30M After divorce I got literally zero support from anyone, why?
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Are you ok? I cant do much for ya but sorry no one has gotten outside themselves enough to see youre hurting.
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First : sorry you are going through this.
Second : yes most guys won't get the support they need. It sucks.
Third : yes you have shitty people around you
The people who you thought were your friends aren't. Forget about them. Forget they exist. They aren't worth your time.
Figure out what you like to do and join a club or group and move forward. Not just get over it. In that new group look for support there. Look for better friends there.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I wouldn't say his friends are just shitty people. You really have to work with bros to foster a relationship where talking about emotions is acceptable. As men, we are really just ill equipped because of broad ideas about masculinity and its hard cycle to break.
Im willing to bet, if you surveyed his friends, there might be some who are heart broken they didnt know they should have stepped up.
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30 Million?
I see you bro, i see the haters. I got chu.
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Because real life isn't a movie filled with people standing by to assist the main character in the third act. People are generally shit, and you are the only person who actually cares about you. It sucks to learn this particular lesson in such a brutal way, but it's an important lesson nonetheless. Move on and make this a footnote in your success story.
Signed, another person with your exact same experience.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Wait just a second. Im here man. Has things gotten better? You can be the main character of this thread, I'll let you.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
You should seek some help or at least find a support group. Churches have them and usually aren't too godly about the if you are opposed to religion.
Also stay off social media. It's only a window into the best parts of someones life.
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Men are taught not to care for each other
Nah I'll be there for my bros
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You should seek some help or at least find a support group. Churches have them and usually aren't too godly about the if you are opposed to religion.
Also stay off social media. It's only a window into the best parts of someones life.
As if my SO would ever go through Lemmy
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
That sounds really tough and I'm so sorry you've been struggling. It's really good that you have a counselor and you're talking things through with someone who will help you learn how to advocate for yourself. The people in your life who were ghosting you might be a combination of shitty people and people who are afraid/uncomfortable with your new lifestyle. The only thing that matters now is tending to yourself and building a life that fits and feels right. Lots of good advice on here about finding hobbies that keep you engaged and will support you in finding new friends. If anything I'll be your friend and check in with you, so hit up my dm's anytime.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
In a variety of ways, people communicate to men, 'Please don't need anything from me, because I have nothing to give you.'
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Wait just a second. Im here man. Has things gotten better? You can be the main character of this thread, I'll let you.
Yeah it's all good. I appreciate the check in. I am remarried and am like pretty important in my field. That's what I'm trying to say here - make a good life and this shit seems trivial. Don't make someone else into a foundation of your ego. This isn't some manoshpere shit, just acknowledging that adversity is optional growth.
I am way more upset about my dog who died ten months ago than anything involving my ex wife. If anything I'd like to take a moment to bring his life into our collective experience and spend a moment appreciating how much of a good boy he was until the very end.
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Men are taught not to care for each other
Men may be taught not to care about randoms they don't know, but not dudes they care about. What is more important is that guys are never taught and never see modeled, how to care for men during some important moments of life. Men don't know how to care for each other anymore than women know how to care for men. Not that they don't want to. How to care for a man during a divorce is not modeled by men or women, because society doesn't actively care for men. It has to happen first for it to be modelled. Lots of men aren't comfortable attempting to provide support in such vulnerable moments when they have no idea what to do.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Men are disposable in a genetic and social sense
Add on top of that patriarchy hurts us too, forwarding the 'strong silent' fiction
Everyone is shitty nowadays, not just your circle
hitting half a century this year, no one except me has ever given a fuck about my struggles
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Yeah it's all good. I appreciate the check in. I am remarried and am like pretty important in my field. That's what I'm trying to say here - make a good life and this shit seems trivial. Don't make someone else into a foundation of your ego. This isn't some manoshpere shit, just acknowledging that adversity is optional growth.
I am way more upset about my dog who died ten months ago than anything involving my ex wife. If anything I'd like to take a moment to bring his life into our collective experience and spend a moment appreciating how much of a good boy he was until the very end.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Im sorry about the dog, man, death is death, you know. Love transcends species and that's beautiful. There's a hole where my dog use to be but I think its not as painful anymore. I think at this point I'm ready to let more love in. If youre not now and dont think you'll ever be, I was there.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Those aren't your friends and never were, good people don't treat each other like this.
Your ex sounds like my ex, narcisist who is definitely playing victim behind your back.
You're still young, there's loads more out there now! I've found as I've got older the dating aspect of life is better than in my 20s . I dunno what else to say except for there's loads to live for man.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]They're not friends, they're acquaintances at best.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, hopefully you can find some better people to put your energy into. If not, Lemmy is a pretty supportive place. Sometimes strangers are nicer than friends.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I think I need sleep. I thought you were writing that you got $30 million after your divorce. I was wondering who you were complaining to.
On a serious note. Are you ok?
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Men may be taught not to care about randoms they don't know, but not dudes they care about. What is more important is that guys are never taught and never see modeled, how to care for men during some important moments of life. Men don't know how to care for each other anymore than women know how to care for men. Not that they don't want to. How to care for a man during a divorce is not modeled by men or women, because society doesn't actively care for men. It has to happen first for it to be modelled. Lots of men aren't comfortable attempting to provide support in such vulnerable moments when they have no idea what to do.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Actually the main issue is men aren't taught how to provide emotional support. I have difficulty with it myself. Heck, I think half of men can barely handle their own emotions properly, much less someone else's.
Men are there for their bros. But generally men expect their bros to ask for more physical support. Lend a tool, some muscle, use their car, help them carry furniture, lend some cash. Men will be perfectly ok to help a bro out at the drop of a hat for things like that.
But ask how to figure out how to get over a relationship? Uhhh...
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Yeah that’s a tough one and all too common. As someone with a similar story: it’s not you.
There’s definitely a gender stereotype thing where men aren’t expected to need help, but the other side may be that they don’t know how or when to give help. I know I was certainly clueless until it happened to me. Of course I would do anything to help my buddies if they asked, but it would never occur to me to offer nor even ask. Pretty shitty, I know, but that’s what society expects. I don’t know if your friends were true friends, but is it possible they don’t know what to do?
I’m happy you have a counselor so there’s at least one person there for you. It’ll take time but stick with it. You can do it.
For me I had my kids. I try not to lean on them but definitely still have my life organized around them, so the worst of the divorce may still be ahead of me when they’re in college this fall and it hits me I have no one. It’s also really helped to have my ex’s dog. I warned her she was not in a place to care for a dog but she got one anyway. Works pretty well for me: I’m not home enough to care for a dog, but we effectively have joint custody so I get the dog when I am home. I’ve been somewhat successful starting new hobbies but as an introvert I haven’t been able to turn it into new social connections. Yet.
Hopefully there’s something encouraging in there for you, or at least know that it’s not just you
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I wouldn't say his friends are just shitty people. You really have to work with bros to foster a relationship where talking about emotions is acceptable. As men, we are really just ill equipped because of broad ideas about masculinity and its hard cycle to break.
Im willing to bet, if you surveyed his friends, there might be some who are heart broken they didnt know they should have stepped up.
Fair enough
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Actually the main issue is men aren't taught how to provide emotional support. I have difficulty with it myself. Heck, I think half of men can barely handle their own emotions properly, much less someone else's.
Men are there for their bros. But generally men expect their bros to ask for more physical support. Lend a tool, some muscle, use their car, help them carry furniture, lend some cash. Men will be perfectly ok to help a bro out at the drop of a hat for things like that.
But ask how to figure out how to get over a relationship? Uhhh...
Aktually...
