Would it be a bad idea to let our son’s girlfriend live with us?
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I would set up a rental agreement even if it’s $5/mo.
Max 2 years till she is 18 is $220 extra.
Is that really worth not giving them the kindness of simply not involving money in this?
What if they said no, because they fear that if you jump to this from the go you might capitalise on other things in the future? Regardless of amount it shows greed. Explain that to son.
What would be more fair ( and protecting more then $220 of your own pocket ) is setting boundaries.
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Only during school weeks, weekends she goes home.
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You will not pay for any medical costs.
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The teenager in me sooo wants you to do it...
The adult in me however...
It's a bit strange that it's the parents asking. Maybe their daughter asked them to ask you; if not... well... why? It's not enough to say it's good for her commute unless it's more than 1.5 hours. I immediately suspect that money is involved somehow, maybe like others have said, and yourself in your post, they're having money issues and would rather someone else take care of her. Is it something you can easily afford?
Most importantly, do they practice safe sex? Does she have birth control or preferably in IUD? Does your son have condoms? Maybe they're pulling some feudal shit and told her to get pregnant. God, I hope not but I wouldn't be surprised.
I would sit down and talk with both of them about this. Maybe as a condition of her staying she has to have an IUD. 16 is the minimum and it is questionable to even ask that of someone in the first place but if they agree then you know they're not counting on her getting pregnant. *Also would be a tenuous conversation considering how fickle North Americans are about sex.
Well, hopefully it was the daughter that asked her parents to ask you, then well, I still don't know lol.
I’m very open with my son, man-to-man. We talk about sex without awkwardness. He always has condoms in his room & condoms in his backpack/wallet at my recommendation (never know when the heat of the moment hits & better safe than sorry). I taught him to take control of his own contraception (not be like oh girlfriend says she’s on the pill so I won’t use condoms). So I know safe sex is practiced. And when it comes to money, that’s not an issue, we’re comfortable.
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Our son is 17, and his girlfriend is 16. They’ve been dating for a year and have been friends for two years. They’re in the same high school class. The girlfriend comes from a poorer family and lives in the countryside, so her commute to school in the city is quite long. We live in the city. With the start of the new school year, her parents asked my wife and me if she could move in with us, since it would save her time. Our son and his girlfriend have a good relationship, and she already sleeps over fairly often. Naturally, our son and his girlfriend are both excited about the idea. We told them we’d think about it.
All my instincts yell NOOOO from the depths of my soul.
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Max 2 years till she is 18 is $220 extra.
Is that really worth not giving them the kindness of simply not involving money in this?
What if they said no, because they fear that if you jump to this from the go you might capitalise on other things in the future? Regardless of amount it shows greed. Explain that to son.
What would be more fair ( and protecting more then $220 of your own pocket ) is setting boundaries.
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Only during school weeks, weekends she goes home.
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You will not pay for any medical costs.
The $ amount isn’t for income, it’s to create a legal contract and establish them as a renter.
Additionally I would look at the home owners insurance and see if it covers this sort of situation.
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Our son is 17, and his girlfriend is 16. They’ve been dating for a year and have been friends for two years. They’re in the same high school class. The girlfriend comes from a poorer family and lives in the countryside, so her commute to school in the city is quite long. We live in the city. With the start of the new school year, her parents asked my wife and me if she could move in with us, since it would save her time. Our son and his girlfriend have a good relationship, and she already sleeps over fairly often. Naturally, our son and his girlfriend are both excited about the idea. We told them we’d think about it.
OP,
If you want to show this kindness you should.
The people discouraging you not to seem to think you will jump in blind, but if you keep your head level this is totally doable.
Speak with the mom, visit her house to learn more about the people you are helping. I agree with the people who assume its about more then distance.
Set boundaries, for example return home
In the weekends/vacation. Things you will/wont provide.
Get those Boundaries formalised on paper.Contemplate what you would do if the lovers start fighting, possibly break up. Personally i think If she was still allowed to stay it would be valuable lessen on how to mend after a fight for both. After all people who are married still fight on occasion.
If done properly this could be a gift towards all involved parties.
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The $ amount isn’t for income, it’s to create a legal contract and establish them as a renter.
Additionally I would look at the home owners insurance and see if it covers this sort of situation.
Ok, thats actually something i never considered, it’s a symbolic amount to get legal protection.
i can see how some laws require stuff like this. Sorry to have misjudged the intent of your suggestion.
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Our son is 17, and his girlfriend is 16. They’ve been dating for a year and have been friends for two years. They’re in the same high school class. The girlfriend comes from a poorer family and lives in the countryside, so her commute to school in the city is quite long. We live in the city. With the start of the new school year, her parents asked my wife and me if she could move in with us, since it would save her time. Our son and his girlfriend have a good relationship, and she already sleeps over fairly often. Naturally, our son and his girlfriend are both excited about the idea. We told them we’d think about it.
Probably it is a bad idea. But life is nothing but choices either good or bad we have to learn live with.
My first concern is the birth control. And what happens if it fails.
There are other good ideas in the thread: to charge a token amount of rent with a rental agreement. You have to have a way of legally remove an unwanted guest.
Probably having some strict rules put in writing for her - even if she is a real angel - would help also in the long run.
Most people won't spend their life wih their high school sweetheart. This is a very strong thing you have to able to defend both kids from. They need the freedom of the ability to break up without putting any one in an awkward situation. The convenience should not lock the girl into a situation that she could have been better out of. Or the boy would feel guilt so he wouldn't break up with her, so she won't turn "homeless". You can never know.
Maybe getting her a student apartment somewhere else would be a way better option. Maybe there are goverment or student grants for her to apply?
