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  3. We too often minimize the sacrifices parents make for us

We too often minimize the sacrifices parents make for us

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • M [email protected]
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    wrote last edited by
    #2

    I think my problem is that my parents never made any.

    R 1 Reply Last reply
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    • T [email protected]

      I think my problem is that my parents never made any.

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      wrote last edited by
      #3

      Unless they put you up for adoption or sent you to live with relatives, the fact that you are still alive disproves this point.

      C S H 3 Replies Last reply
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      • R [email protected]

        Unless they put you up for adoption or sent you to live with relatives, the fact that you are still alive disproves this point.

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        wrote last edited by [email protected]
        #4

        Ah yes. Just like my parents say. They put a roof over my head, therefore I should shut the fuck up about all the abuse and other neglect.

        Please mom & dad, quote that verse to me again about how the bad child should be fucking killed.

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        • R [email protected]

          Unless they put you up for adoption or sent you to live with relatives, the fact that you are still alive disproves this point.

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          wrote last edited by
          #5

          Doing the legally mandated minimum isn't a sacrifice.

          R 1 Reply Last reply
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          • S [email protected]

            Doing the legally mandated minimum isn't a sacrifice.

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            wrote last edited by
            #6

            Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn't a parent in the world that doesn't make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There's no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.

            C S C 3 Replies Last reply
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            • C [email protected]

              Ah yes. Just like my parents say. They put a roof over my head, therefore I should shut the fuck up about all the abuse and other neglect.

              Please mom & dad, quote that verse to me again about how the bad child should be fucking killed.

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              wrote last edited by
              #7

              Being a good parent and making sacrifices are not the same. It's impossible to be a parent without making sacrifices. It's possible to make said sacrifices and still be a bad parent.

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              • R [email protected]

                Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn't a parent in the world that doesn't make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There's no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.

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                wrote last edited by
                #8

                I think you’re conflating the concept of an opportunity cost with a sacrifice. There is a lot of joy in parenting, and not getting to hang out with friends because you have to take care of your child isn’t a sacrifice, it’s the cost of having a child. Not every single thing you give up is a sacrifice.

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                • C [email protected]

                  I think you’re conflating the concept of an opportunity cost with a sacrifice. There is a lot of joy in parenting, and not getting to hang out with friends because you have to take care of your child isn’t a sacrifice, it’s the cost of having a child. Not every single thing you give up is a sacrifice.

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                  wrote last edited by
                  #9

                  Yes I suppose you could apply that to anything and say sacrifice doesn't exist for anything. But since we are discussing it, I don't think we are in the mindspace you are proposing.

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                  • R [email protected]

                    Yes I suppose you could apply that to anything and say sacrifice doesn't exist for anything. But since we are discussing it, I don't think we are in the mindspace you are proposing.

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                    wrote last edited by
                    #10

                    Nah, sacrifice in regards to your children is absolutely a mindset thing. You can cognitively restructure your thinking in this case.

                    If you look at your children and think “wow, I’m not getting anything out of this” I can promise you that your children feel this and will become very distant to you when they grow older. They know when you just think they’re a burden.

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                    • C [email protected]

                      Nah, sacrifice in regards to your children is absolutely a mindset thing. You can cognitively restructure your thinking in this case.

                      If you look at your children and think “wow, I’m not getting anything out of this” I can promise you that your children feel this and will become very distant to you when they grow older. They know when you just think they’re a burden.

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                      wrote last edited by [email protected]
                      #11

                      This is true for any sort of sacrifice. Volunteering, saving people from burning buildings, giving your last dollar to someone more in need.

                      To be clear, I look at my children in the way you describe. I don't hold "my sacrifices" over their heads, it was a decision I made happily and don't regret. Same as when I donate money, help someone on the street, etc. But IMO just because it's a decision (even made happily) doesn't mean it's not a sacrifice at the same time.

