Am I a dick if I don't want to meet an old friend for coffee if she brings her babies along?
-
An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.
She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.
I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.
AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?
She's gonna think you're an asshole. Who cares what we think?
-
You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
-
You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
-
You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
-
You are not entitled to anybody else's time.
that's the same thing I attempted to say
-
Yes you’re the AH.
I'm pretty sure there is a rule on the internet that if someone starts with this, at least the person saying it is an AH.
That’s not a friend.
that's quite obvious, mr entitled parent, they are acquintances. facebook has destroyed people's vocabulary.
Why not just say no.
because why not be in touch with old classmates or colleagues sometimes? you don't have to decline just because they are not a friend! and people say it's me who is "anti-social"
Also, why mention baby daddies?
wat?
This is hilarious, you're so dumb.
-
who said this is a competition? this makes no sense. respect is not a one way street. if the parent can't pay attention to the person they wanted to meet with, that's not quite respectful. your initial comment indicates clearly that OP does not deserve attention and respect in your opinion, and that it is only OP (who was given the offer) who must pay attention to their partner
who said this is a competition? this makes no sense
OP made it a competition. They haven't even arrived, they don't even know the kids in question, but they're already calculating whether they will siphon off attention away from them. That screams immaturity to me.
your initial comment indicates clearly that OP does not deserve attention and respect in your opinion
My comment says nothing of the sort, and i am sorry if it can be interpreted that way.
Let me rephrase it : OP sounds super high-maintenance. If i am meeting with another adult, it's not to baby-sit them. It's not to always be wondering whether i am giving them enough affirmation, or whether they are getting agitated because they feel i'm not focused 100% on them. That's what kids are for.
That is not to say you should meet with someone and completely ignore them. But when adults meet, there's this tacit understanding that everybody's got their own shit going on, and there may be the odd interruption or the occasional shift of focus. Your work phone may ring. A kid may get hurt and need a hug. Hell, maybe someone from your Minecraft group hits you up on Discord for some urgent topic. I don't give a shit, i'm not the center of the universe, and i can look at my phone for 10 minutes while you get your stuff out of the way. Apparently OP is wildly unprepared for this kind of completely normal and benign situation.
-
IMO, it reads more like "I haven't been properly socialized, I'm mostly a hermit, and I get easily overstimulated with regular human interaction and experiences" so I tried being kind because OP is certainly afflicted with the tisms. I mean, just posting this thread showed us OP is far away from regular humanity...
I get where you're coming from but it sounds like a cop-out to me. The OP reads more like "I can't handle frustration and not being the center of attention" than "i'm neuro-divergent".
But of course that's just interpretation from a few lines of text so...
-
who said this is a competition? this makes no sense
OP made it a competition. They haven't even arrived, they don't even know the kids in question, but they're already calculating whether they will siphon off attention away from them. That screams immaturity to me.
your initial comment indicates clearly that OP does not deserve attention and respect in your opinion
My comment says nothing of the sort, and i am sorry if it can be interpreted that way.
Let me rephrase it : OP sounds super high-maintenance. If i am meeting with another adult, it's not to baby-sit them. It's not to always be wondering whether i am giving them enough affirmation, or whether they are getting agitated because they feel i'm not focused 100% on them. That's what kids are for.
That is not to say you should meet with someone and completely ignore them. But when adults meet, there's this tacit understanding that everybody's got their own shit going on, and there may be the odd interruption or the occasional shift of focus. Your work phone may ring. A kid may get hurt and need a hug. Hell, maybe someone from your Minecraft group hits you up on Discord for some urgent topic. I don't give a shit, i'm not the center of the universe, and i can look at my phone for 10 minutes while you get your stuff out of the way. Apparently OP is wildly unprepared for this kind of completely normal and benign situation.
Let me rephrase it : OP sounds super high-maintenance. If i am meeting with another adult, it's not to baby-sit them. It's not to always be wondering whether i am giving them enough affirmation, or whether they are getting agitated because they feel i'm not focused 100% on them.
I don't think OP's problem is the lack of affirmation. I think their concern is somewhat similar to the meeting partner starting to browse social media on their phone, but here not because of bordedom or addiction but because the children needs attention, which is just how children work naturally, with varying frequency. and so, I think it's not about whether the partner actively participates, but whether they are listening or if they are distracted so you are basically talking to a wall.
but you know what, I realized that I don't have enough information to know what OP thinks, and maybe I'm just trying to put into words how I see it.
That is not to say you should meet with someone and completely ignore them. But when adults meet, there's this tacit understanding that everybody's got their own shit going on, and there may be the odd interruption or the occasional shift of focus. Your work phone may ring. A kid may get hurt and need a hug. Hell, maybe someone from your Minecraft group hits you up on Discord for some urgent topic. I don't give a shit, i'm not the center of the universe, and i can look at my phone for 10 minutes while you get your stuff out of the way.
hmm I see. I think these are fine, shit happens, and these don't have a very high probability of happening either anyway. but (without much experience) I feel that with 2 very young kids as in OP's situation, the distractions could easily be frequent, and that is why I think he is right to decline the offer
-
An old friend/aquaintance I've not spoken to in a few years popped up recently and we got chatting a little over text. In the few years since we spoke she's had two babies by two different guys. They're ~6 months and ~2-3 years.
She said that we should get coffee and catch up properly, and I was sort of down, although I'm not really that enthusiastic about catching up with someone I've frankly not thought about in a few years. But hey, it's something to do, and it might be interesting. So I suggested a coffee shop near her and asked if she'd be able to get time away from the kids, but she said that no, she'd have to bring the kids along.
I don't want to be a dick but I'm really not interested in sitting in a coffee shop with two babies. They're mostly just going to be the focus of the occasion because they need constant attention, and I don't really like kids in general. And, if they cry or act up and attract attention I will hate that.
AITA? How do I tell her I'm really not interested in sitting with her babies for an afternoon?
I don’t know you so these words aren’t meant to be hurtful, but I wouldn’t want to be your friend.
It sounds like you have nothing in common and aren’t actually interested in their life or you’d be interested in the kids.
The best part is you suggested the coffee shop lol.
Honestly just learn to say no if you don’t want to do something. It might be awkward but it’ll save embarrassment, wasted time and maybe even hurt in the end.
