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His conditions for sex required a condom. When she removed it, she lost consent.
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
That's exactly what Julian Assange did, and half the internet defends the shit out of him.
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Totally understand. I just felt like I couldn't trust her even if she said no or yes, and I don't believe she would've taken a pregancy test. She also kept holding me up on dates for about 4 weeks after what she said, then I told her I wanted to break up. She still was trying to get back with me but I was intentionally screwing things up to get her to leave. I was really scared of her after that moment, which is why I tried to seek external help from that coworker. My mind was looking for an escape at that time because I was thinking about suicide. It's a very terrible situation and I hope you can understand where I was at the time. (Still not okay, but I just couldn't handle the stress)
Like I said, you are nta in the situation. She put you in a horrible, life threatening situation. You acted out of fear and you did no harm. I just think it's important to recognize the harm that could have been done. Consider it a lesson learned and an opportunity to move forward as a wiser, and perhaps stronger person. Sending you love.
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You both sound like complete assholes her behavior is completely inappropriate as is your "citizenship" nonsense to "avoid child support" is also completely toxic.
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She raped you and then joked about exploiting you and a child for money.
NTA
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That's not your gut telling you something is wrong. That is your reason, your logic telling you something is wrong, because something IS wrong.
Forcing unprotected sex on someone is rape. Putting it in context with the age gap, it's predatory as hell.
If this is real, you did the right thing. Learn from this experience.
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That's exactly what Julian Assange did, and half the internet defends the shit out of him.
Maybe? I don't know about that. Not sure how it's relevant here.
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She raped you and then joked about exploiting you and a child for money.
NTA
Please stop trivializing rape. This was not rape. Yeah, some type of sexual assault as she took the condom off without permission, but rape is a whole lot worse than what was described here.
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Please stop trivializing rape. This was not rape. Yeah, some type of sexual assault as she took the condom off without permission, but rape is a whole lot worse than what was described here.
There are various forms of sexual assault but they violated his consent and then continued to engage in a sexual activity. that's rape.
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Maybe? I don't know about that. Not sure how it's relevant here.
I mean, you asked
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
and I pointed out an example of a man who did that and yet is regularly defended, so it appears a lot of people have no problem with that at all
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I mean, you asked
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
and I pointed out an example of a man who did that and yet is regularly defended, so it appears a lot of people have no problem with that at all
wrote last edited by [email protected]Yeah, I get how it's related, but what you said doesn't answer the question, and at any given time on any given topic, half the Internet is just stupid and wrong, so, that doesn't actually mean anything at all.
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Holy shit. Neither of you are ready for a real relationship.
She is a toxic dirtbag and you need to learn to love yourself more than the person with whom you are in a relationship.
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That's exactly what Julian Assange did, and half the internet defends the shit out of him.
Half the internet can be wrong.
The question was, would you defend that?
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His conditions for sex required a condom. When she removed it, she lost consent.
Would you feel differently about it if a man secretly removed his own condom and put his load in an unknowing woman?
It is wrong, I don’t dispute that; but believe calling that rape is mocking actual sexual abuse. The used condom is an object, you could burn it and it wouldn’t harm the guy in any way.
Yes, she could force pregnancy, but that’s also not rape, but a different crime. Calling any bad behavior related to sex “rape” is doing a disservice to people who were actually raped.
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Half the internet can be wrong.
The question was, would you defend that?
Of course not
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Holy shit. Neither of you are ready for a real relationship.
She is a toxic dirtbag and you need to learn to love yourself more than the person with whom you are in a relationship.
wrote last edited by [email protected]If I didn't love myself, I would've stayed in this relationship. She was not my source of happiness. I learned to let go of her, even if that meant losing my first potential girlfriend.
I believe I am ready for a real relationship, just not with her. It was complete mental torture.
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It is wrong, I don’t dispute that; but believe calling that rape is mocking actual sexual abuse. The used condom is an object, you could burn it and it wouldn’t harm the guy in any way.
