What strict parents actually teach
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My parents were strict about things that didn't matter. They taught swear words and being gay was bad but never taught me anything about surviving life or making money or managing hobbies or anything having to do with self growth or independence.
They limited my ability to grow. Along with society at the time and then blamed me when for it when I became an adult and was socially dysfunctional.
It's weird... If you're not teaching your kids no one really is. They'll end up learning from entertainment or people taking advantage of them. But still people have kids like it's a set it and forget it process and then blame the kid/person for not knowing x thing.
I'm having the exact same issue. Never taught me any life skills. My mum was told by the GP to get me tested for aspergers (as it was then) when I was 15, and she sat on that for over 10 years. Meanwhile I grew up hating myself for not being able to do things that my peers could. Things got worse when I had to get a job and I didn't have the social knowledge to pass interviews. My self esteem got worse, my anxiety ruled my life. I would keep attracting men who treated me like dirt and I couldn't let go because I was so desperate for someone to love and accept me.
She passed away three months ago and now my dad wants to kick me out and I have no freaking idea how to survive in the adult world. I don't know how to go about renting or setting up utilities, I struggle with navigation so my fear of getting lost stops me going places. I'm going to have to leave London because I can't afford a place here. All I get is, when are you moving out? Dad wants to sell the house. It's not fair to deprive your sisters of their share of the house. No offers of help. No acknowledgement that decades of my mum wrapping me in cotton wool and controlling me has left me dysfunctional.
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What is strict? When I was a kid that was a wooden spoon or a belt. Across the backside or hands. As well as a long list of chores. The strap still hung on the wall of the principal's office at school as a warning but didn't get used anymore. Mostly suspensions and expulsions were the flavor of the day.
I got called a strict parent on Lemmy not so long ago because we limit screen time in our house to an hour a day with some exceptions. Our kids walk to town alone at 10 years old though (2 km one way) and have the knowledge and awareness to manage on their own. We trust them and they in turn make mostly good choices. They are kids after all.
I got paddled once at school in 6th grade (this was in the '70s when they still did that shit). Two whacks for talking during class or maybe it was because my desk was messy. The teacher let me choose between two paddles (an evil all by itself) and I foolishly chose the one with holes drilled in it (which leads to greater whack speed and less surface area hit). She took me out in the hall and her first blow missed badly - hit me on my hamstrings behind my knees and they kept hurting for days. She said "oh that one doesn't count" and hit me on my ass twice more.
Weirdly enough, she had marched with Martin Luther King Jr. during the civil rights era and played his "I Have a Dream" speech for the class (not on the say day as my paddling, though).
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It 100% is.
My parents were abusive in this way.
My wife and I are strict. There is a huge difference.
how huge of a difference?
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Yeah, my parents made us leave our cell phones on the kitchen counter so they could read our texts every night, and they installed software on our computers that took screenshots every 5 seconds.
I wonder why I have issues with authority figures and privacy?
wrote on last edited by [email protected]deleted by creator
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Let's not advertise this fascists' work anymore
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Search engines are free to use.
There's a dozen different definitions there. That's not helpful
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The difference can often be negligible to a child's eyes depending on how 'strict' lessons are worded or otherwise expressed. If it is always with scolding after a lack of instruction turned in to idle entertainment that went awry, it sometimes doesn't really matter how relevant the information was.
So, like they said, it's not about being strict, it's about how that information is presented....
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There's a difference between strict and abusive.
Your own judgement.
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The problem is it's often difficult to admit you had abusive parents, and abusive parents love to describe themselves as just strict. So yeah it's kinda a euphemism
Also, when you are raised with abuse then it is hard to recognize abuse.
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No one is going to react to the fact that they have a furry pfp and their handle is "BugCatcherWill"?
I get that people are eager to air their grievances with their parents, but do you really think this guy is talking about the same thing you are? Methinks there's a good reason their parents kept a close eye on them.
