We made a plan - I was going to go to bed, and she was going to find me after everyone was asleep. (She was sleeping in a guest room that was conveniently located - my bedroom was in the basement.) And that was that.She used to page me with ā143ā (code for I love you - which I donāt think either of us could know what that actually meant) and I used to page her back with same. We were so dumb and teenager-y. It was fun, but unhealthy. I didnāt get enough positive attention, and this sort of reinforced a belief that I could only be of service to someone sexually. If I wasnāt serving someone sexually, I wasnāt of value emotionally - another formative belief that was maybe not the best and is still hard to shake.
Great story. You mentioned that this encounter was your first experience. Did she work with you to show you how to do it or was it hormones flying and you jumped on top of her? If you sister interrupted, did you at least finish?
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::: spoiler [Exactly how traumatizing it was--Caution: NSFL]
I was sexually assaulted in the locker room by other students. No one believed me. I subsequently experienced a psychological breakdown. The traumagenic dissociation plunged me through egodeath and I stopped being a person for a year. I was literally not myself again until 2009. I am still slightly messed up to this day, but the two decades that followed immediately after the incident were especially rough.
:::Edit: this is not a dunk and I don't hold it against you. By all accounts, in a better world, middle school shouldn't be traumatizing. But unfortunately, this is not the better world.
Omg
sorry to hear, was not expecting that -
Try to find that cool looking Beavis and Butthead site I saw my brother browsing in the earliest days of our internet access. I had asked him where he found it and he couldn't remember, so I searched and searched and searched to no avail. I never found that Beavis and Butthead site. I just remember there was a lot of yellow.
Apparently there was an official Beavis and Butt-Head site hosted by MTV in the 90's. I didn't find any archives but there is a screenshot of it on the Web Design Museum. Not sure if it's the same one because there isn't a whole lot of yellow though.
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Invest in Apple.
Apple, Amazon... Plenty of others to choose from that were considered joke stocks for some reason
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I'll start a few websites, like facebook.com, twitter.com, reddit.com
Make them all federated sites right out of the gate
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āffffuuuckk now I canāt get easy pron!!!!!!ā
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1995? I'd play the just released International superstar soccer deluxe for the SNES
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Omg
sorry to hear, was not expecting that...truly i'm grateful you listened. What I experienced cannot be un-experienced, but ... the only way there's any chance of people doing something about this kind of terrible event, taking preventative measures against it, etc, is if they know it happens.
A peaceful existence comes from understanding conflict and how to address it.
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Drink a glass of chocolate milk, fool around until school time, which began in the afternoon
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Great story. You mentioned that this encounter was your first experience. Did she work with you to show you how to do it or was it hormones flying and you jumped on top of her? If you sister interrupted, did you at least finish?
wrote last edited by [email protected]First consensual experience. My usage of the word molested earlier downplays things a bit ā we had full penetrative sex, but I was 6 years old. Itās something that occurred dozens of times. Itās not the only time I was sexually abused as a kid by someone older, but itās the one Iāll mention.
Not very much later than that very first experience, I had a rather thorough introduction to pornography. My parents split up, my mom moved far away, taking us with her. After she kicked her drug habit, she became a workaholic and put in 80-hour workweeks. Another kid at our apartment complex had a ācool momā who figured that her preteen was going to get his hands on porn, so she had some available that I guess was okay by her. He then showed it to everyone - including my then 8-or 9-year-old self.Honestly - I think I did alright in this first consensual encounter. We had several multi-hour long trysts, usually one to two a weekend for at least a month (probably more like 2 months) until she moved in/we got caught. I donāt know if I knew what I was doing, skill wise, but she did, and Iām able to have multiple orgasms/erections, so like if one pops off (and they did with way less control back then), it wasnāt a mood killer. Plus, I think I lead off that initial encounter by trying to eat her out. Iām sure we talked and found stuff that worked for her. But maybe not? I donāt know. She kept coming back and wanted more. I assumed that was satisfaction - although it could have been whatever her emotional damage was.
A lot of it for both of us may have been the completely open embrace of each other without any kind of guile or awareness that we were, you know, being gigantic emotionally destructive idiots. As well as being fairly risky on contraception. Woof. Rhythm method most of the time. Iām sure she grew up to be a lovely person, but man, what a mess we could have made of our lives.
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Turn off the alarm clock
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Two chicks at the same time
"That's what you'd do if you had a million dollars?"
"Hell yeah man, always wanted to do that." -
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Go online, just like I did back then. I've been online before the web. And it was more fun. And no ads.
