The great millennial garbage gyre
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I mean the flip side of what you are saying is that people aren't allowed to have a social life free from romantic pursuit. Yes, it's a thin line to walk but you are only seeing the view from a person with limited romantic opportunities, not the person who is tired of every social interaction being hijacked by dude number 67897 "out to find people you enjoy spending time with, and maybe some of them are also people you consider pursuing romantically."
Like I totally get your perspective here. Doing things, and then... Organic relationship with no pressure. That's ideal. The problem is that horny dudes hold this ideal in their head, and then use it to justify blowing up every coed activity in existence. You might think, "ok, if she says no, I'll drop it" but the counterpoint is that this ritual becomes a chore for the other side of the fence. You are socially awkward, now imagine that any time you socialize in a group you have to awkwardly defend against someone's iterative advances. And that this happens so often, it begins to color the way you interact with every acquaintance.
Yes, meeting people in group settings often leads to dates. But going into those settings with the intention to find a date is a recipe for problems. This is a subtle, but important distinction which seems lost on a lot of people.
wrote last edited by [email protected]But going into those settings with the intention to find a date is a recipe for problems
Here is the disconnect. You are working in the context of the fumbling weirdo who doesn't understand when the answer is no, or d-bag who thinks its just playing hard to get and he needs to pursue harder, the person that is just "on the hunt" all the time. First you are missing the context of the thread, they were never talking about them, and we cannot always be saying ideas and opinions with 20 disclaimers all the time (this message doesn't mean go out and treat social groups like speed dating, etc...) However to avoid those people you are making a blanket statement to everyone that people shouldn't go and socialize and attempt to find romantic partners because we might accidentally enable a group of people who were going to do that anyways.
Unfortunately there will always be clumsy/annoying/overly-aggressive pursuits, and i can appreciate how exhausting that must be; but at the same time, I have to deal with mindless assholes everywhere, men who for whatever reason let their ego steer every interaction of their whole life (small dick energy), while it might be their fault that they could recolor how i perceive socializing, it is my responsibility to accept this is a fact of life, that it is unavoidable without extreme anti-social costs on myself, and learn to deal with it the best way i can. We cannot change others, we can only change how we react and feel about others.
I am also guessing this might be a difference of social bubbles, id imagine you might be in your 20's, or maybe in a place in the world where its more acceptable for men to be uncaring about a persons comfort with being approached, this kind of stuff is quite rare in my social groups. If one of my friends was being made uncomfortable in this type of situation they would only need to flash the "I'm uncomfortable eyes" to the group and someone would go calmly pull them out of it and back into the group, and if it was a person in the group doing that, and couldn't move on, they would be removed from the group.
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In no world will anyone convince me to share my person, to whom I don't own.
Well, apparently you do own them, if you think they are yours to share or not share as you choose
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Here's the great part; you don't! (I am American and only going outside for vital activities anymore)
I'm British, trying the apps but yea other than that there aren't really any other options for me.
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Might not be a great idea, tbh.
wrote last edited by [email protected]This isn't what was suggested here at all.
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The app doesn't need to be free, and the revenue stream won't dry up if it actually works because people break up, and there are so many fucking people that even in a zero sum scenario it would take forever to reach saturation.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Sorry if I come off like a butthole but I'm both curious yet dubious of the idea. I feel like people probably have thought about it but they probably ran into the same problems you'll run into.
You didn't quite answer my question. Where are you getting revenue? Eg. Subscription, one-time fees for X, grants, investments, etc?
Duallingo started like a non-profit but even their revenue with its massive userbase couldn't cover their expenses so they had to compromise hard to keep the lights on. The same happened to Coffee Meets Bagel. Hinge started with the same premise of "this app is meant to be deleted" but they also had to compromise and eventually sold to Match Group.
Also, I feel like gay men are a unique demographic that has higher that average engagement so Grindr is probably in a uniquely advantaged position to resist enshitification.
I guess I'm just saying it's probably in practice a cost center like city infrastructure or schools or research, so it might only work without heavy compromises if it's also funded by taxes.
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The 17yo... at work?? I wonder what's the minimum working age in memeland.
I was 13 when I had my first job (paper round) and then 15 when I worked in a pub kitchen. The pub job was a great laugh! They definitely made me appreciate the value of money and work.
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I’d be interested in the server. Why are you making the joke? It’s okay to be single.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I'd be interested on the server as well, depending on if you guys play around evening time in my timezone (GMT).
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I’ve been curious if a government-run dating app could do better - if its goal is to achieve genuine engagement, not cycles of frustration that boost subscription rates.
This is one of many subjects where capitalist concern ruins the product (and that’s not even something I say as often as others on Lenny)
I would prefer something defederated over government owned.
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The 17yo... at work?? I wonder what's the minimum working age in memeland.
wrote last edited by [email protected]This was one of the "culture shocks" for me too so I will explain.
It's pretty much the norm for highschoolers to be working part-time during school days. One fo the main arguments against increasing minimum wage is "I don't want a highschooler making as much money."
