Have a Child or Buy a Horse?
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
it's 2025 and the fucking world is on fire, don't have a fucking child unless you want your offspring to suffer
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Prioritize survival, life is going to get increasingly difficult from here on out.
Right. Get kids cause they can dig trenches.
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
If you are questioning whether or not to become a parent, then you should not become a parent. This is something that you should be 100% on-board with, not something you are unsure.
Fwiw, I'm childfree and have absolutely zero regrets. If anything, life and world events since I fully committed to my decision (i.e. surgery) have reinforced my choice.
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Does your partner want a horse, or is it just you?
Also, same question, but with the baby.
How are you both this ambivalent about having a child in 2025??
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
wrote last edited by [email protected]Well you can sell the horse, you can't sell the child... And you probably will sell the horse.
How far do you live next to the place you would board it?
I lived next to a place that sells, trains and boards horses and their bread and butter is people who don't have land and have never owned a horse. The turnover rate is incredibly high, they had one horse that changed hands 5 times haha and it was a perfect horse in my opinion.
Just pay for riding lessons, you could get like an infinite amount of them for the full cost of modern horse ownership.
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
Just buy it yourself. Don't make a kid do it.
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it's 2025 and the fucking world is on fire, don't have a fucking child unless you want your offspring to suffer
If no one who cares has children, only the worst people will raise children. Not to say you have to have children, but don't tell people not to have kids just because the world is burning
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
I feel like you shouldn't be solely relying on other people's opinions for important life decisions.
Because the thing is: You ask the internet and 99% will tell you "don't have a child", you ask friends and relatives IRL and they 90% will say "yes have a child", but like... you won't end up living your own life, you are just walking down a path someone else chose for you
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
Unless you have unlimited wealth I wouldn't go with a horse unless you can board it yourself. Otherwise you're just leasing and will miss out on most of the bonding that makes up a large part of the horse relationship. It's all the cost and then some for a third of the reward.
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If you are questioning whether or not to become a parent, then you should not become a parent. This is something that you should be 100% on-board with, not something you are unsure.
Fwiw, I'm childfree and have absolutely zero regrets. If anything, life and world events since I fully committed to my decision (i.e. surgery) have reinforced my choice.
I agree that OP doesn't seem that enthusiastic, but questioning whether or not you're 100% on-board with having a child is something every parent should do.
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House you gain money, kid you lose money. A lot of money.
There's more to life than gaining money.
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I feel like you shouldn't be solely relying on other people's opinions for important life decisions.
Because the thing is: You ask the internet and 99% will tell you "don't have a child", you ask friends and relatives IRL and they 90% will say "yes have a child", but like... you won't end up living your own life, you are just walking down a path someone else chose for you
They're not necessarily solely relying on other peoples opinions, just interested in other peoples perspectives.
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
Another option is to adopt a kid who's like >12 who you can set up a good future for without having to spend as much money or 18 years.
A lot of the kids in foster care go homeless when they turn 18, and you could prevent that for someone
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
wrote last edited by [email protected]HORSE! HORSE! HORSE!
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Right. Get kids cause they can dig trenches.
The children yearn for the mines
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
wrote last edited by [email protected]I'd add the stuff only people with kids understand to the "pros" list. The standard model human is biologically wired to find the experience rewarding, while you may or may not like horses as much as you think you would.
Is freezing eggs and getting the horse first an option? You can, indeed, sell it and try again later.
The actual choice is subjective, so I'll echo that you shouldn't let Lemmy decide for you. A lot of people are projecting their own preferences here. Or your partner for that matter.
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If you are questioning whether or not to become a parent, then you should not become a parent. This is something that you should be 100% on-board with, not something you are unsure.
Fwiw, I'm childfree and have absolutely zero regrets. If anything, life and world events since I fully committed to my decision (i.e. surgery) have reinforced my choice.
Doing it if you're not sure at all sure seems like a bad idea, but can you ever be that sure about something you haven't tried?
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House you gain money
*Horse. Don't think she'll gain money with it, unless it'll become like a price-winning race horse or something.
OP read the title wrong and then immediately commented, lol.
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Serious question. Im new to posting, so if Im doing this wrong please let me know
I am in my 30s and the door is closing on the potential to have a child, which my partner and I do want. The only problem is finances. We live quite alright at the moment. My career is finally feeling like a career, but my research has shown that whichever parent stays home with kiddo (and one of us would, daycare costs suck) ends up with a nerfed career should they try to return to work after the kid is school aged. And 100% we'd want to be able to pay someone to help here and there. Just dealing with home repair, older vehicles, and no parents who live close means we definitely would need a break here and there... and it would be nice to be able to afford that to have a date night here and there. Add to that all the scaries of pregnancy (potential death, permanant incontinence risk, changed body, list goes on) and the world we're currently in and... you get it.
