I don't see it as a problem, even long term.
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I don't see it as a problem, even long term. I think children are allowed to seek comfort when they need it from their parents.
The only thing I would say is that because this isn't normal behavior, and started recently, you should have a talk with them about why they are feeling the need to sleep with you now. It could be an underlying issue or it could be that they are experiencing stressors in life they aren't able to cope with.
Either way, talking to them about it would be the best idea.
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I don't see it as a problem, even long term. I think children are allowed to seek comfort when they need it from their parents.
The only thing I would say is that because this isn't normal behavior, and started recently, you should have a talk with them about why they are feeling the need to sleep with you now. It could be an underlying issue or it could be that they are experiencing stressors in life they aren't able to cope with.
Either way, talking to them about it would be the best idea.
She's talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that's specified. What reason could you possibly have for using "they/them"?
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She's talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that's specified. What reason could you possibly have for using "they/them"?
Which pronoun hurt you to make you so triggered?
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She's talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that's specified. What reason could you possibly have for using "they/them"?
There are many ways to form valid English sentences.
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She's talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that's specified. What reason could you possibly have for using "they/them"?
I think you're over-parsing their language. A lot of people just naturally use gender neutral language on social media by habit.
Also, advice is often given generally. Although we're talking about a specific kid, the advice is directed towards any other parent reading the advice as well.
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She's talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that's specified. What reason could you possibly have for using "they/them"?
I feel quite silly explaining this, because it seems like you probably don’t want a real answer, but “they” is used when referring to a general group of people. @[email protected] was answering in a way that could be applied to anyone, including OP’s son. Why be exclusive when you can be inclusive? Why try to turn a wholesome comment into a gender-war?
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She's talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that's specified. What reason could you possibly have for using "they/them"?
She’s talking about her twelve-year-old son, and that’s specified. What reason could you possibly have for using “they/them”?
I generally try to default to neutral terms. There is no need to get this triggered over my choice to use neutral pronouns.
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I feel quite silly explaining this, because it seems like you probably don’t want a real answer, but “they” is used when referring to a general group of people. @[email protected] was answering in a way that could be applied to anyone, including OP’s son. Why be exclusive when you can be inclusive? Why try to turn a wholesome comment into a gender-war?
wrote last edited by [email protected]EDIT:
Because I am a dumb dumb and apparently cannot Lemmy, ignore this comment. Leaving it up to show how silly I can be.
I feel quite silly explaining this, because it seems like you probably don’t want a real answer, but “they” is used when referring to a general group of people.
The singular use of "they/them" has existed since the 14th century, and is not simply "a general group of people' by definition in modern English.
@[email protected] was answering in a way that could be applied to anyone, including OP’s son.
I find the advice to be universal, so what is the problem with it being applied to anyone?
Why be exclusive when you can be inclusive?
Why do you believe neutral language meant to include every one is exclusionary?
Why try to turn a wholesome comment into a gender-war?
The only people I see making this a "gender war" are you, the two month old account, and the 12 day old account who also responded after being triggered by neutral language. I am open to a good faith discussion about this, but you will need to demonstrate your good faith in the next reply if you want that.
Otherwise, take care.
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EDIT:
Because I am a dumb dumb and apparently cannot Lemmy, ignore this comment. Leaving it up to show how silly I can be.
I feel quite silly explaining this, because it seems like you probably don’t want a real answer, but “they” is used when referring to a general group of people.
The singular use of "they/them" has existed since the 14th century, and is not simply "a general group of people' by definition in modern English.
@[email protected] was answering in a way that could be applied to anyone, including OP’s son.
I find the advice to be universal, so what is the problem with it being applied to anyone?
Why be exclusive when you can be inclusive?
Why do you believe neutral language meant to include every one is exclusionary?
Why try to turn a wholesome comment into a gender-war?
The only people I see making this a "gender war" are you, the two month old account, and the 12 day old account who also responded after being triggered by neutral language. I am open to a good faith discussion about this, but you will need to demonstrate your good faith in the next reply if you want that.
Otherwise, take care.