Yes, she could force pregnancy, but that’s also not rape, but a different crime. Calling any bad behavior related to sex “rape” is doing a disservice to people who were actually raped.
The used condom is an object, you could burn it and it wouldn’t harm the guy in any way.
I did not claim that the condom was the victim in any way. I also have no problem with burning used condoms. Kinda weird, but I'm not here to kink shame.
And, having sex without a condom COULD harm the guy. He could pick up an STD in addition to being responsible for an unintended pregnancy.
When someone says yes to protected sex, that means that they have said NO to unprotected sex, until they explicitly say otherwise. Sex without consent is rape.
Calling any bad behavior related to sex “rape” is doing a disservice to people who were actually raped.
And I would argue that you are doing THESE people who WERE actually raped a larger disservice by saying they weren't raped enough to deserve the right to say that they were raped.
Do we really need people gatekeeping rape?
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Yeah. I like the concept, but half of the ones I saw on Reddit were obviously bullshit written by teenagers who think that real life plays out like movies.
That's completely understandable, and a valid concern. I could potentially think of a solution to rat out the creative writers and BS'ing teenagers (or AI slop).
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Please stop trivializing rape. This was not rape. Yeah, some type of sexual assault as she took the condom off without permission, but rape is a whole lot worse than what was described here.
I would say to you stop trivializing a woman's actions that everyone would consider rape if the genders swapped
If he was the one who slipped off the condom secretly, would you not consider that rape?
Regardless, OP is immature and has a lot of growing to do, and she took advantage of that in a number of ways. I feel for this kid. Terrible situation to be dragged through
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Everyone sucks here.
she took off my condom without permission
Removing a condom without consent during sex is sexual assault. You're absolutely right to break off a relationship or go no-contact for this. In many jurisdictions, you could press criminal charges.
I even called an old coworker to ask if she had her citizenship because I was trying to avoid child support.
That's not OK even if you're very scared.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I understand, but I was suicidal, and I wanted it to end so badly, I was in such a terrible mental state.
She would not want to talk, I would ask her out for lunch, she would cancel. I would try to call her, she would hang up. Texting her about it, well, I would be writing my own death sentence it felt like.
She made it scary to even confront her about it, because I felt like she would break up if I asked. I was terrified, I wanted the pain to end. I just completely broke down and I hope you can understand where I was coming from. Still, not okay, but it was just such a terrible situation.
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If I didn't love myself, I would've stayed in this relationship. She was not my source of happiness. I learned to let go of her, even if that meant losing my first potential girlfriend.
I believe I am ready for a real relationship, just not with her. It was complete mental torture.
There are so many examples in your post where you place her above you and she is not equal in that return.
It is challenging, especially when you think of things like, "Love means sacrifice, or hard work." And those statements are not wrong, but they are also easy mechanisms your brain uses to justify why you let someone shit on you.
I am coming from a marriage of 20 years and after getting therapy, finally realizing just how I much I enabled the treatment I received.
Sex is such a strong urge too, ESPECIALLY at 20. That and fear of loneliness.
I've got something that is worse though. 20 years I will never get back because I convinced myself if I just kept loving her, she would eventually love me back the same. That I just need to be strong and the sacrifice is worth it. Now I don't even really know who I am anymore.
You got this in a short dating period.
I am not red pilling or any of that other chauvinistic bullshit because this applies to both partners.
Almost every single example you presented was reason enough, on its own, to leave her.
But you twisted yourself into thinking there's no way this is what it is. You must not be seeing it right, there must be some justification for her behavior. It must not be a big deal, or you are "over reacting".
That can be anywhere from poor self esteem to just putting your partner on a pedestal.
If your partner does something that makes you think, "I could/would never consider doing that.", in a bad way, it is most likely not an equal or healthy relationship.
(This mostly applies to how they interact with you and others.)You are NTA, you just need to respect your own boundaries, even when it hurts.
