If I Had One Wish, I’d Wish… [TW Depression/Suicide]
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Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me wishes I never existed. There have been so many nights I’ve wished to never wake up. Other times, when my anxiety causes chest pains (right side), I wish it were in the left (heart attack). But then there are times when I see my boys working together to solve a video game problem (I grew up abused by my brother because he thought “that’s what brothers did”), or they make a casual comment about how much they want to do something with me (spend my birthday with me and take me to dinner, on their mom’s week), and I couldn’t be happier to be alive, and I wish I could just be happy because they are all I need.
~I’m sorry, I’m just so very tired.~
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Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me wishes I never existed. There have been so many nights I’ve wished to never wake up. Other times, when my anxiety causes chest pains (right side), I wish it were in the left (heart attack). But then there are times when I see my boys working together to solve a video game problem (I grew up abused by my brother because he thought “that’s what brothers did”), or they make a casual comment about how much they want to do something with me (spend my birthday with me and take me to dinner, on their mom’s week), and I couldn’t be happier to be alive, and I wish I could just be happy because they are all I need.
~I’m sorry, I’m just so very tired.~
The first part I know, on the second one I'm still working.
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Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me wishes I never existed. There have been so many nights I’ve wished to never wake up. Other times, when my anxiety causes chest pains (right side), I wish it were in the left (heart attack). But then there are times when I see my boys working together to solve a video game problem (I grew up abused by my brother because he thought “that’s what brothers did”), or they make a casual comment about how much they want to do something with me (spend my birthday with me and take me to dinner, on their mom’s week), and I couldn’t be happier to be alive, and I wish I could just be happy because they are all I need.
~I’m sorry, I’m just so very tired.~
Life's tough, sorry you've had it rough. Keep sticking it out for those good moments, there are many many more to come!
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Honestly, I’m not sure. Part of me wishes I never existed. There have been so many nights I’ve wished to never wake up. Other times, when my anxiety causes chest pains (right side), I wish it were in the left (heart attack). But then there are times when I see my boys working together to solve a video game problem (I grew up abused by my brother because he thought “that’s what brothers did”), or they make a casual comment about how much they want to do something with me (spend my birthday with me and take me to dinner, on their mom’s week), and I couldn’t be happier to be alive, and I wish I could just be happy because they are all I need.
~I’m sorry, I’m just so very tired.~
wrote last edited by [email protected]No need to feel sorry - sometimes we need to vent out, that's only human.
Some "fluctuation" in self esteem is normal. The problem here is the range, it's going all the way into suicide idealisation, that is not good. If you didn't yet, I'd suggest you to check this with a psychiatrist.
About kids working together to solve video game problems: that's always a joy to watch, isn't it?
