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  3. Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Everybody gets one [choose wisely]

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved Lemmy Shitpost
lemmyshitpost
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  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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    wrote last edited by
    #132

    This fucking house to close. Jesus, just get done already.

    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
    0
    • R [email protected]

      Do you want one? I couldn't possibly eat two...

      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
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      wrote last edited by
      #133

      Don't mind if I do!

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      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

        You now have a fully conscious virtual girlfriend in your phone:

        fattony@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
        fattony@lemmy.worldF This user is from outside of this forum
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        wrote last edited by [email protected]
        #134

        If I break my phone, will it kill her? Because I had a little accident just now...

        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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        • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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          wrote last edited by [email protected]
          #135

          I'd like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

          • that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
          • that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
          • that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
          • that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
          • that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
          • that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
          • that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.
          J balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
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          • P [email protected]

            This fucking house to close. Jesus, just get done already.

            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
            [email protected]
            wrote last edited by
            #136

            Granted. All of the doors and windows of the house close, simultaneously.

            1 Reply Last reply
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            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

              Yes it is, good eye

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              wrote last edited by
              #137

              One of the best shows in the history of television.

              1 Reply Last reply
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              • fattony@lemmy.worldF [email protected]

                If I break my phone, will it kill her? Because I had a little accident just now...

                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
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                wrote last edited by
                #138

                Her memory is not tied to the cloud. So, in one sense, yes...

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                • dasus@lemmy.worldD [email protected]

                  16? Why limit yourself? Why not go back to like two years old and shock everyone with your maturity?

                  W This user is from outside of this forum
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                  wrote last edited by
                  #139

                  To avoid unpleasant things. Such as being stuck being a teen, my parents freaking out and being worried for my mental health, my brain undeveloping too much, having some snotlings as my peers, so on.

                  I figured 16 was the last best time I could have changed things, and there was so much Nostalgia from then. I'd get my hands on certain consoles when they mattered...and create the life experiences I always wanted.

                  Except having a 30 year old brain would mean I'd try to bang the teachers instead of well, my peers. Obviously, even time travel can't fix certain things you didn't do. But I don't care about that.

                  I would 100% enjoy Pokemom Platinum though. Knowing this is when it was actually relevant.

                  My early 20's are where the good and most epic stuff was at. Combined with the most awful. But that's the age I would like to be at I guess. Being stuck at 26 or 28 I would be at my peak in some ways if I had time travel, and I like that. But early twenties like 22-23 means more options and flexibility. So I would stop there, and keep looping till perfection I guess. Learning everything there is to know.

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                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]

                    The first time you activate your power, you are unknowingly stuck in a time loop. Each time you reactivate the power, the loop gets shorter from the point in time you restarted. Basically the movie Groundhog Day but the time loop partially depends on you:

                    W This user is from outside of this forum
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                    wrote last edited by
                    #140

                    So long as I'm aware of this, I have no problem with it. If I get to learn and advance.

                    balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                    • W [email protected]

                      I'd like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

                      • that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
                      • that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
                      • that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
                      • that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
                      • that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
                      • that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
                      • that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.
                      J This user is from outside of this forum
                      J This user is from outside of this forum
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                      wrote last edited by
                      #141

                      For the lazy, here is the summarization of my local AI:

                      You'd like to have a powerful ability: being able to ask the universe any question in modern English at any time, without limitations or rituals, and receive an answer that's:

                      1. Understandable by your current self (no significant changes to physical or mental stability)
                      2. Delivered within 3600 seconds (an hour) of asking
                      3. Reformatted if necessary to protect your stability
                      4. Includes explanations for unknowable questions
                      5. Avoids circular logic
                      6. Doesn't require an unreasonable sacrifice (if a sacrifice is needed, you'll be informed)
                      7. Allows transfer of answers to another individual, as long as they can understand the answer and meet the previous conditions.

                      In essence, you want to have direct access to all knowledge in the universe, without any negative consequences or sacrifices that might harm your well-being or stability.

                      W lime@feddit.nuL 2 Replies Last reply
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                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                        wrote last edited by
                        #142

                        Complete obliviation.

                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                        • W [email protected]

                          I'd like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

                          • that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
                          • that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
                          • that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
                          • that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
                          • that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
                          • that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
                          • that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.
                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                          [email protected]
                          wrote last edited by
                          #143

                          Hmm, I was going to say you go insane but I see you've covered that. Okay, nice. Any question you ask will receive a safe response (answered if possible). However, you must ask the questions out loud and every answer given will be in a booming voice that nearly everyone hears around the world. The answers do not physically or mentally harm you, but other people may have psychotic breaks depending on the questions you ask:

                          (To be clear, the wish doesn't give you the second ability to talk to animals or transmit thoughts. You'll have to ask about whether those things are possible.)

                          W 1 Reply Last reply
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                          • W [email protected]

                            So long as I'm aware of this, I have no problem with it. If I get to learn and advance.

                            balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
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                            wrote last edited by
                            #144

                            You become aware of your ability the first time you reach the end of the time loop.

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                            • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                              wrote last edited by
                              #145

                              Change Earth trajectory and inertia to intersect the Sun at 0.9c

                              balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                              0
                              • N [email protected]

                                Complete obliviation.

                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
                                balderdash9@lemmy.zipB This user is from outside of this forum
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                                wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                #146

                                Sure, you are now the owner (of a copy) of the "Rex Nihilio" album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band "Obliviation".

                                https://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Obliviation/3540463485

                                N G insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafeI 3 Replies Last reply
                                1
                                • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                                  wrote last edited by
                                  #147

                                  Cancel all requests in this post that would cause harm to anyone.

                                  balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                  0
                                  • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                                    wrote last edited by [email protected]
                                    #148

                                    Can you transmute my body to be a self sustaining nonsenescent machine? thanks

                                    J balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 2 Replies Last reply
                                    1
                                    • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
                                      This post did not contain any content.
                                      gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.deG This user is from outside of this forum
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                                      wrote last edited by
                                      #149

                                      i'd want my mother back, please

                                      balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
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                                      • balderdash9@lemmy.zipB [email protected]
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                                        wrote last edited by
                                        #150

                                        I'd like a pleasant surprise that has no negative consequences whatsoever.

                                        balderdash9@lemmy.zipB 1 Reply Last reply
                                        1
                                        • P [email protected]

                                          Let’s try making Karma a real universal force

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                                          wrote last edited by
                                          #151

                                          unfortunate if it's the type that goes off of personal moral compass

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