30M After divorce I got literally zero support from anyone, why?
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Because real life isn't a movie filled with people standing by to assist the main character in the third act. People are generally shit, and you are the only person who actually cares about you. It sucks to learn this particular lesson in such a brutal way, but it's an important lesson nonetheless. Move on and make this a footnote in your success story.
Signed, another person with your exact same experience.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Wait just a second. Im here man. Has things gotten better? You can be the main character of this thread, I'll let you.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
You should seek some help or at least find a support group. Churches have them and usually aren't too godly about the if you are opposed to religion.
Also stay off social media. It's only a window into the best parts of someones life.
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Men are taught not to care for each other
Nah I'll be there for my bros
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You should seek some help or at least find a support group. Churches have them and usually aren't too godly about the if you are opposed to religion.
Also stay off social media. It's only a window into the best parts of someones life.
As if my SO would ever go through Lemmy
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
That sounds really tough and I'm so sorry you've been struggling. It's really good that you have a counselor and you're talking things through with someone who will help you learn how to advocate for yourself. The people in your life who were ghosting you might be a combination of shitty people and people who are afraid/uncomfortable with your new lifestyle. The only thing that matters now is tending to yourself and building a life that fits and feels right. Lots of good advice on here about finding hobbies that keep you engaged and will support you in finding new friends. If anything I'll be your friend and check in with you, so hit up my dm's anytime.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
In a variety of ways, people communicate to men, 'Please don't need anything from me, because I have nothing to give you.'
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Wait just a second. Im here man. Has things gotten better? You can be the main character of this thread, I'll let you.
Yeah it's all good. I appreciate the check in. I am remarried and am like pretty important in my field. That's what I'm trying to say here - make a good life and this shit seems trivial. Don't make someone else into a foundation of your ego. This isn't some manoshpere shit, just acknowledging that adversity is optional growth.
I am way more upset about my dog who died ten months ago than anything involving my ex wife. If anything I'd like to take a moment to bring his life into our collective experience and spend a moment appreciating how much of a good boy he was until the very end.
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Men are taught not to care for each other
Men may be taught not to care about randoms they don't know, but not dudes they care about. What is more important is that guys are never taught and never see modeled, how to care for men during some important moments of life. Men don't know how to care for each other anymore than women know how to care for men. Not that they don't want to. How to care for a man during a divorce is not modeled by men or women, because society doesn't actively care for men. It has to happen first for it to be modelled. Lots of men aren't comfortable attempting to provide support in such vulnerable moments when they have no idea what to do.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Men are disposable in a genetic and social sense
Add on top of that patriarchy hurts us too, forwarding the 'strong silent' fiction
Everyone is shitty nowadays, not just your circle
hitting half a century this year, no one except me has ever given a fuck about my struggles
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Yeah it's all good. I appreciate the check in. I am remarried and am like pretty important in my field. That's what I'm trying to say here - make a good life and this shit seems trivial. Don't make someone else into a foundation of your ego. This isn't some manoshpere shit, just acknowledging that adversity is optional growth.
I am way more upset about my dog who died ten months ago than anything involving my ex wife. If anything I'd like to take a moment to bring his life into our collective experience and spend a moment appreciating how much of a good boy he was until the very end.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Im sorry about the dog, man, death is death, you know. Love transcends species and that's beautiful. There's a hole where my dog use to be but I think its not as painful anymore. I think at this point I'm ready to let more love in. If youre not now and dont think you'll ever be, I was there.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Those aren't your friends and never were, good people don't treat each other like this.
Your ex sounds like my ex, narcisist who is definitely playing victim behind your back.
You're still young, there's loads more out there now! I've found as I've got older the dating aspect of life is better than in my 20s . I dunno what else to say except for there's loads to live for man.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]They're not friends, they're acquaintances at best.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, hopefully you can find some better people to put your energy into. If not, Lemmy is a pretty supportive place. Sometimes strangers are nicer than friends.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I think I need sleep. I thought you were writing that you got $30 million after your divorce. I was wondering who you were complaining to.
On a serious note. Are you ok?
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Men may be taught not to care about randoms they don't know, but not dudes they care about. What is more important is that guys are never taught and never see modeled, how to care for men during some important moments of life. Men don't know how to care for each other anymore than women know how to care for men. Not that they don't want to. How to care for a man during a divorce is not modeled by men or women, because society doesn't actively care for men. It has to happen first for it to be modelled. Lots of men aren't comfortable attempting to provide support in such vulnerable moments when they have no idea what to do.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Actually the main issue is men aren't taught how to provide emotional support. I have difficulty with it myself. Heck, I think half of men can barely handle their own emotions properly, much less someone else's.