I was responding to @[email protected]'s comment, and was trying to back you up (though it sounds like I failed). I agree with everything you said in your original comment, as well as the language you used to say it. The "wholesome comment" I was referring to was your comment.
The only thing I'll take issue with is that I've been here for more than two years, I'm just on a new instance after lemm.ee's shutdown.
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I feel quite silly explaining this, because it seems like you probably don’t want a real answer, but “they” is used when referring to a general group of people. @[email protected] was answering in a way that could be applied to anyone, including OP’s son. Why be exclusive when you can be inclusive? Why try to turn a wholesome comment into a gender-war?
wrote last edited by [email protected]If this were a suggestion about "kids" in general, I would agree with you about using the neutral plural pronoun. The thing is, here our friend is replying specifically to OP and offering opinions about what she should do with her son. In that case, I find it annoying and disingenuous to use "they" to talk about the kid, as not only do I find the use of a plural pronoun to refer to a single individual to be a poor linguistic choice, but it is especially so when the subject in question is specifically defined in regard to its gender.
I don't understand why this opinion should be seen as a "gender war," nor why the comment should be received with greater enthusiasm than its mild content implies
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If this were a suggestion about "kids" in general, I would agree with you about using the neutral plural pronoun. The thing is, here our friend is replying specifically to OP and offering opinions about what she should do with her son. In that case, I find it annoying and disingenuous to use "they" to talk about the kid, as not only do I find the use of a plural pronoun to refer to a single individual to be a poor linguistic choice, but it is especially so when the subject in question is specifically defined in regard to its gender.
I don't understand why this opinion should be seen as a "gender war," nor why the comment should be received with greater enthusiasm than its mild content implies
"Gender war" might have been too strongly worded. But I, and clearly lots of other Lemmings, are especially sensitive to users who try to stir up unnecessary controversies about gender, or bring it into comments where it isn't relevant. You might not have been trying to do that, so that's my bad ratcheting up the rhetoric with "gender war." But I read Arkouda's comment and I didn't even notice their use of "they" until reading your comment about it.
As others have said, I think you parsed the language a little too far. It's perfectly acceptable, and sometimes preferred, to use generalities when offering advice. Re-reading it again, I frankly can't see how it's disingenuous at all.
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If this were a suggestion about "kids" in general, I would agree with you about using the neutral plural pronoun. The thing is, here our friend is replying specifically to OP and offering opinions about what she should do with her son. In that case, I find it annoying and disingenuous to use "they" to talk about the kid, as not only do I find the use of a plural pronoun to refer to a single individual to be a poor linguistic choice, but it is especially so when the subject in question is specifically defined in regard to its gender.
I don't understand why this opinion should be seen as a "gender war," nor why the comment should be received with greater enthusiasm than its mild content implies
wrote last edited by [email protected]"Someone came by when you were out."
"What did they want?"
The linguistic angle doesn't support this. Real linguists disagree with you.
Also people used singular they before singular "you" existed, so I hope you'll revert to using thee and thou and thy immediately.
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I was responding to @[email protected]'s comment, and was trying to back you up (though it sounds like I failed). I agree with everything you said in your original comment, as well as the language you used to say it. The "wholesome comment" I was referring to was your comment.
The only thing I'll take issue with is that I've been here for more than two years, I'm just on a new instance after lemm.ee's shutdown.
Apologies for the misunderstanding. I did not realize that I was notified only because you @ me, not responded to me, so I responded as though it was directed at me.
Don't take too much of an issue with it. I misunderstood the situation, and dealt with it as such. No hate on new accounts generally, but being here for a year has me seeing new accounts as a big red flag.
Again, apologies for the misunderstanding!
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Apologies for the misunderstanding. I did not realize that I was notified only because you @ me, not responded to me, so I responded as though it was directed at me.
Don't take too much of an issue with it. I misunderstood the situation, and dealt with it as such. No hate on new accounts generally, but being here for a year has me seeing new accounts as a big red flag.
Again, apologies for the misunderstanding!
No problem! The @ing does sound confusing, I think I’ll stop doing that.
