30M After divorce I got literally zero support from anyone, why?
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That's messed up. I can't stand people who lie, I'm mad for you
Well at one point i did suggest an open relationship but she didn't agree to it haha
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it sucks. The truth is, nobody cares about a man's suffering. There's something in a man's weakness that repulses most people. Even people that like you and would love to see you do good. When I went through the same I realized the only people who care are close family, people who can relate and people who have some interest in you. It sucks but you must know it's not about you.
That being said you have both sides to take into account. Your so-called friends are not your friends and they never were. Period. Erase them from your life. They deserve even less thoughts than your ex. When the chips are down they showed you what they were about. Now you know how worthless they are. Some people are not as lucky and stay in toxic and superficial "friendships" for years and that stops them from finding actual good friends.
And, non withstanding all that, a depressed and sad person is not a good company. It brings you down. And that's OK because we make sacrifices for the people we love. But if the person is in a vicious cycle of negativity and always complaining to the same person, it gets tiresome pretty fast. I'm not saying it's your case, it's just something to keep your mind on. Friends should support you but only you can actually fix yourself. Usually time heals everything but, if it's not, it's your responsibility to take care of your mental health (therapist, psychiatrist, etc). There's only so much a friend can do for you. And don't put all that weight on one person. Spread it around.
And stop talking crazy about ending it. It hurts. It's one of the worst pains I ever felt. It's almost unbearable. But it does get better. And eventually you will feel whole again. It's a hard road but there is paradise up ahead. But for now you have to walk through hell to reach it. But I promise you, it will be worth every step.
"nobody cares about a man's suffering"
This is simply untrue and I can't take your story seriously after reading this line, it does sound like youve begun to work on some stuff for yourself, but might be some more to go still. I still got shit,I've watched nearly every man in my bloodline go down the shitty, self hating, misogynistic, alcoholic poor me sad life cycle my entire life.
It saddens me most that a lot of these guys had/have great parts about them but choose not to work out their demons, go to a therapist or take accountability for their own actions.It saddens me the most to watch a man go through life feeling alone, ashamed, and unable to talk about how he is feeling. To watch them chose "masculine" coping, ie: drinking beer and whiskey, while making wife bad jokes and watching action movies to drown out the brain noise.
I breifly dated a man who told me he didnt like looking in the mirror because he hated himself so much it made him want to punch the mirror, so he just avoided the mirror. He never went to therapy but came home with a six pack of beer everyday from work religiously. It's fucking sad, and I hope that guy is doing better today.And to mention, easily a third of the men I have dated/known/or were family, as young boys, were raped. They just stuff it and live with it. No one talks about how often boys are raped by other men, men they are supposed to trust, and they just go on with life internalizing that shit. Its fucked. Dare I say we need a men's me too? Even one guy I dated at one point told me his adopted father had raped him when he was 12, but it only happened once so he forgave it. They acted like a happy family outside of this. My jaw fucking dropped. Then you see the maladaptive habit, he was the type who didn't wash his ass because it could make you gay.
Everytime I hear someone making a joke about a man who doesn't wash his ass, I no longer think it's funny. I think he might have been raped as a child. Imo we need larger discourse about it, because the pattern can repeat. Internalized shame is poisen.It all feels out of my control so I just try and do what I can for the people close to me. All in all, It's okay to make mistakes, its okay to be wrong, a lot of people, all people, many of them struggle admitting they were wrong. It's also not your fault if you were put in a vulnerable situation. It's not a sign of weakness. A lot of time thats the only ticket to a demon free brain is just accepted its okay to make mistakes and be wrong, and its not your fault if a bad thing happened to you as an actual victim.
No one cares about men's mental health, that's ridiculous.
I was 13 years old giving my 40 year old alcoholic father pep talks on how to manage his emotions for christsake. Lmao I really thought I could help him then. I could not-I have always cared, and many other women do too. But no one knows whats going on unless you use your voice. I've watched so many men suffer over the years. It pains me as much as anyone elses suffering, if not more because yall don't build networks for yourself and often it doesn't feel safe for you to express yourselves, and thats tragic.
I see this rhetoric all the time online and I will fiercely express, I am a woman, and I care. There are others who care too, stop spreading nonsense.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with?
Those "two" possibilities might actually just be the same thing. This is what guys deal with BECAUSE people are shitty.
People generally don't go around looking to help others. People look for ways to make themselves feel better. People with a mantra of helping others may or may not be doing so, but they continue because it is helping them fill a hole in themselves.
I've never divorced, but I have had breakups, and I got over them by embracing the hobbies I had before (in my case, programming). That might not be a lot but it's a start.
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Because Men aren't allowed to feel any emotion, and it's always our fault no matter what. Like how any type of masculinity is toxic and chivalry is considered rude or borderline SA.
And it's only getting worse.
Honestly, I think you got to kill yourself on the inside or be a republican. And its better to die then be a republican. I keep being told the left cares about my feelings, but they only care about the ones they want me to have and not the ones I do have.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Bro. We’re men. No one cares about us or our feelings. When you come to grips with that. You can explore more self healing directions to go. No one wants to hear about our problems. Also. Your friends are not friends. Find new people if you can.
