Am I a dick if I don't want to meet an old friend for coffee if she brings her babies along?
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No. You are not a dick.
Your colleague is.
Your are always allowed to exercise your right to say no, to things you don’t like to do.How is she a dick for having two children???
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An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.
She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.
I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.
AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?
Just tell her you don't want to meet up and why. Save her the headache of thinking you're even remotely interested in being her friend.
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She's handling two kids under five years old?
You're not 'showing up for coffee' you're providing a needed mental health break.
Exactly this. People will have kids then expect other people to help out because "it takes a village". Fuck that, figure out who's willing to be in your village, THEN have kids.
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Because friendships as parents are essentially just that, you have limited time to out into friends so you have to be selective.
but you're not going to live with them. you don't have to abandon an old acquaintance just because they have kids and you are not interested in the kids.. it's not like they are physically attached to them inseparably.
if they can put the kids to the grandparents or the SO can be with them, then why not accept the offer? and if not, like here, just politely decline if you really don't want to deal with the situation. but you don't have to alienate yourself at all costs because they have kids.
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You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)
It's not the "doesn't like kids" aspect that makes them the asshole. Hell, I don't like kids. It's the "I'm competing for that person's 100% attention" when I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.
You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)
well its fortunate if all the kid needs is an occasional wipe
I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.
honestly I did not see it as if OP were pretending to be some kind of a higher level individual.
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You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)
It's not the "doesn't like kids" aspect that makes them the asshole. Hell, I don't like kids. It's the "I'm competing for that person's 100% attention" when I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.
You realize that most functional adults have the ability to focus on more than one person at a time right? Just because mom is taking a moment to wipe some spit off of babies face doesn't mean she's not listening to the person on the other side of the table. And the idea of that seems to be exactly the OP's deal (and yours, apparently)
well its fortunate if all the kid needs is an occasional wipe
I "grace them with my presence" mentality of the post that makes them the asshole.
honestly I did not see it as if OP were pretending to be some kind of a higher level individual.
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but you're not going to live with them. you don't have to abandon an old acquaintance just because they have kids and you are not interested in the kids.. it's not like they are physically attached to them inseparably.
if they can put the kids to the grandparents or the SO can be with them, then why not accept the offer? and if not, like here, just politely decline if you really don't want to deal with the situation. but you don't have to alienate yourself at all costs because they have kids.
It's not about that one acquaintance, it's about the time allocation for friends. If someone isn't going to be able to handle my kids, I'm not going to be able to spend enough time with them to make spending time with them valuable to both of us.
I don't get someone to cover my kids every week, it's going to only happen maybe once a month, so I'm going to use that valuable time to invest in the people I'm maintaining closer friendships with.
Having 20 friends you see rarely doesn't make you happier than having 4 friends you see regularly. If you're single, you can have 20 friends that you see regularly, but that's almost impossible as a parent with multiple kids.
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tldr: you are the asshole if you don't want to meet. people with young kids need you, they deserve meeting with you! look how lonely they are, you cannot just decline!
You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
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Exactly this. People will have kids then expect other people to help out because "it takes a village". Fuck that, figure out who's willing to be in your village, THEN have kids.
I'm having a hard time understanding how self centered some people are. You can be uncomfortable with their kids and still enjoy their company.
I don't know a single parent who "figures out their village" before having kids. If anything, having kids sheds the selfish dipshits like you.
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I'm having a hard time understanding how self centered some people are. You can be uncomfortable with their kids and still enjoy their company.
I don't know a single parent who "figures out their village" before having kids. If anything, having kids sheds the selfish dipshits like you.
You don't know anyone who figures out their village before having kids...but childfree people are the selfish ones. Yeah, that makes sense.
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Wow, a lot of salty parents in this thread
Not even a parent, just have friends who are and empathise with their situation.
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You don't know anyone who figures out their village before having kids...but childfree people are the selfish ones. Yeah, that makes sense.
Childfree people aren't selfish. People who hate children for existing are though. No one is forcing you to have kids. False victim hood bullshit.
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Childfree people aren't selfish. People who hate children for existing are though. No one is forcing you to have kids. False victim hood bullshit.
Never said I hated children, but keep pushing your false narrative to feel good about yourself.
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Never said I hated children, but keep pushing your false narrative to feel good about yourself.
Finding a village first implies you are not part of the village. Yah probably hate kids lol.
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An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.
She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.
I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.
AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?
She's gonna think you're an asshole. Who cares what we think?
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You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
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You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
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You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
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You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
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Yes you’re the AH.
I'm pretty sure there is a rule on the internet that if someone starts with this, at least the person saying it is an AH.
That’s not a friend.
that's quite obvious, mr entitled parent, they are acquintances. facebook has destroyed people's vocabulary.
Why not just say no.
because why not be in touch with old classmates or colleagues sometimes? you don't have to decline just because they are not a friend! and people say it's me who is "anti-social"
Also, why mention baby daddies?
wat?
This is hilarious, you're so dumb.
