Is there like a cheat code for dating apps?
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I feel you are mostly right in this one but I heard women hate people who befriend them for sake of seeking a relationship beyond friendship.
On the other hand, let's say you always looked at a woman as friend and suddenly she expresses her feelings for you down the line. Would you be ready to mold the relationship on the spot, which you have seen as a platonic friendship from the get-go? Why is that they can do it but not men?
And if you had crush on someone and you intentionally made friendship with them to give you a chance for it to go beyond friendship, would that be a wrong thing? And if in case, they had expressed feelings to you because they liked your personality, would you be able to say that they were always was your crush? Wouldn't that throw then off seeing you were seeking romantic relationship with them from the start?
I might've gone slightly off-topic but this is a good discussion I feel.
Would you be ready to mold the relationship on the spot, which you have seen as a platonic friendship from the get-go?
I'm not a relationship expert so I can only give a response based on my own subjective feelings and opinions.
I'd say that you'd probably be able to tell pretty easily if a friend would be a suitable partner if you've spent a decent amount of time around them. It might be a bit of an uncomfortable conversation to turn them down, but good friends should have healthy communication and a discussion about why the interest isn't mutual would probably go over well. If you just say no and provide no context as to why, that would likely end badly.
would you be able to say that they were always was your crush?
I did exactly this with my wife. We initially became friends because she was one of my roommate's girlfriend like 15 years ago. We had a strictly platonic relationship for about 10 years, but I was crushin hard after 5.
Turns out that so was she.
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Disclaimer: I’m not straight, but when I used the apps I mostly matched with women, who were mostly cis and mostly straight.
It sounds like you’re looking for a LTR. Tinder is mostly for HUs. Everyone I met on there was casual-only or wanted long term but like, desperately. Bumble wasn’t a significantly different crowd when I tried it, in spite of the hype. Hinge I heard was better for LTRs, with a questionnaire system and everything, but never tried. Overall, my impression was that lots of the “looking for something real” folks in the apps probably should’ve been prioritizing therapy and learning to love themselves before throwing themselves into another LTR. This leads to my main point at the bottom.
For more swipes/matches, top rec is almost always better photos, especially for straight men, but I would modify that recommendation slightly. I think you should first ask yourself some questions about your target audience.
Why: Let’s say you’re advertising yourself as a kind stable safe and hard-working man looking for a LTR. That profile, to be successful with your target audience, will easily scare away the casual crowd for lots of reasons. The sincere and detailed bio, the photos of you posing with others at formal events, etc are all workable but limit your marketability to a specific subset of women who mostly lurk.
Just for fun think about a hypothetical fuckboi-version of your usual profile, complete with poorly lit bathroom selfies, shirtless beach photos, and a bio that’s just a line from a Tarantino film. That alter ego will get more swipes than you, not because he’s prettier or fitter than you but because he seems approachable, fun, and easy. So maybe ask yourself what of this alter-ego actually expresses aspects of your personality, and consider incorporating a bit more of him.
The apps weren’t built for courtship rituals and in general it’s very hard to generate chemistry by text. Even a relationship that starts off casual can go many places, and has the advantage of beginning with everyone’s cards down. Just my .02… GL
wrote last edited by [email protected]I've always tried to go for the ltr profile with lots of details.. I've since given up but I feel like it might be worth it trying your suggestion with a more easy going version. Thanks
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Been in a relationship for quite a while so this is 2nd hand knowledge, but you wanna avoid any app that's been around for more than 2-3 years.
At the beginning the apps need to get a reputation for successfully hooking people up and they're usually not urgently searching for money thanks to venture capitalism. After that point though they need to grow and profit.
You know what's bad for user growth in a dating app? Successfully matching people into a long term relationship; those users may never return.
The end result is what I hear tinder is these days: a siphon into the bank accounts of single people that will do everything it can to avoid making them not single.
what apps have been around for less than 2-3 years?