Trust me. After my ex cheated on me and left me. I felt like death for years.
BUT! It definitely will get better one morning. Just keep your chin up. Brush off the anxiety and go out and see the world.
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Honestly, I think you got to kill yourself on the inside or be a republican. And its better to die then be a republican. I keep being told the left cares about my feelings, but they only care about the ones they want me to have and not the ones I do have.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Reps and Dems are so far gone that neither care about each other. I was a conservative when I was in the Army, but watching the left and the right battle each other recently, I've been slipping towards the moderate side.
Just don't want to affiliate with either and just live in the middle of nowhere.I know I troll a lot on here but I just want to get these emotions out and get a different perspective on things.
My psychiatrist tells me that I need to open up more, but I feel that if I do, I'd just explode.
Oh well. No need to spill that on here. Whoops.
*Also, Republicans aren't that bad. Democrats are just as bad from a different direction. At some point, they're just Nazis pointing at each other with how far apart they are.
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That reads very incel-ish..
Yes, we don't have true equality yet, and your analysis seems correct at first glance. However, women still have it worse, believe me. A lot of medical research focuses on men and ignores women, they still don't get taken seriously in many fields of work, they still are the main victims of sexual assault, etc. All negative things applying to men that I can think of are things we are doing to ourselves. Like the ideal msculine image pushed in media is entirely due to men. No woman ever designed a stoic superhero with pure muscle and a sixpack.
Your assessment isn't incorrect, it just ignores why things are the way they are.
That being said, the situation sucks for OP and they deserve better friends.
Go try telling people about your experience with being an SA victim. My experience is basically a bunch of people telling me about how women have it worse or even accusations of lying. Your counter argument is focused on the past or around conservatives. Liberals should know better.
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Well at one point i did suggest an open relationship but she didn't agree to it haha
..the plot thickens lol
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Yep.
Everyone in my life was done hearing about my divorce LONG before I was ready to stop talking about it. But, I just had to shut up and carry on, or risk driving them away.
This happened to me with a good friend. He wanted to stop listening, and admittedly I was on repeat (severe depression, major life changes coming and I couldn't cope properly) - but it has the effect of drifting us pretty severely.
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..the plot thickens lol
Yeah it doesn't really matter now though haha
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Shitty friends.
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Go try telling people about your experience with being an SA victim. My experience is basically a bunch of people telling me about how women have it worse or even accusations of lying. Your counter argument is focused on the past or around conservatives. Liberals should know better.
I'm not trying to dismiss any experiences. All I'm saying is us men can't blame women for being in our current situation. If I misread what you were getting at, I'm sorry.
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I'm not trying to dismiss any experiences. All I'm saying is us men can't blame women for being in our current situation. If I misread what you were getting at, I'm sorry.
Well when that most of that comes from women. I just want to stop having to pretend that women are entirely innocent and men are the sole cause of alm the problems
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Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with?
Those "two" possibilities might actually just be the same thing. This is what guys deal with BECAUSE people are shitty.
People generally don't go around looking to help others. People look for ways to make themselves feel better. People with a mantra of helping others may or may not be doing so, but they continue because it is helping them fill a hole in themselves.
I've never divorced, but I have had breakups, and I got over them by embracing the hobbies I had before (in my case, programming). That might not be a lot but it's a start.
I increasingly believe that everything everyone does is for a reward of some kind. Even if it's only feeling good about yourself, or belief in some imaginary after-life reward. If being good is being selfless, no one is truly good.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Hey dude, it sucks to be in your position now. Divorce is hard. You feel all alone and it seems the rest of the world just keep moving forward when all you really want is to stop and tend to this big wound that opened up.
People don't want to stop and see this wound you're dealing with because it makes them uncomfortable. I've experienced that the only ones who can empathize are the ones that have gone through something painful such as divorce, or losing a loved one.
I can't say if your existing friends were good/bad, but maybe you guys weren't close to begin with. I lost my "friends" during my divorce, some of it was me culling people out of my life because I realized they were just "fair weather" friends. I also realized that I wasn't a good friend to them either. New friends I made afterwards were closer because i shared my story with them and they accepted me. That's also why I made more friends with older single people, male and females, those who had seen some shit.
I got close with my siblings finally, which was amazing, I told them how I had suicidal tendencies or thoughts too. My family got super worried, but my brother's got close and checked in on me more. I made time for them too.
I know a message from an internet stranger may not mean much, but I wish you strength and kindness as you slog your way through to finding yourself again. You know that child that's deep down? That person that enjoyed doing whatever activity and got tremendous joy out of it? That guy. If you can, please look after that 12 year old version in your soul (hopefully that makes some sense).
May you be well.
