30M After divorce I got literally zero support from anyone, why?
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Good for you. Keep at it, and don't just think all counselors are the same. If yours is not working for you, just change. No real counselor will be upset if you do.
They will never suggest change themselves
This is the fourth counselor I have had in my life and this guy is by far the best one. I was recommended him by a coworker whom I respect very much.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
Yep.
Everyone in my life was done hearing about my divorce LONG before I was ready to stop talking about it. But, I just had to shut up and carry on, or risk driving them away.
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I have a very good therapist right now, the best I've ever had, and he's helped me a fuck ton.
But I'm afraid I don't have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.
There's no logical reason to clock out early. It stops you from future happiness, prohibits any form of personal growth, and deprives those that appreciate you in their lives of you. It's a permanent solution for temporary problems.
I'm glad to hear you're utilizing therapy. It's a good tool for self maintenance.
And I wouldn't say you have a mental health issue. You have an emotional health issue. What happened to you sucks. I went through a few of your posts to make sure I wasn't calling for someone just wanting to create engagement. The fact that it's a small town and you see her everywhere you go also sucks.
I'd recommend maybe moving if it's feasible. Definitely take a bit of a vacation. Maybe go camping. Check and see if there's any retreats going on. Maybe you can get in on some form of group camp outing and make some new friends. Or at the very least meet new people who aren't part of your day to day.
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Hey, I recognize you from some of the memes you've posted and I appreciate them.
Can relate to most of what you have said in this thread and yeah... Understandable.
Still, there is more to life than other people. What about you, what you like and what you care about? Maybe now's a good time to be selfish and enjoy things just for you.
I will post more memes because of your compliment
That's what I have been working on in therapy. I think I never fully focused on myself in my relationship and that's why I'm so devastated. She was my only emotional support system
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Yep.
Everyone in my life was done hearing about my divorce LONG before I was ready to stop talking about it. But, I just had to shut up and carry on, or risk driving them away.
I resonate with this a lot. I wished I stopped talking about it with certain people sooner.
I don't blame them, some people have enough shit they are dealing with and they simply don't know what to say.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]People tend to side with the woman in a separation. Its the side effect of a patriarchal spciety: Toxic Masculinity. Men are just expected to have no emotions and can handle everything on their own, which isn't true at all.
I feel the same. My parents tells me I need to "stop crying because I'm not being 'manly' enough". Like, bruh I have a fucking existential crisis and disagnose depression and really wanna kms right now. So I get it.
The Left hasn't doen enough to address the issues that men are facing, which is why the alt-right pipeline is so ripe for picking off boys to their fascist agenda. But please, remember, fascists aren't your friends, no matter what they say. Plese don't fall for the alt-right pipeline, my friend.
I think the left just needs to recalibrate their priorities. Society issues can only be solved with true Egalitarianism that supports both Men and Women.
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I'm sorry that you're in this position and I can unfortunately understand on a deep level on just how distressing it can feel to be alone.
This situation that you're describing is really painfully close to what I personally experienced with one of my own breakups.
Men are often viewed as the ones who should predominantly pull themselves up by their bootstraps and as such shouldn't be given empathy or the right to be listened to.
- an an Enby I've both seen and experienced this firsthand.
It really sucks that these kinds of disconnection happens when reality really doesn't have to be this way.
I unfortunately can't say anything that could possibly fix this landscape but please know that you are not alone.
Your pain and emotional distress is real, you deserve love just as everyone else. 
If possible, I'd highly reaching out to your local social empathy/mental help centres as I've personally found help there and they might be able to help you as well
100%
It is, oddly enough, another side effect of misogyny and "the patriarchy " that is not often recognized. Sadly, when it is recognized, it can be distorted by hateful opportunists looking to for profit and influence in the name of men's rights.
I hope OP finds the support he needs.
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People tend to side with the woman in a separation. Its the side effect of a patriarchal spciety: Toxic Masculinity. Men are just expected to have no emotions and can handle everything on their own, which isn't true at all.
I feel the same. My parents tells me I need to "stop crying because I'm not being 'manly' enough". Like, bruh I have a fucking existential crisis and disagnose depression and really wanna kms right now. So I get it.
The Left hasn't doen enough to address the issues that men are facing, which is why the alt-right pipeline is so ripe for picking off boys to their fascist agenda. But please, remember, fascists aren't your friends, no matter what they say. Plese don't fall for the alt-right pipeline, my friend.
I think the left just needs to recalibrate their priorities. Society issues can only be solved with true Egalitarianism that supports both Men and Women.
I fell into alt right when she started abusing me which helped destroy the relationship. I got out of that shit.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
You are heard!
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I have a very good therapist right now, the best I've ever had, and he's helped me a fuck ton.
But I'm afraid I don't have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.
I don't have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.
It may seem that way, but speaking as someone who has suffered a variety of health conditions, as well as anxiety and depression, what seems logical at the moment could very well not be. Your brain can actively work against your best interest in times of extreme stress.
