As Epstein Questions Increase, Trump Administration Officials Becoming Nervous About Sex Tape Releases
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(Washington DC) As questions mount about trump’s involvement in the Epstein files, and the failure to release them, sources inside the White House say those with known or potential sex tapes are becoming increasingly concerned of their release.
The trump administration, known for its savvy in distracting the media and public, has grown desperate to change headlines, making claims as wide-ranging as demanding Coca Cola change its formulation, to extorting major league football teams. Yet the media, and public, remain fixated on the Epstein files.
“It’s very concerning,” said one blond press staffer who asked not to be named. “We hope the president will attack another country, like New Mexico, but a lot of people [in the administration] are saying a sex tape is the way to go. We were all made to submit any incriminating material when applying, and there are several of the tapes I submitted that could be painful to release.”
“Yes, we’re all concerned,” said one latino staff member in the state department. “I have material out there that’s pretty bad-looking, but given the late hour it was shot, you can tell that pony is only tired, not drugged, and everything is consensual. Still, it would look bad, even though as I said everything was consensual.”
Members of the media agree the tactic may work. “Would I replace the Epstein headlines with a sex tape story,” said one, “let me look at a list of department heads. No, no, yes, maybe, no, maybe on a bet, hell no… I’ll admit I had a dream about this one so maybe. I have to admit, it depends on the person and the tape.”
Only time will tell how the administration will continue to buy time until the scandal blows over. The president’s office was unavailable for comment, reportedly due to increasing tensions with New Mexico.
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(Washington DC) As questions mount about trump’s involvement in the Epstein files, and the failure to release them, sources inside the White House say those with known or potential sex tapes are becoming increasingly concerned of their release.
The trump administration, known for its savvy in distracting the media and public, has grown desperate to change headlines, making claims as wide-ranging as demanding Coca Cola change its formulation, to extorting major league football teams. Yet the media, and public, remain fixated on the Epstein files.
“It’s very concerning,” said one blond press staffer who asked not to be named. “We hope the president will attack another country, like New Mexico, but a lot of people [in the administration] are saying a sex tape is the way to go. We were all made to submit any incriminating material when applying, and there are several of the tapes I submitted that could be painful to release.”
“Yes, we’re all concerned,” said one latino staff member in the state department. “I have material out there that’s pretty bad-looking, but given the late hour it was shot, you can tell that pony is only tired, not drugged, and everything is consensual. Still, it would look bad, even though as I said everything was consensual.”
Members of the media agree the tactic may work. “Would I replace the Epstein headlines with a sex tape story,” said one, “let me look at a list of department heads. No, no, yes, maybe, no, maybe on a bet, hell no… I’ll admit I had a dream about this one so maybe. I have to admit, it depends on the person and the tape.”
Only time will tell how the administration will continue to buy time until the scandal blows over. The president’s office was unavailable for comment, reportedly due to increasing tensions with New Mexico.
Oh cack. I bit into that big juicy onion.
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(Washington DC) As questions mount about trump’s involvement in the Epstein files, and the failure to release them, sources inside the White House say those with known or potential sex tapes are becoming increasingly concerned of their release.
The trump administration, known for its savvy in distracting the media and public, has grown desperate to change headlines, making claims as wide-ranging as demanding Coca Cola change its formulation, to extorting major league football teams. Yet the media, and public, remain fixated on the Epstein files.
“It’s very concerning,” said one blond press staffer who asked not to be named. “We hope the president will attack another country, like New Mexico, but a lot of people [in the administration] are saying a sex tape is the way to go. We were all made to submit any incriminating material when applying, and there are several of the tapes I submitted that could be painful to release.”
“Yes, we’re all concerned,” said one latino staff member in the state department. “I have material out there that’s pretty bad-looking, but given the late hour it was shot, you can tell that pony is only tired, not drugged, and everything is consensual. Still, it would look bad, even though as I said everything was consensual.”
Members of the media agree the tactic may work. “Would I replace the Epstein headlines with a sex tape story,” said one, “let me look at a list of department heads. No, no, yes, maybe, no, maybe on a bet, hell no… I’ll admit I had a dream about this one so maybe. I have to admit, it depends on the person and the tape.”
Only time will tell how the administration will continue to buy time until the scandal blows over. The president’s office was unavailable for comment, reportedly due to increasing tensions with New Mexico.
Is this actually from the onion?
it's fucking perfect either way, just curious, there's no link to the onion's site...
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Is this actually from the onion?
it's fucking perfect either way, just curious, there's no link to the onion's site...
I think OP writes them. Witty!
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Is this actually from the onion?
it's fucking perfect either way, just curious, there's no link to the onion's site...
They’re a Lemmy original!
