Does divorce in middle age make sense?
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
average Romanian
I have no cultural context for what a typical Romanian is and the legal system even less so. How much money could this divorce potentially cost? Could it affect your retirement?
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Looks like your wife is only staying married to you to keep up appearances. You have to decide whether that's something you want to accept. Personally I'd probably bail.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
You potentially have a lot of years ahead of you still. I mean it's not crazy to think you could have another 30 years. Plenty of time to live life. Don't spend those years in misery.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
So I'm in my 30s and from the UK so maybe not the most relevant person to get this sort of advice from.
It sounds like you're not in love anymore and have very little in common. If you have no strong reasons to stay together (financial, children, housing etc) then you could have an amicable divorce and maybe gain some more freedom to explore and enjoy yourself.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
There's no such thing as "too old for divorce".
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average Romanian
I have no cultural context for what a typical Romanian is and the legal system even less so. How much money could this divorce potentially cost? Could it affect your retirement?
The average Romanian is Christian more in a cultural than a practicing sense: celebrating Christmas and Easter, attending weddings and funerals, and going to church maybe once or twice a year for such occasions. Divorce, in our case, is straightforward: since it’s amicable, with no minor children and the division of assets already agreed upon, it can be finalized at a notary public in about 30 days. It does not affect my retirement, as I have my judge’s pension as well as my own assets, with the division of assets formalized in a notarized post-nuptial agreement.
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The average Romanian is Christian more in a cultural than a practicing sense: celebrating Christmas and Easter, attending weddings and funerals, and going to church maybe once or twice a year for such occasions. Divorce, in our case, is straightforward: since it’s amicable, with no minor children and the division of assets already agreed upon, it can be finalized at a notary public in about 30 days. It does not affect my retirement, as I have my judge’s pension as well as my own assets, with the division of assets formalized in a notarized post-nuptial agreement.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Well, then get a divorce.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
wrote last edited by [email protected]The religious thing is your primary problem. Things might be workable otherwise. Once they join the cult they are not amenable to change. Why would they? Theyve perfected themselves and are sanctioned by god. Sorry youve lost your wife to the cult, but sadly its common.
Its not really possible to have rational adult conversations with the immortals. -
I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
I would not remain married to a devout religious person myself, personally.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Just here to echo the sentiment that you're still pretty young, so if you decide that's what you want then absolutely go for it. But also I'd like to ask: I know you said the relationship cooled off, but how do you actually feel about her? Would you lose her entirely in the divorce, and would that make you sad/does that really matter (maybe not)? Just trying to get a better picture of your feelings for her and if that's shifted.
It's pretty telling that she's okay with you having "a woman on the side", that's a pretty big change if it wasn't okay before, and I wonder why that changed. Did you get any clarification on how exactly her "outlook on life has changed"?
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
I think you know your answer. You are single already. Just not for the government. Do your life.. you only have one.
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You potentially have a lot of years ahead of you still. I mean it's not crazy to think you could have another 30 years. Plenty of time to live life. Don't spend those years in misery.
Even if it's not misery per se, it's an opportunity to find a current partner who holds more interest in shared hobbies (travel e.g.) or even find such a partner while traveling! Ending the current relationship now on a good (better?) note instead of letting it fester and breed resentment is worth a lot in my opinion. Part as friends or friendly if possible.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
It sounds like the right thing for both of you is to reflect on what you are getting from being together and whether or not being together prevents you from doing things that are important to you?
It seems to me she feels she wants to still continue the marriage, but also recognises that you have different needs. Would this arrangement be good for you? If not, what would?
You still have a lot of life ahead of you, whatever you do, live it well.
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The average Romanian is Christian more in a cultural than a practicing sense: celebrating Christmas and Easter, attending weddings and funerals, and going to church maybe once or twice a year for such occasions. Divorce, in our case, is straightforward: since it’s amicable, with no minor children and the division of assets already agreed upon, it can be finalized at a notary public in about 30 days. It does not affect my retirement, as I have my judge’s pension as well as my own assets, with the division of assets formalized in a notarized post-nuptial agreement.
It sounds like you and she are ready to go, so if you’re looking for strangers to help get you over that hump, we got you. Go get your divorce, and enjoy the new possibilities.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
Time for a serious conversion with your wife (and likely counseling) if you want to try and revive things. If that doesn't work/is a non-starter then you're basically already single anyways you might as well make it official.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
I am 52 and the only thing that keeps me married is small kids. I'll have to wait for them to grow up and then I'll be divorcing her ass no matter how old I am. Don't suffer, there is no reward for it.
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I would not remain married to a devout religious person myself, personally.
Yeah, like if their entire worldview changed to something I’m not compatible with, that’s not the person I married and I would have to split. People change, and it can certainly be embraced most of the time. Some things (like extreme religious devotion) would be a bridge too far. That’s a personal decision though.
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The average Romanian is Christian more in a cultural than a practicing sense: celebrating Christmas and Easter, attending weddings and funerals, and going to church maybe once or twice a year for such occasions. Divorce, in our case, is straightforward: since it’s amicable, with no minor children and the division of assets already agreed upon, it can be finalized at a notary public in about 30 days. It does not affect my retirement, as I have my judge’s pension as well as my own assets, with the division of assets formalized in a notarized post-nuptial agreement.
Yeah the work’s already done, just push the button. Who cares what your family says.
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I’m a 56-year-old man, married since 1992. Our marriage was good until 2019, when I retired. That’s when our relationship began to cool off. During the pandemic, my wife became very religious (before that, we were both just cultural Christians, like the average Romanian). She started fasting regularly (which means no sex), going to church constantly, and developing a more close-minded attitude. After pandemic restrictions eased, I started traveling since I have a lot of free time. She joined me twice, but after that I traveled alone or with friends and family. I still feel young and energetic, while she seems to have aged decades in just six years, both mentally and physically. Our lifestyles have drifted apart completely, and we’re de facto no longer a couple. I’ve been thinking about divorce a lot lately, but my family keeps telling me: “If you wanted to divorce, you should’ve done it when you were 30 or 40. What’s the point now?” I’ve tried discussing things with my wife multiple times, and she has even told me directly that I’m free to have other women on the side since her “outlook on life has changed.” At this point, I feel like she’s one step away from becoming a nun.
There is no age at which it's ok to stay in a relationship that makes you miserable. One can fix it or leave it. By the sounds of it, you seem to believe yours is beyond repair. And there is also no age that is too old to experience new love again.
A good friend of mine, about your age, was in a somewhat similar situation minus the religious element. He held as long as possible, until their children were out of the house, at which point there was no glue between them anymore and he filed for divorce. That was a year ago. This summer I met his new partner, and he's the happiest I have seen him in a while.
That being said, I also have examples of divorced men who aren't as lucky relationship-wise. Some of them are ok with it, others not so much. I am not saying this to agree with your family, I just don't want to give the impression I am looking at this with rose tinted glasses. It's always easy for strangers to give advice, but when actually faced with the situation, it's another dilemma entirely.
Ultimately, whether it's leaving or staying, you do whatever is best for you. I sincerely hope you can figure it out for yourself, with honesty, and without external pressures.