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Unfortunately as the post said, atleast two of those things are actually useful skills
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deleted by creator
If anyone catches you, just explain your parents were depraved and totally into that kinda thing, so you're honoring them in a way they'd appreciate.
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You had a cell phone as a child? Musta been nice. I had no door on my bedroom doorframe and wasn't aloud out of the house except under rare circumstances.
Didn't mean I was willing to follow the rules. All that strictness caused me to simply rebel to all authority figures. Seriously, ask me my opinions about police or the government. Lol.
Eh, not as a kid. I got a phone in high school once I got my driver’s license. But yeah, parents are a blast, huh?
How are you feeling about cops and the government these days?
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I'm having the exact same issue. Never taught me any life skills. My mum was told by the GP to get me tested for aspergers (as it was then) when I was 15, and she sat on that for over 10 years. Meanwhile I grew up hating myself for not being able to do things that my peers could. Things got worse when I had to get a job and I didn't have the social knowledge to pass interviews. My self esteem got worse, my anxiety ruled my life. I would keep attracting men who treated me like dirt and I couldn't let go because I was so desperate for someone to love and accept me.
She passed away three months ago and now my dad wants to kick me out and I have no freaking idea how to survive in the adult world. I don't know how to go about renting or setting up utilities, I struggle with navigation so my fear of getting lost stops me going places. I'm going to have to leave London because I can't afford a place here. All I get is, when are you moving out? Dad wants to sell the house. It's not fair to deprive your sisters of their share of the house. No offers of help. No acknowledgement that decades of my mum wrapping me in cotton wool and controlling me has left me dysfunctional.
Similar story here. It really sucks to feel like I'm still learning how to be a functional adult. I hope you keep making progress and celebrate all the little victories along the way.
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My mom was barely there on medication and my father just wasn't. It was cool to be able to do whatever I wanted, but I had to make sure Mom fell asleep on her side.
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how huge of a difference?
It basically comes down to:
My parents: do it or I’ll kick your ass
My wife and I: please do it, here are the reasons for us asking and if you do it you get positive attention and possibly a physical reward.
If you don’t do it, we talk about why and we listen to the reasons they give and adjust our parenting style if necessary based on their feedback.
They then go and do it.
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No one is going to react to the fact that they have a furry pfp and their handle is "BugCatcherWill"?
I get that people are eager to air their grievances with their parents, but do you really think this guy is talking about the same thing you are? Methinks there's a good reason their parents kept a close eye on them.
Btw, for the happily unaware: The term "Bug catching" does generally not refer to catching insects, he's not an entomologists. The bugs he's catching are the kind you do not want to catch, if you catch my drift.
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Similar story here. It really sucks to feel like I'm still learning how to be a functional adult. I hope you keep making progress and celebrate all the little victories along the way.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I do wonder how different if have turned out if I'd had just one person tell me there's a medical reason for why I struggle. That I'm not a failure or useless or stupid, I just struggle in a world not designed for me.
Since December, my almost 15 year old budgie died, I finally ended things for good with my toxic ex, my mum has passed away (I still love and miss her, her overprotective behaviour was from her own childhood trauma), my dad wanting me out and now I'm being made redundant again. I feel like everything is pointing me in the direction of moving away, but it's hard when no one showed me how. But maybe I can finally be in control of my own life. It's just very very scary taking those first steps.
Edit: your username sounds British (my a makes me look American, but I'm just a weird British baseball fangirl). If I figure things out, I'd be happy to share my wisdom.
I was thinking if no one's done it already, if I learn to be an adult, I could write a full guide for how to adult for us neurodivergent folk and others who were left behind.
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Great lessons for the underpaid and overworked workforce though.
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Btw, for the happily unaware: The term "Bug catching" does generally not refer to catching insects, he's not an entomologists. The bugs he's catching are the kind you do not want to catch, if you catch my drift.
Neat thing that you know, there!