On the flip side. Tons of folks are childfree, so there wouldn't be any shortage of people willing to travel and stay up late on weekends alongside us. We could prioritize fun, including... drum roll please... my lifelong dream of having a horse. We don't own land, so costs would go to a boarding facility, a vehicle that can tow a trailer, and care/training for the beast. Id never have tk wonder if I have enough time and money to care for both a kiddo and a horse.
Now, I get that this may read like I've already made up my mind. I love the idea of having a child, sharing the world with them, watching them grow into their own person. My partner would be a stable and fantastic parent. But the cons against it feel real. Can I ask for opinions? I am particularly interested in the pro-child ones. Thanks!
Tldr: pros and cons of having kid vs horse seem unfairly stacked. Help lmao.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your replies! I enjoyed reading them. I think a few people took the question too literally and/or believed I would really base such a huge decision on the opinion of internet strangers. That is not true. I did appreciate all the perspectives, however. The horse I refer to would be a real horse, but it also refers to all the other things in life a child free existence has brought those who live that lifestyle.
Barring extreme circumstances, we actually already have decided to have children. I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL DECISION. Each individual must decide for themselves what seems best for them personally. Our friend group is incredibly child free for various reasons, all of which are good reasons that I respect and Im happy for them that they are resolute in their choices. All are lovely around kids. They just knew or decided parenthood wasn't what they wanted for themselves, and that's ok.
Just for funsies - Reasons I'm Ambivalent about the Horse:
Without owning land for a horse, boarding sucks and there are always other options. I have connections to take a riding lesson here or there if the horsey itch ever arose, for instance. It is much cheaper to volunteer and take lessons or lease a horse. That and, yes, the horse care never ends and it remains a horse. I've been to rescues where amazing horses are surrendered without a second thought because they became too old or ill to ride, and the owner didn't want an animal around costing money they couldn't ride. Sad. Meanwhile, a child will learn, grow, and eventually become a full fledged human being if all goes well.
I know the world looks like its headed in a terrible direction sometimes, but I also believe it's good to have people who care to have children that they want to raise as good and caring individuals. Biology tells us (or society does) to have kids and so we do, but I also think no one should have a child if they aren't ready to care for them. So many kids are born to parents who end up ill equipped to have them. Regret is frowned upon in parenting circles, but absolutely exists. Our children will never be saddled with such burdens. To piggyback onto this...
I do disagree with those who say if youre questioning whether to have kids, don't have them. Questioning is a great way to consider new angles and ways of thinking you might not have bothered examining before.
We have twins, they're nearly 2.
IDK about the career angle. Would taking a year or 2 off in your thirties meaningfully effect your trajectory? You and your partner could alternate, you take a few years off, then he does. Or you could both go part time. Are there other ways you can stay connected to your industry? Additional study?
Statistically caring for a child may not be a good career move, but I suspect a large part of that is that having a child changes your priorities. Your career might take second place, not because it has to, but because you're far more interested in hanging out with your kid.
Paying someone for help is a nice idea but it didn't really work for us. We had 2x au pairs for a while, paid minders to help out on weekends et cetera. Here day care is heavily subsidised. They started that when they were about 15 months, 3 days a week. That has been a game changer obviously.
We've never done date night per se. We do family outings several times a week. We both make sure the other gets a few hours off every few days. I'm not saying this is "the right way", some cracks in our relationship have definitely appeared and developed over the last several years. We just wake up every day and do whatever needs to be done.
I'm just not interested in Horses so I just can't comment on that. I'm really into bikes though. I bought an epic e-bike powerful enough to haul my kids around in this trailer thing. They love it. I love it. It was financially reckless, cost about 9 weeks average wage, but I don't regret the purchase. I will say though, you should talk to someone who has a horse and pays for all the things. For me the novelty would def wear off super quick.
The thing that I find striking about your post is the analysis. We didn't analyse the decision to have kids. It was just something we wanted to do. We didn't have answers for all the questions, or even bother to ask those questions, because literally every one of my ancestors has just gotten pregnant and figured the rest out day by day.
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Another option is to adopt a kid who's like >12 who you can set up a good future for without having to spend as much money or 18 years.
A lot of the kids in foster care go homeless when they turn 18, and you could prevent that for someone
I second adoption. I am unsure if I ever want to raise a kid, but if I do, it will be with an existing child that someone doesn't want/can't take care of.