Middleschoolers also often have jobs tho it's usually either working for a relative or simply not on paper.
Not on paper ones also often pay less than minimum wage, in my case I was working in a warehouse at 13 for $5/hr.
This is for Texas, idk what other states do.
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Of the 5 I currently have in my roster, 2 came from online, 2 were friends of friends, 1 I introduced myself to at a rock climbing crag.
I also seek out partners at my job, at the climbing gym, at various meetups like for acroyoga or fire spinning or pickup ultimate Frisbee, at social bars or concerts or festivals, or just when I'm walking around in the park near my house. Importantly, I'm not just going up to every attractive woman I see and saying "nice tits, wanna bang?" - even though this is my truth in my heart of hearts. Instead what I do is show up, have fun, meet people, joke around, and just be a normal person. But then if someone is cute, I'll do a little eyebrow wiggle or some shit during a break in the conversation, and if she eyebrow wiggles back, I escalate - like by tickling the back of her elbow or telling her that she's, like, literally the worst why am I even talking to her. And then at the end of the night I say "hey, I think you're cute - wanna hang out alone sometime and maybe do some smoochin'?" And then she says yes or no, I give her a high five either way, and I'm on my merry way.
Edit: I'll point out that the number of partners I have from online is mostly because I have a good profile, so getting matches is pretty easy for me. Most people don't have as high of a sex drive as me, and so won't want to put in the effort. Going through social networks (real life social networks) or social hobbies is far more likely to net you compatible partners, since the choices you make in these arenas are likely to attract people with similar values and dispositions.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Well, that was a lot more than I bargained for. Also, gross.
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This isn't what was suggested here at all.
That's how it'll end up though.
Although with all the Nazism going on in Silicon Valley, there's a good chance that's what they've been attempting all along.
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Honestly, 90% of the need for dating apps would vanish if people had more free time away from work and well-kept public spaces for entertainment that didn't expect you to purchase anything.
So rather than a government-run dating app, how about a government-sanctioned 4 day work week and well kept public parks?
I don’t know if I buy that. I think people simply like hiding behind a screen for many interactions these days - including dating.
Not that Im against your idea but maybe just the 90% part seems inflated.
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In my 50s and I don't bother anymore. It's just not worth the hassle. In my 30s I would have had to send out 100 messages to get 1 date. It's so much worse in my 50s.
I hear ya there. I had a blast 10+ years ago with online dating, mostly okcupid. I’ve heard that it’s went to shit and I just don’t even have the energy to trudge through the apps.
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Look, I did it at 47. Take the time to make a good profile, ask for help on pics and be an authentic you. It’s a mess out there, for those that never try.
wrote last edited by [email protected]The pics part is weird because it's like... I'm supposed to have other people's photos of me? I don't have photos of me. Why would I take a photo of the same thing I see every morning like I'm just trying to say hello to the world, like I'm an actually happy, well-adjusted person who wants to update all of his friends on his day.... oh, that's, ok. I get it now. That's why.
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I don’t know if I buy that. I think people simply like hiding behind a screen for many interactions these days - including dating.
Not that Im against your idea but maybe just the 90% part seems inflated.
Perhaps, but we would need to put the idea in practice to determine what's the cause/effect relationship here.
Are people more addicted to their screens because the real world became hostile, or is the real world becoming hostile because people are glued to their screens?
I'd bet on the first option, but I could be wrong.
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I don’t know if I buy that. I think people simply like hiding behind a screen for many interactions these days - including dating.
Not that Im against your idea but maybe just the 90% part seems inflated.
I love my screen time but if there was free ping pong somewhere outside or something I'd go there a lot. Same for rock climbing, board game spaces... I'd get out for a lot. Screen time is a cheap substitute for this real stuff.
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You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options?
You'd be surprised..... My wife is in a professional dance company full of single ladies ranging in age from 20s to late 30's. Most of them are on the struggle bus when it comes to finding a decent partner who isn't a lazy bum or a rampant misogynist.
Tbh most of the dudes in long term relationships with the dancers are just regular everyday dudes. Imo the bar is pretty low nowadays considering that like 1/3 of dudes have been brain poisoned by Joe Rogan/Jordan Peterson.
Honestly, some of the women I see have profiles that are basically demanding an incredible amount of labor from their potential partners.
No coffee dates, no walks. They want something planned out multiple days a week and in exchange they'll put up with you grunting on top of them.
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Why are you expecting conversations to be otherworldly?
How many conversations in real life with people you like start with something akin to "hey"? I'm gunna bet most but I suppose I could be wrong.
I would expect something else then one word if you select the Dating platform where the big difference is that you have to write first as a women. It seems odd to me.
But probably tinder or the other dating platforms are just (as) shitty and it didn't have any deeper thought about joining bumble.
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I'd be interested on the server as well, depending on if you guys play around evening time in my timezone (GMT).
Here you go\2
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I’d be interested in the server. Why are you making the joke? It’s okay to be single.
The joke is well we are pretty much the same, but complain about not being able to find partners. Reality: because we don't want to. Lemmy users are not so different from Reddit users.