Edit: spacing
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"nobody cares about a man's suffering"
This is simply untrue and I can't take your story seriously after reading this line, it does sound like youve begun to work on some stuff for yourself, but might be some more to go still. I still got shit,I've watched nearly every man in my bloodline go down the shitty, self hating, misogynistic, alcoholic poor me sad life cycle my entire life.
It saddens me most that a lot of these guys had/have great parts about them but choose not to work out their demons, go to a therapist or take accountability for their own actions.It saddens me the most to watch a man go through life feeling alone, ashamed, and unable to talk about how he is feeling. To watch them chose "masculine" coping, ie: drinking beer and whiskey, while making wife bad jokes and watching action movies to drown out the brain noise.
I breifly dated a man who told me he didnt like looking in the mirror because he hated himself so much it made him want to punch the mirror, so he just avoided the mirror. He never went to therapy but came home with a six pack of beer everyday from work religiously. It's fucking sad, and I hope that guy is doing better today.And to mention, easily a third of the men I have dated/known/or were family, as young boys, were raped. They just stuff it and live with it. No one talks about how often boys are raped by other men, men they are supposed to trust, and they just go on with life internalizing that shit. Its fucked. Dare I say we need a men's me too? Even one guy I dated at one point told me his adopted father had raped him when he was 12, but it only happened once so he forgave it. They acted like a happy family outside of this. My jaw fucking dropped. Then you see the maladaptive habit, he was the type who didn't wash his ass because it could make you gay.
Everytime I hear someone making a joke about a man who doesn't wash his ass, I no longer think it's funny. I think he might have been raped as a child. Imo we need larger discourse about it, because the pattern can repeat. Internalized shame is poisen.It all feels out of my control so I just try and do what I can for the people close to me. All in all, It's okay to make mistakes, its okay to be wrong, a lot of people, all people, many of them struggle admitting they were wrong. It's also not your fault if you were put in a vulnerable situation. It's not a sign of weakness. A lot of time thats the only ticket to a demon free brain is just accepted its okay to make mistakes and be wrong, and its not your fault if a bad thing happened to you as an actual victim.
No one cares about men's mental health, that's ridiculous.
I was 13 years old giving my 40 year old alcoholic father pep talks on how to manage his emotions for christsake. Lmao I really thought I could help him then. I could not-I have always cared, and many other women do too. But no one knows whats going on unless you use your voice. I've watched so many men suffer over the years. It pains me as much as anyone elses suffering, if not more because yall don't build networks for yourself and often it doesn't feel safe for you to express yourselves, and thats tragic.
I see this rhetoric all the time online and I will fiercely express, I am a woman, and I care. There are others who care too, stop spreading nonsense.
Look, I'm glad you took that off your chest. My point still remains and I won't be shamed into silence. And no, it's not your fault or any gender in particular. Hell, it is a problem of toxic masculinity, and both women and men are to blame.
I'm glad you care and please, keep caring. It does make a difference. Mentalities change one person at a time.
You talk about men "choosing" unhealthy ways to deal with pain and grief. I'm sorry, but you have no idea what it is to be a man. Your intentions may be good but you can never truly understand how lonely male existence is because you haven't experienced it. Same way I can never truly understand what it is being put down and condescended for being a woman, among other things. I see it, and it troubles me, but I never experienced it. I'm not arrogant to pretend I know how it feels.
This is my experience being a man. When you fall apart and become vulnerable everybody runs. Repulse is the right word. You can feel the contempt when you show that weakness. Both in men and women. This isn't a men versus women thing. I'm not talking about SO's running away when we're weak. While it does happen, in my experience a SO is one of the few people you can actually show vulnerability. That, family and, if you're lucky, a few close friends. Beyond that, our society simply isn't wired to accept weakness on a man. It's not men's fault, it's not women's fault, it's the culture itself.
Can it be fixed? I don't know. Either way, I feel frustrated by it and it's my right to voice that frustration.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Unfortunately a lot of people are going to assume you have it under control already and/or would prefer the solitude as you sort through it. That's not the extent of the issue, obviously, but that's a pretty significant compounding factor.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Sounds like that toxic relationship continued through divorce with her making everyone "take sides" and stealing all support. Can't give you any advice, you could reach out to some of your closest friends... Or, just start fresh with new people.. like, moving to a new city or neighborhood.
Good luck! Stay safe and strong
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Well when that most of that comes from women. I just want to stop having to pretend that women are entirely innocent and men are the sole cause of alm the problems
It really depends on what exactly you mean by "the cause of all the problems".
If you're talking about your personal problems, like having your experiences dismissed and social expectations of stoicism etc., women are absolutely also part of the problem.
What I'm trying to say is that those women didn't become like that because they chose so consciously. Their behavior is the result of the very same social norms you are struggling with, which have largely been created by men for men.
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It really depends on what exactly you mean by "the cause of all the problems".
If you're talking about your personal problems, like having your experiences dismissed and social expectations of stoicism etc., women are absolutely also part of the problem.
What I'm trying to say is that those women didn't become like that because they chose so consciously. Their behavior is the result of the very same social norms you are struggling with, which have largely been created by men for men.
So they get a free pass.