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
On the apps, the cheat code is paying up. Even then, it won't guarantee any success. Last app I used was bumble, around the end of 2023, which was on its way of enshittification, but still worked muuuuuuuuuch better than tinder. Got lucky and met my current gf there (4th or 5th woman I managed to go out on a date from that app, out of many that I chatted with).
My main problem which makes me rely on the apps is that I simply rarely feel like going outside. Not doing any group activities seriously hurts your chances of finding anyone interesting.
Real life wise, your best bet would be trying dance classes, especially any that are supposed to be danced in pairs
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i can see that, certainly. and there are cases where they are unavoidable. But still (and i show my age here) I'd still rather avoid them if at all possible
A totally understandable take. On the other hand, I personally find them quite useful, and don't think they should be dismissed out of hand. And I think that if someone wants advice on using them effectively (going back to my original post in this thread), that they should be given advice on using them effectively - not platitudes.
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
wrote last edited by [email protected]They absolutely have gotten way, way, way worse. I deleted all of them, despite 1.) being single, 2.) wanting to date again, and 3.) having met multiple dates on multiple apps in the past. They're simply not like they used to be, in part because of Match Group buying them all up and in part because the other non-Match Group options followed that same "successful" model.
It honestly feels like the only way to succeed is to pay, but EVEN THEN, using Tinder for example, you'll still be pestered to pay even more to "make sure your messages are seen" and most of the likes they suddenly turn on once you pay will be fake, bot profiles. To an absurd degree these days. And the prices are outrageous, with many of them having the gall to charge WEEKLY now.
It's not a you thing, it's a "the apps really, really suck" thing. There's a reason so many people, men and women alike, complain about these apps and insist they must "only see the worst matches." Because they almost certainly do. If they send you your best matches, you wouldn't subscribe anymore. If they send you bad matches, plus "good" fake matches, they think it'll keep your hopes up. Except it's obvious when all the fake profiles look the same, are exactly 99 miles away from you, etc...etc...
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On the apps, the cheat code is paying up. Even then, it won't guarantee any success. Last app I used was bumble, around the end of 2023, which was on its way of enshittification, but still worked muuuuuuuuuch better than tinder. Got lucky and met my current gf there (4th or 5th woman I managed to go out on a date from that app, out of many that I chatted with).
My main problem which makes me rely on the apps is that I simply rarely feel like going outside. Not doing any group activities seriously hurts your chances of finding anyone interesting.
Real life wise, your best bet would be trying dance classes, especially any that are supposed to be danced in pairs
I hear ya but dancing classes are definitely not for me
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what apps have been around for less than 2-3 years?
Absolutely no idea what the current set is called, I'm afraid. I've been in my current relationship for over a decade
One of my mates was telling me the other week he is getting a lot of luck with one where you match and then immediately set up an IRL date without directly talking. I don't remember the name though, sorry
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
Be a girl.
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32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they've gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you're an average looking man?
wrote last edited by [email protected]Profile:
- full body pic
- face pic
- pic showing interests
- pic showing social life
- description taking about your interests and what you want to do (hiking, games, sports, clubs, whatever, open to new things, etc... Don't be shy about nerd shit)
- be honest.
- be positive.
Behavior:
- pick one day a week.
- pick one hour on that day, preferably the later half of your most normal schedule, or around 6pm otherwise.
- swipe for no more than 15 minutes/app in that hour.
- Most important: Look at people's profiles, be VERY picky. Swipe right ONLY on people you actually want to TALK to. If that's 3 out if 100 it's actually a good thing.
- do this for 3-6weeks if you're M4F.
The goal is to train the algorithm on the types of people YOU like. If you swipe right on everything it learns nothing and will show you people, and show you to people who share much less potential interest in a date.
This limited swipe schedule is also to combat brain-rot incelification and burnout. Sucks to be alone but go touch a tree and hang out with friends. No friends? I know it sucks shit but you gotta start there. Do the stuff you like doing around other people and take pictures. Helps with the profile, softens the loneliness, and you'll have people to confide in after a bad date.
Lastly, if you abused your account before(swiping right indiscriminately) it may be messed up. Let it sit a few weeks before trying again.
