Done with being the one in charge of maintaining friendships
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I had this problem several times as well. I was told once I should at least extent my hand and be the one starting the conversation. Thing is, if I am doing that all the time and I never have it the other way around, means 2 things: either they don't care enough to even ask how I am doing, and/or take for granted I deal with that.
Most relationships are a 2 way street. You may start the conversation a couple of times, but if you keep doing with 0 payout, eventually falls off.
This also reminds me of the people that only bother to tell something on birthdays (only if it is visible somewhere like LinkedIn or so), and/or Xmas just to give happy birthday/holidays. If the conversation is that short every time (get felicitations and say thanks, not much more), then maybe don't bother saying anything at all. And please, do not only reach out when you have problems. If we didn't talk for years, and you tell me how I am doing just to ask for a favor, please kindly fuck off. Got several time those as well.
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I had this problem several times as well. I was told once I should at least extent my hand and be the one starting the conversation. Thing is, if I am doing that all the time and I never have it the other way around, means 2 things: either they don't care enough to even ask how I am doing, and/or take for granted I deal with that.
Most relationships are a 2 way street. You may start the conversation a couple of times, but if you keep doing with 0 payout, eventually falls off.
This also reminds me of the people that only bother to tell something on birthdays (only if it is visible somewhere like LinkedIn or so), and/or Xmas just to give happy birthday/holidays. If the conversation is that short every time (get felicitations and say thanks, not much more), then maybe don't bother saying anything at all. And please, do not only reach out when you have problems. If we didn't talk for years, and you tell me how I am doing just to ask for a favor, please kindly fuck off. Got several time those as well.
wrote last edited by [email protected]And please, do not only reach out when you have problems. If we didn’t talk for years, and you tell me how I am doing just to ask for a favor, please kindly fuck off. Got several time those as well.
These people are the worst
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I trust my friends and our friendship, some of them has anxiety that make it very stressful to reach out, luckily I don't so I don't mind keeping in touch for both our sake.
Not everything need to be an exchange and there's no need to constantly second guess our relationships.
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I trust my friends and our friendship, some of them has anxiety that make it very stressful to reach out, luckily I don't so I don't mind keeping in touch for both our sake.
Not everything need to be an exchange and there's no need to constantly second guess our relationships.
I definitely have friends like this. I have some family like this. We are good no matter how much time between communications.
I also have some family that put zero effort in and maybe they'd show up if I needed them. But given that after one text, they haven't checked in at all after my Dad died unexpectedly 7 months ago...
They still have each other and both parents. I'm not going to be the one comforting them.
So I'm not actually sure they'd show up even if I asked.
Luckily, I have people who have checked in on me without me having to reach out first.
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That's why group chats exist, so you can keep the friendship alive through memes and news
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You definitely shouldn't put energy into a friendship if you feel like the other person isn't interested, but be careful with this mindset. I've seen plenty of cases where this becomes such a fear and habit, that the person never reaches out to anyone, because they're waiting to be talked to first as a test. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
Others are also busy. Others might also be waiting for you to reach out. If you want a friendship to happen it's OK to initiate. People will often appreciate it.
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Overall, I disagree.
I have a good friend that never contacts me first. But if I start the conversation, they engage, often propose extra plans and are great to hang out with. They just postpone reaching out.
I have friends that often beat me to the punch, and initiate the conversation first way more often than I do. I am grateful and we then have nice chats. Only sometimes we end up making plans, but I always thank them for reaching out.
I have vague acquaintances with which I exchange birthday wishes every year. If by chance we were meeting up again, we would have a pleasant surface level conversation. They used to be friends, but we live far away now and the friendship dwindled. Still going to send birthday wishes to minimally keep in touch. That’s fine too.
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I trust my friends and our friendship, some of them has anxiety that make it very stressful to reach out, luckily I don't so I don't mind keeping in touch for both our sake.
Not everything need to be an exchange and there's no need to constantly second guess our relationships.
the key word here is "some", having a couple friends who you know struggle with it isn't the same thing as being surrounded by people who never initiate contact.
You can't expect someone to prop up most of their relationships, that's a nutso amount of effort.