Men are there for their bros. But generally men expect their bros to ask for more physical support. Lend a tool, some muscle, use their car, help them carry furniture, lend some cash. Men will be perfectly ok to help a bro out at the drop of a hat for things like that.
But ask how to figure out how to get over a relationship? Uhhh...
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Yeah that’s a tough one and all too common. As someone with a similar story: it’s not you.
There’s definitely a gender stereotype thing where men aren’t expected to need help, but the other side may be that they don’t know how or when to give help. I know I was certainly clueless until it happened to me. Of course I would do anything to help my buddies if they asked, but it would never occur to me to offer nor even ask. Pretty shitty, I know, but that’s what society expects. I don’t know if your friends were true friends, but is it possible they don’t know what to do?
I’m happy you have a counselor so there’s at least one person there for you. It’ll take time but stick with it. You can do it.
For me I had my kids. I try not to lean on them but definitely still have my life organized around them, so the worst of the divorce may still be ahead of me when they’re in college this fall and it hits me I have no one. It’s also really helped to have my ex’s dog. I warned her she was not in a place to care for a dog but she got one anyway. Works pretty well for me: I’m not home enough to care for a dog, but we effectively have joint custody so I get the dog when I am home. I’ve been somewhat successful starting new hobbies but as an introvert I haven’t been able to turn it into new social connections. Yet.
Hopefully there’s something encouraging in there for you, or at least know that it’s not just you
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I wouldn't say his friends are just shitty people. You really have to work with bros to foster a relationship where talking about emotions is acceptable. As men, we are really just ill equipped because of broad ideas about masculinity and its hard cycle to break.
Im willing to bet, if you surveyed his friends, there might be some who are heart broken they didnt know they should have stepped up.
Fair enough
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Actually the main issue is men aren't taught how to provide emotional support. I have difficulty with it myself. Heck, I think half of men can barely handle their own emotions properly, much less someone else's.
Men are there for their bros. But generally men expect their bros to ask for more physical support. Lend a tool, some muscle, use their car, help them carry furniture, lend some cash. Men will be perfectly ok to help a bro out at the drop of a hat for things like that.
But ask how to figure out how to get over a relationship? Uhhh...
Aktually...
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Not at all, I meant it when I said I appreciated your comment! I was just adding my own thoughts to the conversation.
It's really hard for most people - man or woman - to make any headway in this arena precisely becase of the points you made. These poor men are very effectively primed to only respond well to traditionally masculine role models and talking points, and yet it is that very same traditional masculinity that is holding them back.
I just wanted to clarify in the context of the OP why they might feel like "the left isn't doing enough," and why that is actually just a part of the alt-right pipeline working as designed.
Ah, I see. I appreciate the clarification!
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it sucks. The truth is, nobody cares about a man's suffering. There's something in a man's weakness that repulses most people. Even people that like you and would love to see you do good. When I went through the same I realized the only people who care are close family, people who can relate and people who have some interest in you. It sucks but you must know it's not about you.
That being said you have both sides to take into account. Your so-called friends are not your friends and they never were. Period. Erase them from your life. They deserve even less thoughts than your ex. When the chips are down they showed you what they were about. Now you know how worthless they are. Some people are not as lucky and stay in toxic and superficial "friendships" for years and that stops them from finding actual good friends.
And, non withstanding all that, a depressed and sad person is not a good company. It brings you down. And that's OK because we make sacrifices for the people we love. But if the person is in a vicious cycle of negativity and always complaining to the same person, it gets tiresome pretty fast. I'm not saying it's your case, it's just something to keep your mind on. Friends should support you but only you can actually fix yourself. Usually time heals everything but, if it's not, it's your responsibility to take care of your mental health (therapist, psychiatrist, etc). There's only so much a friend can do for you. And don't put all that weight on one person. Spread it around.
And stop talking crazy about ending it. It hurts. It's one of the worst pains I ever felt. It's almost unbearable. But it does get better. And eventually you will feel whole again. It's a hard road but there is paradise up ahead. But for now you have to walk through hell to reach it. But I promise you, it will be worth every step.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
I just had an old friend hit me up to talk after his recent heartbreak. My dog had died my aunty had cancer and I’m at rock bottom with my finances. Haven’t heard from this friend in years. No idea what I was going through.
I realized all my friends from my youth were really shitty. Lack of reciprocal respect and kindness over the decades really dried up my empathy response. I sent him a rap lyric and wished him the best.
From my experience those emotions are wasted on others. This is completely anecdotal but something to reflect on. I get the sense that your friendships were not worth keeping and at this point it probably doesn’t matter whose fault that is.
