@eeeee Your reply (what Lemmy would term a comment) would go out to friend@nodebbinstance but it would be up to nodebbinstance to resolve what post the comment was a reply to.
To illustrate what I mean about Lemmy and User Mentions in posts, see this post as an example. In the body of that post, the user Mentions 2 people -
[email protected] [email protected] but neither of those people would have been notified of that post. You can see for yourself by looking at the activitypub representation of that post (by running curl --header 'accept: application/activity+json' --location https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/39126561 | jq .) and noting that there are no Mentions in the 'tag' section. By contrast, another user Mentions
[email protected] in this comment, and she would have been notified of that (you can see that this time there is a Mention in activitypub representation of that coment).
@julian For the other direction - as you've found out, Lemmy will first look at 'audience' for a root post and try to resolve it and bail if that doesn't work. If there's no 'audience', it will look in 'cc' to try to find a community and stops when it finds one. It won't look further, so you can't post in more than one community at a time, and you can't use a root post to post in Lemmy community and also notify a Lemmy user of it. It distinguishes between root posts and other posts because the root post is a Note will 'null' for 'inReplyTo'.