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https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/types-of-sexual-violence/what-is-stealthing/
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/condom-removed-during-sex-stealthing-b2562031.html
https://reeds.co.uk/insights/stealthing-and-conditional-consent/
By both a legal and moral definition, removing a condom, or sabotaging a condom without informed consent of your partner (whether it's the male or female doing it) is committing an act of rape, regardless of any physical harm or consequences which may or may not result.
Thanks for the assist!
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AITA for breaking up
No.
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Please stop trivializing rape. This was not rape. Yeah, some type of sexual assault as she took the condom off without permission, but rape is a whole lot worse than what was described here.
What is stealthing?
So-called 'stealthing' is a form of rape. It happens when people agree to have sex with a condom and then someone either lies about putting a condom on or removes it without the other person's permission.
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Everyone sucks here.
she took off my condom without permission
Removing a condom without consent during sex is sexual assault. You're absolutely right to break off a relationship or go no-contact for this. In many jurisdictions, you could press criminal charges.
I even called an old coworker to ask if she had her citizenship because I was trying to avoid child support.
That's not OK even if you're very scared.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Your comment addressed everything I wanted to. You’re spot on.
He was definitely raped by her physically (condom removal) and mentally (sexually controlling, baby leverage).
He was wrong for asking about citizenship. That’s a fucked up level to go to for her actions, however vile. It’s pretty racist in my opinion because he wouldn’t ask that if she were White.
My verdict is he’s an asshole for the end part, but not for breaking it off.
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Your comment addressed everything I wanted to. You’re spot on.
He was definitely raped by her physically (condom removal) and mentally (sexually controlling, baby leverage).
He was wrong for asking about citizenship. That’s a fucked up level to go to for her actions, however vile. It’s pretty racist in my opinion because he wouldn’t ask that if she were White.
My verdict is he’s an asshole for the end part, but not for breaking it off.
wrote last edited by [email protected]She said she was from another country and she moved here years ago, that is why I asked. I understand, it's completely fucked up, I was super stressed out at the time. I never would've involved ICE. If you look at my previous comment, I explained that I wanted to know if she had it just so I can say in case she tried taking me to court I'd tell her to take a DNA test (still fucked up, but this is where my mind was at the time).
I was very sorry after it, and her and I were cool for a bit until I just broke things off myself, for my self-respect and for hers. I also wanted to break up because I was scared about the baby thing and wanted to wait it out to see if she was actually pregnant or not (she kept holding me up for 2 months straight). It was my only way of knowing, I don't have social media, and I didn't have hers.
I've talked to two other coworkers here about the whole situation (both Latino) and they agree that she was a nutcase. They did not blame me for the way I reacted. (Still, not okay of course)
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What is stealthing?
So-called 'stealthing' is a form of rape. It happens when people agree to have sex with a condom and then someone either lies about putting a condom on or removes it without the other person's permission.
From OPs story it sounds like she took it off and that was the end of it - no “stealthing”.
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Your comment addressed everything I wanted to. You’re spot on.
He was definitely raped by her physically (condom removal) and mentally (sexually controlling, baby leverage).
He was wrong for asking about citizenship. That’s a fucked up level to go to for her actions, however vile. It’s pretty racist in my opinion because he wouldn’t ask that if she were White.
My verdict is he’s an asshole for the end part, but not for breaking it off.
Removing a condom alone isn’t rape. From OPs story they didn’t continue having sex after she took it off without his permission, so there is no rape.
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Removing a condom alone isn’t rape. From OPs story they didn’t continue having sex after she took it off without his permission, so there is no rape.
We did continue having sex. I was drunk when she took it off.
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We did continue having sex. I was drunk when she took it off.
Was she drunk too? And you knew she took it off and chose to keep going?
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Was she drunk too? And you knew she took it off and chose to keep going?
She was not as drunk as I was. I was barely awake.
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wrote last edited by [email protected]I don't think anyone is an asshole for breaking up with someone - no one is owed someone staying in a relationship they hate.
Sounds like she is a garbage person that you should not date, talk to, or even acknowledge exists anymore. Go to a Dr. and get an STD panel ran.
BUT:
I even called an old coworker to ask if she had her citizenship because I was trying to avoid child support
You are an asshole for that. Be better next time. Learn from this, if a relationship feels this bad, especially so shortly into it, dip out as directly and clearly as you can.
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Just disregarding everything, you are free to end a relationship whenever you want for any reason, period.
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I don't think anyone is an asshole for breaking up with someone - no one is owed someone staying in a relationship they hate.
Sounds like she is a garbage person that you should not date, talk to, or even acknowledge exists anymore. Go to a Dr. and get an STD panel ran.
BUT:
I even called an old coworker to ask if she had her citizenship because I was trying to avoid child support
You are an asshole for that. Be better next time. Learn from this, if a relationship feels this bad, especially so shortly into it, dip out as directly and clearly as you can.
I will be better next time, I understand how fucked up that was. It was just the stress of everything, she knew my job was thinking about firing me at a couple points, and she still decides it's okay to stress me out, especially to that level. It was just the stress of it all that was killing me. I couldn't get her to come out after that, hang ups, flaking on dates, etc. (before I called) and she was starting to really scare me. I just completely lost my mind.
