30M After divorce I got literally zero support from anyone, why?

[thrife@feddit.org]

You are heard! ️

[tomkatt@lemmy.world]

I don't have a mental health issue and the thoughts of suicide come from a place of logic.

It may seem that way, but speaking as someone who has suffered a variety of health conditions, as well as anxiety and depression, what seems logical at the moment could very well not be. Your brain can actively work against your best interest in times of extreme stress.

You’re likely in a bad headspace right now, so I’d advise to keep working with your counselor/therapist and discuss this with them.

Also, maybe trite, but things will not always be this bad, but it will if things end for you now. Hang in there if you can. Not judging, I know what it’s like for life to suck so bad you’d rather it be over. I got through that period and I hope you do as well.

[rabber@lemmy.ca]

I have one particular friend who left me because he thinks I'm anti feminist due to this exact sentiment.

[jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works]

Men tend to really struggle to make and maintain friendships. That's not just you. Anyone who thinks you need to "get over it" can get fucked. Healing from an experience like that takes time.

It sounds like you're already going to therapy. The other thing that helped me a lot was self-care. Be intentional about doing things that you enjoy. I spent lots of time fishing and playing golf. It was therapeutic in its own way.

[melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

Medicine helps too. I'm on Bupropion now, after having suicidal thoughts on Lexapro.

It's been good for me; it has completely eliminated the ideations, even though things in life have actually gotten worse.

[rabber@lemmy.ca]

I am on lexapro for 5 years and honestly i didn't think about swapping stuff. Maybe i should ask about adding welbutrin.

[melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

Dude. Coming off Lexapro SUCKS, but I'm glad i did.

[eezeebee@lemmy.ca]

Abusive relationships tend to be like that. Now you're free and can make up for lost time. There's too much good music/movies/food/video games/nature to enjoy to let it go to waste. DM if you ever need someone to chat about it with.

[azx3ric@lemmy.world]

I had something similar happen when I was much younger.

When I was in the relationship, the girl manipulated all of our friends into believing I was cheating on her, giving them sob stories, and telling them about evidence she found that did not exist.

They had no reason to doubt her so they all invited her to move out from our place and in with them, I had no idea any of this was going on and when we were all together everything seemed normal.

One guy in that group of friends stood up for me and said she was full of shit but no one listened to that dude...until her lies came crashing down because I found out she was cheating on me. She left the state within a week and that friend group sat me down and told me about everything she had said and done.

My guess is your ex is similar. She's probably been playing your friends for a long time and they have no reason to doubt her.

[rabber@lemmy.ca]

That's why im afraid to do so. 5 years taking it. I feel really good on it though, but maybe the effect has faded and I cant even tell. But when i got on it i felt so good.

[dohpaz42@lemmy.world]

My guy. I hear you and see you. It’s unfortunate the way things landed for you. Keep putting in the hard work. I wish I had more advice for you, but I’m down in the weeds in a similar “friend” situation myself.

I will say this: do things to take care of yourself. Keep the house clean, make yourself bonafide dinners, and treat yourself every now and again.

[feelzgoodman420@eviltoast.org]

I just want to say that this was a really well written and thoughtful reply.

[freedomadvocate@lemmy.net.au]

Sucks to hear that mate. Unfortunately with most breakups, many/most shared friends will “pick a side”, either by feeling like they need you or by being asked to by 1 or both of the parties. For whatever reason it sounds like your ex got most of them - possibly by lying about the relationship and break up, as cheaters tend to lie a lot.

You have to think of it this way - if this is how they behave, they weren’t real friends in the first place and you’re better off without them. It might not feel like it, but you’re better off without them.

It sounds cliche but hit the gym, unfollow and BLOCK her on everything, and invest in YOU. You’ll quickly make new friends when you want to 1 again, the gym is great for this. Working out makes you feel good, will make you healthier and better looking, and the people there are generally there for the same reasons.

I’ve been told, and from personal experience it seems right, that it generally takes about 3 years to get over someone you loved after a break up. It might suck till then, but one day you’ll just realize you don’t have any feelings at all towards them any more.

[andrewrgross@slrpnk.net]

It's really hard to know why people haven't been supportive without knowing you and them better. But how do you know and interact with these folks? Do you have them over for drinks? Play games online? Do they all know each other? Did they know you or your ex first?

[andros_rex@lemmy.world]

My family abandoned me after my divorce - my ex husband did some fucked up manipulative shit. (“I want us to be poly/for you sleep with another guy” -> “he cheated on me” when I finally did it to both of our entire extended families.)

What has helped me coped more than anything is new hobbies. Rebuilding a self. I started taking pottery classes and made some outside social connections. Art is a really good means of the self exploration that teaches you who you are and what it means to be a person again. Therapy of course, but you have to find someone that clicks with you.

It’s been about two and half years since it happened. (Well, the divorce itself was a nightmarish year long hell.) I’m finally starting to feel like myself again.

I’d say Google your local vo-tech or library. Show up to cooking classes or book clubs or something. Something new, that honors the new person you must become.

[blindbunny@lemmy.ml]

37m going through it now. Mutual aid groups have been supporting me and providing me with community.

Its likely those people just weren't your friends or even gave a shit about your situation.

[chonglibloodsport@lemmy.world]

What is your routine like? Do you go to work? Volunteer? Have hobbies?

I ask this because going through a breakup — any breakup — involves a grieving process. Part of grieving is about moving on. A big part of doing that is finding new things to do, new people to talk to, and new things to talk about.

Counseling is good, but talking to other friends and family about her can make it very difficult. If you meet someone new — doesn’t have to be romantic, can be any gender, can just be a friend — can give you a person to talk to and topics to discuss that involve you and your interests and have nothing to do with her.

When you’re in a relationship for a long time a lot of your thoughts and even the objects around you in life get tangled up in that so that when she’s gone these things still remind you of her. What you need is to be selfish — grieving is a selfish process — because you need to reorient your mindset around yourself and taking care of yourself.

Lastly, I think it’s also helpful to have a third space where you can focus on stuff completely outside yourself and all that. For me it’s been volunteering as a tutor for high school kids. It gives me a time and a space each week to forget about everything and focus on something else. Helping kids and seeing them learn is a nice bonus for that. That may not be your cup of tea though, but something else may be! If you aren’t already into volunteering I’d encourage you to look into some volunteer organizations near you and try to find one that fits your interests.

[melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com]

Hey, if it's working don't change it

[hobbitfoot@thelemmy.club]

I fell into alt right

That might have contributed to your friends ghosting you, depending on the friend group. You may have been legitimately grieving due to various reasons, but it might not have been perceived that way by your friend group.

I don't know the full details of your interactions, but I could easily see that being a red flag for some of your friends.

I got out of that shit.

Good, because a lot of the alt right influencers prey on people like you were in your predicament. I'm sorry you went down that rabbit hole.

[captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works]

You're a man. No one has ever, or will ever care about you. That's how it works.