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                      • R [email protected]

                        Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn't a parent in the world that doesn't make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There's no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.

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                        wrote last edited by
                        #12

                        I literally have two kids, one autistic.

                        Doing the bare minimum isn't a sacrifice. It's an expectation.

                        To me, a sacrifice is something you choose to do for someone else. Not the minimum you do to avoid prison for child endangerment.

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                          wrote last edited by
                          #13

                          Sacrificing means giving up something valued for the sake of something else. Nothing is of value to me except my kids. In that sense, I don’t have to sacrifice anything.

                          plaidbaron@lemmy.worldP 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • S [email protected]

                            I literally have two kids, one autistic.

                            Doing the bare minimum isn't a sacrifice. It's an expectation.

                            To me, a sacrifice is something you choose to do for someone else. Not the minimum you do to avoid prison for child endangerment.

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                            wrote last edited by
                            #14

                            It's an expectation and a sacrifice. By having kids you made the choice to make some sacrifices.

                            In the definition of sacrifice there is no provision for how much you wanted to make said sacrifice or what the motivation was. Simply that you gave one thing up for another thing you found more important.

                            sacrifice
                            /săk′rə-fīs″/
                            noun
                            The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim.
                            "Social activism often involves tremendous sacrifice."

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                            • Z [email protected]

                              Sacrificing means giving up something valued for the sake of something else. Nothing is of value to me except my kids. In that sense, I don’t have to sacrifice anything.

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                              wrote last edited by
                              #15

                              Other things have value for me. Its just that nothing in my life is more valuable to me than my child.

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                                wrote last edited by
                                #16

                                While everyone else can argue about what level of sacrifice constitutes an actual sacrifice, I want to point something out:

                                The dad isn’t sacrificing anything in this image. He’s simply helping his son across lol.

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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #17

                                  My parents sacrificed the world economy, rule of law, and a breathable environment for me #blessed

                                  fredselfish@lemmy.worldF 1 Reply Last reply
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                                  • plaidbaron@lemmy.worldP [email protected]

                                    Other things have value for me. Its just that nothing in my life is more valuable to me than my child.

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                                    wrote last edited by
                                    #18

                                    I see. My interpretation might have been wrong. Things can be of different value, from low to high. What I was trying to say was, that it does not feel like a sacrifice to me, since I am not losing that much, and I gain a lot, by investing time and money into my kids.

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                                    • R [email protected]

                                      Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn't a parent in the world that doesn't make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There's no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.

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                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #19

                                      I’ll engage honestly with this for a sec.

                                      Yes, parenting is hard work. I have kids myself. It’s not easy and can be rather thankless at times.

                                      I think what people are downvoting/getting upset with you about is that there’s a lot of parents who take the above and say “you owe me XYZ. Do you know how much I sacrificed for you !?!” My family did this to me. It’s heartbreaking when they pull this card and you’re just trying to get them to…well just not be shitty towards you and your family.

                                      You kinda opt-in to the thanklessness a bit. Which renders the “owing” argument moot.

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                                      • veedem@lemmy.worldV [email protected]

                                        While everyone else can argue about what level of sacrifice constitutes an actual sacrifice, I want to point something out:

                                        The dad isn’t sacrificing anything in this image. He’s simply helping his son across lol.

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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #20

                                        "Dad why do you take pills?"

                                        I have crippling neck pain.

                                        "why?"

                                        I'll tell you when you're older.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
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                                        • R [email protected]

                                          It's an expectation and a sacrifice. By having kids you made the choice to make some sacrifices.

                                          In the definition of sacrifice there is no provision for how much you wanted to make said sacrifice or what the motivation was. Simply that you gave one thing up for another thing you found more important.

                                          sacrifice
                                          /săk′rə-fīs″/
                                          noun
                                          The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim.
                                          "Social activism often involves tremendous sacrifice."

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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #21

                                          If I put a gun to someone's head to donate to charity, was that a sacrifice or a theft?

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