Youâre likely in a bad headspace right now, so Iâd advise to keep working with your counselor/therapist and discuss this with them.
Also, maybe trite, but things will not always be this bad, but it will if things end for you now. Hang in there if you can. Not judging, I know what itâs like for life to suck so bad youâd rather it be over. I got through that period and I hope you do as well.
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100%
It is, oddly enough, another side effect of misogyny and "the patriarchy " that is not often recognized. Sadly, when it is recognized, it can be distorted by hateful opportunists looking to for profit and influence in the name of men's rights.
I hope OP finds the support he needs.
I have one particular friend who left me because he thinks I'm anti feminist due to this exact sentiment.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Men tend to really struggle to make and maintain friendships. That's not just you. Anyone who thinks you need to "get over it" can get fucked. Healing from an experience like that takes time.
It sounds like you're already going to therapy. The other thing that helped me a lot was self-care. Be intentional about doing things that you enjoy. I spent lots of time fishing and playing golf. It was therapeutic in its own way.
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This is the fourth counselor I have had in my life and this guy is by far the best one. I was recommended him by a coworker whom I respect very much.
wrote on last edited by [email protected]Medicine helps too. I'm on Bupropion now, after having suicidal thoughts on Lexapro.
It's been good for me; it has completely eliminated the ideations, even though things in life have actually gotten worse.
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Medicine helps too. I'm on Bupropion now, after having suicidal thoughts on Lexapro.
It's been good for me; it has completely eliminated the ideations, even though things in life have actually gotten worse.
I am on lexapro for 5 years and honestly i didn't think about swapping stuff. Maybe i should ask about adding welbutrin.
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I am on lexapro for 5 years and honestly i didn't think about swapping stuff. Maybe i should ask about adding welbutrin.
Dude. Coming off Lexapro SUCKS, but I'm glad i did.
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I will post more memes because of your compliment
That's what I have been working on in therapy. I think I never fully focused on myself in my relationship and that's why I'm so devastated. She was my only emotional support system
Abusive relationships tend to be like that. Now you're free and can make up for lost time. There's too much good music/movies/food/video games/nature to enjoy to let it go to waste. DM if you ever need someone to chat about it with.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
I had something similar happen when I was much younger.
When I was in the relationship, the girl manipulated all of our friends into believing I was cheating on her, giving them sob stories, and telling them about evidence she found that did not exist.
They had no reason to doubt her so they all invited her to move out from our place and in with them, I had no idea any of this was going on and when we were all together everything seemed normal.
One guy in that group of friends stood up for me and said she was full of shit but no one listened to that dude...until her lies came crashing down because I found out she was cheating on me. She left the state within a week and that friend group sat me down and told me about everything she had said and done.
My guess is your ex is similar. She's probably been playing your friends for a long time and they have no reason to doubt her.
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Dude. Coming off Lexapro SUCKS, but I'm glad i did.
That's why im afraid to do so. 5 years taking it. I feel really good on it though, but maybe the effect has faded and I cant even tell. But when i got on it i felt so good.
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I got divorced like 5 months ago after a 9 years with this girl who cheated on me, emotionally abused me, etc etc
I've been suicidal since the split, getting worse by the day still, and literally nobody ever asked if I was OK, aside from my mom. Even when I begged close friends for support they basically just ghosted me. My ex is surrounded by support, from the same people who I thought were my best friends.
Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with? The attitude towards me is just "get over it". I've lost almost everyone I'm close to because of this and I'm starting to think there might actually be one viable option of getting over it because existing is simply torture. All of 2025 felt like just a bad dream but it's unfortunately real.
Edit: Yes I have a counselor - a very good one I see weekly.
My guy. I hear you and see you. Itâs unfortunate the way things landed for you. Keep putting in the hard work. I wish I had more advice for you, but Iâm down in the weeds in a similar âfriendâ situation myself.
I will say this: do things to take care of yourself. Keep the house clean, make yourself bonafide dinners, and treat yourself every now and again.
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Without knowing more about you, it's hard to say anything for sure. I can make a bunch of guesses.
One possibility: you didn't cultivate your relationships as well as you thought. A lot of guys sink all of their "intimate relationship energy" into their partner, instead of spreading some out to friends and family members.
Maybe your ex ran a successful long-term hit campaign on you. That would fit with the cheating and the emotional abuse.
Maybe it's due to the period of life that your friends are in. If everyone's in their early 30s, they're probably dealing with climate change, economic stress, children, etc. Doesn't leave a lot of emotional bandwidth for someone you don't already have deep ties with.
Maybe it's a broader cultural thing. Guys tend to get the short end of the stick in general with breakups. We still don't teach boys and men to explicitly emotionally support each other. We still don't, as a society, emotionally support boys and men in general. Single dads get custody far less often, etc etc.
I'm not blaming you or exonerating you. Your situation sucks and knowing all the possible whys and wherefores probably won't help you as much as figuring out what to do next.
I just want to say that this was a really well written and thoughtful reply.
